As I think about it, I really don't remember whether I phrased it as blessing or permission. Didn't much matter at that time, and even less now; it was the thought that counted.
Rules of Engagement
- Thread starter downtown
- Start date
Congrats
Here's how it happened with me . . .
We started dating in January. She invited me in June to spend Christmas with her family(s). (Her parents divorced and remarried) We never had an official DTR (that is, "determine the relationship") until around Thanksgiving, when we started talking about the Christmas trip, how I was usually the one to take the big steps, etc. and finally I brought up the last big step. We had this whole talk about it and decided to get engaged.
We were unofficially engaged at that point - she wanted me to ask her dad first. We both pretty much knew he was going to say yes, and I don't think that she would have been dating someone her father disapproved of if she also wanted his permission, so it was a formality.
She went with me to show me the ring she wanted (I spent less than the "recommended" amount as I am not a complete idiot) but I went back later to actually buy it.
She insisted I not propose to her in public, despite the fact that we had already agreed on the answer.
The wedding planning was mostly her. It was an LDS temple wedding so the ceremony itself required almost no planning, and we had a fairly low key reception.
Here's how it happened with me . . .
We started dating in January. She invited me in June to spend Christmas with her family(s). (Her parents divorced and remarried) We never had an official DTR (that is, "determine the relationship") until around Thanksgiving, when we started talking about the Christmas trip, how I was usually the one to take the big steps, etc. and finally I brought up the last big step. We had this whole talk about it and decided to get engaged.
We were unofficially engaged at that point - she wanted me to ask her dad first. We both pretty much knew he was going to say yes, and I don't think that she would have been dating someone her father disapproved of if she also wanted his permission, so it was a formality.
She went with me to show me the ring she wanted (I spent less than the "recommended" amount as I am not a complete idiot) but I went back later to actually buy it.
She insisted I not propose to her in public, despite the fact that we had already agreed on the answer.
The wedding planning was mostly her. It was an LDS temple wedding so the ceremony itself required almost no planning, and we had a fairly low key reception.
warpus
Sommerswerd asked me to change this
Is it a normal Mormon thing to marry someone before moving in with them? Would that have been frowned upon in the Mormon community or whatever?
Yeah, if you move in with somebody before you're married, you'd lose your temple recommend (your member-in-good-standing card). It isn't allowed.
warpus
Sommerswerd asked me to change this
The ask the father thing (or the parents, I talked to both at the same time) is not really about permission no matter how it is framed as much as it is about respect and showing you care and so on. (Again, if it is something you know in advance is a good idea and will work for your particular situation, obviously it isn't for everyone)
Also what Igloo said, really; I can't say it much better than that.
On topic (I guess? I am confused now what the topic is) the ask the dad thing is a relic of a more patriarchal time, but the way it has evolved now, it is one of those relics that can show a different type of respect in our more cosmopolitan and "liberal" (not political liberal) time.
Also what Igloo said, really; I can't say it much better than that.
On topic (I guess? I am confused now what the topic is) the ask the dad thing is a relic of a more patriarchal time, but the way it has evolved now, it is one of those relics that can show a different type of respect in our more cosmopolitan and "liberal" (not political liberal) time.
So I thought I'd give this a little bump now that everything is actually official. Bling has been exchanged, facebook statuses updated, a zillion phonecalls made....sorry Lucy and Bast, but it looks like I'm off the market forever.
For what it's worth, I ended up having a sitdown with both her dad and her grandpa. The conversation was pretty painless, although he did have a nice trolldad moment when he ignored me for a few moments to watch the Patriots/Broncos game, just to make me sweat.
Planning a wedding is pretty daunting (and I, of course, have no idea what the hell I'm doing)...but I think it'll start to get easier once we sat down and realized that deep down, neither of us care about most of this stuff. We're going to be married (forever, in LDS tradition), and all of our friends will be there, and do we really need to spend 3 weeks freaking out about flowers? No.
I imagine this will have a negative impact on the amount of time I spend posting though. Oh well. That's a trade I'm willing to make.
For what it's worth, I ended up having a sitdown with both her dad and her grandpa. The conversation was pretty painless, although he did have a nice trolldad moment when he ignored me for a few moments to watch the Patriots/Broncos game, just to make me sweat.
Planning a wedding is pretty daunting (and I, of course, have no idea what the hell I'm doing)...but I think it'll start to get easier once we sat down and realized that deep down, neither of us care about most of this stuff. We're going to be married (forever, in LDS tradition), and all of our friends will be there, and do we really need to spend 3 weeks freaking out about flowers? No.
I imagine this will have a negative impact on the amount of time I spend posting though. Oh well. That's a trade I'm willing to make.
NickyJ
Retired Narrator
Congratulations!
(For the site, yeah, but now you get to escape from the madness that is CFC OT.)
Is that really such a bad thing for you?
(For the site, yeah, but now you get to escape from the madness that is CFC OT.)
LucyDuke
staring at the clock
I'm honestly planning on inviting a few, but if you want more, somebody is going to have to bankroll it. We're not the Romneys, after all. I can't afford to have 400 people at my wedding.
