Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[landlubber]

I look into Oilherb's mind to see all he knows about this mysterious all-knowing person.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

Fine, fire Magnetic Accelerator Cannons at Seon, then. And of course, I'm still healing in the Medical Bay.

20 (20): You feel revived as Seon is relieved of 32 hitpoints.

Attempt to contact my allies to find out where they are.

5: You can only pick up some radio propaganda.

i kill remake (same as woodland man)

1: He smacks you upside the head for 26 damage.

I order the assassin to snipe Bill's hat (and the head) off.

10: She misses.

I order the cops with me to apprehend the assassin while Rebecca heals me

1: She flings them all at you!
ROLL TO DODGE!
3: You are winded out of 18 hitpoints and find six men do a handy job of immobilizing.

I show the levitated rock to my tutor and complete sorcery school with flying colours.

5: You break concentration.
ROLL TO DODGE!
10: It crushes your big toe for 8 damage.

In a suprise attack that no one expects, I kamikaze bomb mythmonster.

18: You explode in a blaze of glory for 75 damage.

I introduce CivGeneral to my apes.

13: "This is George, and Bobo, and Clem, and Raphael, and..."

I look into Oilherb's mind to see all he knows about this mysterious all-knowing person.

1: "OH MY GOOOOOOOD!" You suffer 10 damage to your psyche and weakening your mental defences by half. Then the captain takes another swing.
ROLL TO DODGE!
3: He slices 15 hitpoints from you.

 

[Seon]

GROOOOAR! LAZOR Choxorn's med ship.

 

[!!!!!]

I heal my self

 

[civplayah]

One of the apes gets jealous of my attention to GivGeneral and bites me, turning me into a wereape.

 

[Abaddon]

I loot killfires corpse.

 

[mythmonster2]

Uh. Ow. Find a hospital.

 

[kill fire]

Quickly! Someone finish mythmoster while he's weak!

 

[choxorn]

GROOOOAR! LAZOR Choxorn's med ship.

Haven't we tried this already?

Giant LAZOR-reflecting mirror, activate!

 

[Seon]

Ah ha, but have you already forgotten that I have destroyed your pitiful excuse for a mirror?! And as everyone knows, you cannot use an object that you do not have, therefore your order was a clear breach to the game's space time continuum! Now face DA RULE'S WRATH!

Change the order to: Launch (the metaphorical) DA RULE book at Choxorn's med shp with enough force to destroy it in one shot.

 

[kill fire]

Hello? Anyone? Cmon! He only has like 30 hp!

 

[choxorn]

Fine then. Change Order to: Fire something at the rule book with enough force to either destroy it or make it not hit me.

 

[Seon]

Ah, but it is a metaphorical rule book. You cannot destroy a metaphor with guns! It's like trying to destroy the sea using a sword. The power of metaphor, however, will overwhelm and destroy you like a tsunami destroys a card castle!

 

[GenMarshall]

God Damn it! I have Rebecca Chambers heal me to full health

 

[choxorn]

I have discovered a metal that destroys metaphors. Yes, that is possible.

 

[Seon]

Ah, but you have not yet made the discovery intake yet, thus you have violated DA RULEZ once more!

 

[choxorn]

Screw the rules, I have space ships!

 

[Seon]

Which is just about to be destroyed by the power of DA RULEZ!

 

[kill fire]

Ah, but you never aquired the ability to use metaphorical rulebooks! YOU BROKE DA RULEZ!

 

[Seon]

Ah, but you do not need permission to use a metaphor which this book is. This book exists in the place between reality and fiction, accessible to anyone.