Quackers
The Frog
I don't have anything to see on the culture of engagement.
But a CONGRATULATIONS! is in order
But a CONGRATULATIONS! is in order
Rules of Engagement
- Thread starter downtown
- Start date
azzaman333
meh
Gratz downtown. I'd offer some actual advice but I know nothing about engagements or weddings.
Congrats. Sometimes the ceremony is about the family more then the bride/groom. My cousin got married to her husband at a courthouse, but both families decided they wanted to have a ceremony with family. I enjoyed it because they went all out for the good foods.
First of all, congratulations to both you and the future Mrs. downtown.
Now... first things first: you've taken care of the ring, so that's a huge item to cross off your list.
Next: Are her parents the old-fashioned sort who would respect you more if you asked for their daughter's hand in marriage? What would you do if they said "no" (either in seriousness or in jest)?
How to propose: The business of getting down on one knee is romantic and old-fashioned, and I loved it when I saw Duncan MacLeod propose to Tessa on Highlander (in Paris, no less!). But he did it in public, and Tessa was a bit embarrassed. Do you want to risk her saying "yes" just so you'll get up off the floor and/or quit embarrassing her in public if there are a lot of people around? In my opinion, small-scale proposals are probably better for everybody's sanity!
I'm atheist, so giving my opinions on the church part of the ceremony really isn't my place. But as to arranging the wedding as a whole... are you "do-it-yourselfers" or are you going to use a wedding planner? 'Cause planners cost Serious Money. They can take care of a lot of details that you might not have thought of, but it's going to cost you, in time, money, and stress. Ditto if you let her mother boss everything, btw. This is something you need to decide from the get-go: who is actually in charge of planning this, from the bachelor(ette) party, the wedding shower, the rehearsal stuff, various family get-togethers... and all this is BEFORE the actual wedding! You need to figure out who the ushers/bridesmaids will be, if you'll allow children to attend/participate, and so on. And the reception follows after that. I'm guessing you know how to dance, but do you know the traditional stuff like the waltz? If not, take a few lessons. It's not hard to learn.
So there are a thousand details and they can make you nuts if you opt for a traditional wedding with all the "expected" things.
A friend of mine got married in her mother's back yard at the family farm. They rented an arch and some chairs, decorated with some flowers, and it was done. Practically no fuss. The reception wasn't splashy - held at a country community hall - but it was nice. They went to Europe for their honeymoon - France and England. And they've been married close to 25 years now.
Would it be easier if the family helped out with planning/doing some things? I've seen TV shows where that's how they handled the food - assigned a dish to a family member who had talent for making it, and whatever wasn't covered that way, they could have it catered.
Some people attend weddings expecting to be fed and entertained - after all, they bought a gift and figure that's their "admission ticket." Other people don't have such a mercenary view of things - they genuinely want to witness this important milestone in your life and be part of it. That's what counts, in my opinion.
Neonanocyborgasm
Deity
- Joined
- Apr 21, 2004
- Messages
- 4,695
First, congratulations!
Second, as for traditions: if you were going to adhere to tradition, you would have appealed to the young woman's father to marry her, knowing very little about her, and would have heeded his response.
Second, as for traditions: if you were going to adhere to tradition, you would have appealed to the young woman's father to marry her, knowing very little about her, and would have heeded his response.
As I'm sure has been said enough, congratulations!
First, are her parents likely to disapprove? If not, ask them before you do anything: they'll think much better of you for doing it - but don't tell anybody else, because it will leak out and all will be ruined. As for the actual proposal, I'd do it alone - the last thing you want is for her to refuse in public or to say yes out of a feeling of pressure - but avoiding any otherwise intimate moment, because she'll quite likely not take you seriously. As for the ring, you really should propose with something - a mate of mine who was known for being awful with money saved up for months but actually proposed with the ring from a ring-pull can, which worked very well because a) she had a sense of humour and b) they then went to choose the ring together, which has the advantage if you're a cynic that she knows exactly how much you spent on it. That said, going out and buying one beforehand is almost certainly the best approach.
And when it comes down to it, just say 'can I ask you something?' then get down on one knee, show her the ring, and ask the question. None of this fancy stuff like having it read out on the radio - just do it simply.
Good luck!
First, are her parents likely to disapprove? If not, ask them before you do anything: they'll think much better of you for doing it - but don't tell anybody else, because it will leak out and all will be ruined. As for the actual proposal, I'd do it alone - the last thing you want is for her to refuse in public or to say yes out of a feeling of pressure - but avoiding any otherwise intimate moment, because she'll quite likely not take you seriously. As for the ring, you really should propose with something - a mate of mine who was known for being awful with money saved up for months but actually proposed with the ring from a ring-pull can, which worked very well because a) she had a sense of humour and b) they then went to choose the ring together, which has the advantage if you're a cynic that she knows exactly how much you spent on it. That said, going out and buying one beforehand is almost certainly the best approach.
And when it comes down to it, just say 'can I ask you something?' then get down on one knee, show her the ring, and ask the question. None of this fancy stuff like having it read out on the radio - just do it simply.
Good luck!
Why do Americans place so much emphasis on a ring which is just a material object? I've never understood the near-demented obsession you lot seem to have about a plain metal band.
And Congrats Mr downtown!! Even if that means we should take the 'I'll marry downtown' option off the polls.
And Congrats Mr downtown!! Even if that means we should take the 'I'll marry downtown' option off the polls.
sophie
Break My Heart
There is only one major rule to engagement: be damned sure she's going to say yes before you pop the question.
Other than that, unless her family makes a big fuss about it, do whatever the hell you want. You're in the clear, mang! Just don't do something hokey like proposing at a sporting event.
Congrats man!
Other than that, unless her family makes a big fuss about it, do whatever the hell you want. You're in the clear, mang! Just don't do something hokey like proposing at a sporting event.
Congrats man!
holy king
Deity
i dont know you and i dont know her, neither am i all that sure about societal expectations you two might be under pressure to fulfill.
so i cant really tell you what to do.
anyway, have fun.
so i cant really tell you what to do.
anyway, have fun.
Lillefix
I'm serious. You can.
- Joined
- Dec 1, 2003
- Messages
- 5,699
From what I've seen on television series. Americans(especially women) are very concerned about traditions regarding marriage. If this translates into the real world, I don't know. But I'd like to. Anyone?
Syterion
Voodoo Economist
Wait what? You've only been dating for like a few months! Holy _______ ____.
Thanks for the kind words everybody. I actually wasn't really looking for advice...I think I've got just about everything planned out as well as possible. I was just curious as to how this process worked for other people/around the world.
Syterion
Voodoo Economist
Ok I'll be productive. My mother's engagement went like this: My dad and my mother's parents thought they should get married, so they went on 3 dates, and they went ok, so they got married and had my sister and me.
LucyDuke
staring at the clock
Ehhh, do whatever the heck you want. Tradition is nice, but for its own sake it's empty. Tradition if you want. Whatever you want.
Only comment about weddings proper: assume your wedding party is broker than you are, or help pay the bills you're laying on them. That's the only thing I've really felt to be a problem in the whole process.
(Also, of course, lots of congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. Town. I'm still the girl for you duh.)
Only comment about weddings proper: assume your wedding party is broker than you are, or help pay the bills you're laying on them. That's the only thing I've really felt to be a problem in the whole process.
(Also, of course, lots of congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. Town. I'm still the girl for you duh.)
Narz
keeping it real
My GF doesn't care in the least about marriage but she's a pretty atypical person (even more so than me).
Personally, I can't imagine spending (or requesting) thousands of dollars for a wedding (and thousands more for a ring) & I think more Americans are coming around to this viewpoint for practical reasons.
Say whaaaaat?
Bt as soon as the economy picks up they'll be back at it. I've been reading that the diamond-ring craze was something from the early 20th century 'Diamonds are a girl's ebst friend' or something like that.Narz said:
Narz
keeping it real
For real, she's pretty weird (though she appears more normal on the surface).
If it picks back up... but not trying to hijack the thread here (though I do think the future of marriage & the social and economics influences behind this future is an interesting subject
).
I'd go further and say that since you're expecting and expected to attend a wedding, the guests don't really want to be paying for anything, beyond maybe the second drink at the reception. Of course if you're doing it on a budget this isn't really an option, but most people I know who have got married had been saving for it for well over a year to make sure that they could 'do it properly'
Oh God I hope not. I'm in no hurry to start making little rugrats.
