So you're in love with your best friend, Part Deux

[ShannonCT]

I see a good bit of heartache in your near future.

I've gone through the same thing with a good friend. If a girl doesn't see you as a potential lover, no amount of friendship and loyalty is going to win her over. And the way she sees you is certainly not going to change while you are so close to her. There is no mystery or excitement when she thinks about you. She knows exactly what to expect from you, right? I'd put the chance that she declares her love to you at < 1%, with the current state of things.

The only way you stand a chance with this girl is to let go of her and wrest your heart back from her. Put some distance between the two of you after you graduate and go off to start your career. There's a good chance you'll fall in love with someone else and this girl will become a fond memory. I know how hard it is to believe that when you're in the thick of things. You tell yourself that you don't want to fall in love with anyone else because no one else could be as perfect as this girl.

You are almost surely going to some day experience a very painful (for you) break with this girl, probably when she falls in love and gets serious with another guy. You are helpless to stop this.

If someday, when you are both different people, you reconnect with her and the sparks fly, it will be because you took your heart back and became someone greater than you are now, someone she can stand with on equal footing.

 

[Taliesin]

I've been down that hole, and it was three years before I got out of it. You have my sympathies.

My advice: don't do anything dramatic, ease away from her a bit, and try to get involved with someone else before she does-- as Shannon said, it's probable that she'll fall in love with another guy sooner or later, and that will be very difficult for you if you haven't moved on yet.

Really, the best thing to do is to abandon all hope and try to find new patterns of thinking. Even if it's a good rut you're in, it's still a rut, and it looks like you need to get out of it somehow. Think about it that way and see if you can apply general rut-getting-out-of strategies that have worked for you before (as long as they don't involve large amounts of alcohol ).

Again, my sympathies in the meantime.

 

[Disgustipated]

I feel for you. In my cases, I ended up losing both friends. I hope that doesn't happen to you.

 

[Ingvina Freyr]

She knows I love her, I've told her. We've talked about it many times.

Since you've gone through the above, you should listen to what Shannon says. Get away from her, start a new life. By sticking around you'll face possible humiliation and loss of precious time.

 

[Grisu]

Since you've gone through the above, you should listen to what Shannon says. Get away from her, start a new life. By sticking around you'll face possible humiliation and loss of precious time.

I disagree, I wouldn't give up a good friendship just because of one-sided love. Sure, it won't be exaclty easy, but a good friendship sure is worth the effort, even if there's 0% chance that there's ever going to be something romantic between to two of you.

 

[Disgustipated]

I'm debating discussing more serious issues. Especially since I don't know the specifics of the situation of the OP.

Sometimes I wonder, especially in my cases, if the women liked the fact that I was attracted to them. They were both attention whores in a way. In both cases it was eventually revealed I was attracted to them. At first, they were okay with this. I think they got off knowing men are interested in them.

In the end though, it was me who pulled the plug. Not necessarily intentionally, but indirectly. I acted out, and did stupid things because my feelings were hurt. I was immature. I eventually stopped talking to them to punish them. (although in one case, one of them was not talking to me to punish me). That was stupid.

For the record, the second girl and I still may be friends. I'm concerned since I called her sunday night, and she didn't answer her cell phone. I'm afraid she's upset since I didn't see or call her for a week. She really is an attention whore and likes me to hang around her alot. But lately, I don't want to hang around her that much.

Surely you can still be friends, and not have to see each other every day. This applies to the OP as well. Try to be friends, but not be too close. Don't burn your bridges, but try not to get so close, you can't ever let anyone else in, or have time for anyone else.

 

[Ingvina Freyr]

I disagree, I wouldn't give up a good friendship just because of one-sided love. Sure, it won't be exaclty easy, but a good friendship sure is worth the effort, even if there's 0% chance that there's ever going to be something romantic between to two of you.

I would never suggest anyone to give up a good friendship, but the relationship presented in the OP is not a friendship, it's a one-sided love and will provide trouble and heartache for all people involved.

 

[Truronian]

I'm in a similar boat... not quite at the level you sound to be though. You have my sympathies.

 

[Brighteye]

At least you're still friends. Don't push for anything more or she'll just back away. It could be worse; she could have decided that she didn't like you at all and had you go cold turkey. Don't force her to do it.
How long are you going to be near each other? The best remedy for something like this is separation and time, and if one of you is moving away that's perfect.

Not that you'll ever forget something like this.

 

[Harbringer]

I was once in the same situation as you, I still technically am, but I becamse very stoic about my emotions for my friend. Basically I make myself not love her, its a protection barrier. Chances our though, knowing our rocky history together, hell, we'll probably get married.

 

[Gilder]

It's the classic story. Guy likes girl, girl doesn't like guy. The only advice that anyone can give you is to get over her, and find someone else.

 

[Little Raven]

I was in your situation once, Cheezy. Met an amazing girl in college, tried hard to position myself to become her boyfriend, seemed to be doing well...and then found out she really wanted to date my best friend. Doh.

So I set her up with my best friend, and did my best to keep them together for the next 2 1/2 years. (because I wanted them both to be happy) Dated some other girls in the meantime, never quite stopped hoping, but never tried to be more than she wanted. Eventually she and my friend broke up, despite my best efforts, and I found myself single soon after.

We've been married almost 10 years now. Sometimes it works. But it will only work if you successfully keep your distance. Good luck.

 

[Nylan]

Just stay her friend and be patient. Someone amazing might come your way. She may turn around. It is impossible to tell. Don't worry about what you don't have control over. Keep your eyes open, but again, stay friends. Who knows what will happen.

 

[Rossiya]

What does SNAFU stand for?

 

[Rossiya]

The first part of this SNAFU can be found here.

http://forums.civfanatics.com/showthread.php?t=190579


I'm in love. This is not some little childish puppy love, this is deep, resounding joy simply because this woman is in my life and cares about me kinda love. This is "I want her to be happy even if it's not with me" love. So what's the problem? She doesn't like me that way. She's my best friend. She knows I love her, I've told her. We've talked about it many times. The problem is, even though I know she doesn't think about me that way, and that we'll most likely never be (and I could marry this girl like that *snaps fingers*), I can't stop loving her. I've tried dating other people, in the hope that I'll find something in them and they'll grow on me, and I'll get over her, and be able to have a best friend whilst not being constantly slapped in the proverbial face. But these girls I date bore me, I'm just not interested in them. There's simply no way that any girl could ever hope to measure up to her [my love]. Trying to figure out what to do gives me a tremendous headache.

I'm not even sure what I'm asking for here, I just need to get this out of me.

Now that is the spirit.

 

[Elrohir]

What does SNAFU stand for?

Situation Normal: All F***** Up.

 

[Rossiya]

That doesn't make sense.

 

[CaptainF]

What does SNAFU stand for?

Situation Normal, All F*cked Up

 

[Catbackwards]

That doesn't make sense.

Tell me about it. x_X

 

[Elrohir]

That doesn't make sense.

Well, it originated in the Army in the Second World War. I imagine it's ironic - everything was always getting messed up, so when something went wrong, it was a "snafu". It's just a way of ironically saying "Well, things are messed up....like they usually are...." But shorter and better.