Eukaryote
Deity
In the past couple days I've been having some thoughts. All our lives we're taught that romantic and platonic love, or "relationships" and "friendships" are two different things. But couldn't that just be a myth? Is it possible this is just an assumption? An assumption we accept for no reason simply because it's ubiquitous throughout society?
After all, what does a "romantic relationship" compose of? As far as I can tell it's mainly defined by love, trust, respect, and attraction. However all these aspects normally exist in varying degrees within so called platonic relationships as well. Now I'm heterosexual, and therefore biologically incapable of being attracted to my male friends, so the attraction part only exists with female friends (who seem to be the majority since I find women easier to bond with). Due to the aspects of emotional intimacy and playfulness that arise in close friendship: love, trust, respect, and attraction inevitably end up as parts of all my cross gender friendships, and all of them except attraction in all my same sex friendships. And I find flirtation to be common in male-female and female-female friendships. After all, flirtation is really nothing more than playful or affectionate behavior that crosses a certain threshold.
Now one could make the case that there's some kind of barrier that draws a line between romantic and platonic relationships, such as: if you're having sex with them, that means it's romantic. However there are many examples of people who say they're in romantic relationships but don't have sex. There are also some examples of people who are "just friends" but do have sex. One could say that a romantic relationship is one where the aforementioned love-trust-respect-attraction feelings are very strong. Despite this, wherever you draw the line that constitutes "very strong" is arbitrary. Plus, you may have "very strong" love-etc feelings for more than one person. Then what? Is it simply that whoever you have strongest feelings for is your romantic partner, assuming that person feels the same way? That would be akin to saying: "Pick which one of your friends is your favorite. If you're her favorite too, then she's your girlfriend."
What I am NOT suggesting is that we become "polygamous." The concept of polygamy still gives reality to the idea that friends and lovers are two different things that require separate categories. Indeed, our entire vocabulary of words such as "monogamy and polygamy," and "single or in a relationship" assumes this dichotomy.
So what is your experience. Does the notion that friends and lovers are two different things fit with your perception of life? Or is it just a bunch of cultural hoo-haa?
After all, what does a "romantic relationship" compose of? As far as I can tell it's mainly defined by love, trust, respect, and attraction. However all these aspects normally exist in varying degrees within so called platonic relationships as well. Now I'm heterosexual, and therefore biologically incapable of being attracted to my male friends, so the attraction part only exists with female friends (who seem to be the majority since I find women easier to bond with). Due to the aspects of emotional intimacy and playfulness that arise in close friendship: love, trust, respect, and attraction inevitably end up as parts of all my cross gender friendships, and all of them except attraction in all my same sex friendships. And I find flirtation to be common in male-female and female-female friendships. After all, flirtation is really nothing more than playful or affectionate behavior that crosses a certain threshold.
Now one could make the case that there's some kind of barrier that draws a line between romantic and platonic relationships, such as: if you're having sex with them, that means it's romantic. However there are many examples of people who say they're in romantic relationships but don't have sex. There are also some examples of people who are "just friends" but do have sex. One could say that a romantic relationship is one where the aforementioned love-trust-respect-attraction feelings are very strong. Despite this, wherever you draw the line that constitutes "very strong" is arbitrary. Plus, you may have "very strong" love-etc feelings for more than one person. Then what? Is it simply that whoever you have strongest feelings for is your romantic partner, assuming that person feels the same way? That would be akin to saying: "Pick which one of your friends is your favorite. If you're her favorite too, then she's your girlfriend."
What I am NOT suggesting is that we become "polygamous." The concept of polygamy still gives reality to the idea that friends and lovers are two different things that require separate categories. Indeed, our entire vocabulary of words such as "monogamy and polygamy," and "single or in a relationship" assumes this dichotomy.
So what is your experience. Does the notion that friends and lovers are two different things fit with your perception of life? Or is it just a bunch of cultural hoo-haa?
