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The Llamast Jokes Thread... 3

Discussion in 'Humor & Jokes' started by Uncle Sparky, Dec 31, 2017.

  1. GinandTonic

    GinandTonic Saphire w/ Schweps + Lime

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    I'm sure that would work better with Haribo and gummy bows. Have I imagined that or was that a thing?
     
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  2. Gori the Grey

    Gori the Grey The Poster

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    Plus, his friend who owns the target had ghosted him.
     
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  3. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    I get wiri wiri of pepper puns.
     
  4. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Did you know all Norwegian, Swedish, and Danish ships have bar codes on them?

    That way when they arrive in port, they can scan the navy in.
     
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  5. Arakhor

    Arakhor Dremora Courtier Super Moderator

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    My partner is kicking me out of the house for constantly singing *Take on Me* lyrics. He asked me when I would be able to leave, so I said, "I'll be gone in a day or two."
     
  6. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Celebrate the Holy Week by flogging a money lender.

    That's what Jesus would have done.
     
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  7. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    I've decided to finally sell the DeLorean. Excellent mileage. I only drive it from time to time.
     
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  8. Arakhor

    Arakhor Dremora Courtier Super Moderator

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    I went to a farm yesterday and counted 30 cows and 28 chicken. Ten didn’t.
     
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  9. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    I just had my first shot today.

    I'm going to order another as soon as the waitress comes back.
     
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  10. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    The meaning of opaque is unclear.
     
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  11. Gori the Grey

    Gori the Grey The Poster

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    Speaking of unclear, if someone says "my vacuum cleaner really sucks," is he complaining or boasting?
     
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  12. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    I finally broke up with that seismologist I used to date.

    She was always finding faults.
     
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  13. Gori the Grey

    Gori the Grey The Poster

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    To be frank, your relationship had always seemed to me to be on shaky ground.
     
    Last edited: May 5, 2021
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  14. Serutan

    Serutan Eatibus Anythingibus

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    And doubtless had "Shake, Rattle, and Roll" playing on endless loop.
     
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  15. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    People who survive having COVID-19 can still end up badly damaged,

    One survivor, who lost an election by 7 million votes, is convinced he won.
     
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  16. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    I just bought a head of lettuce from a small Mamas and Papas' store.

    I can't eat it... all the leaves are brown.
     
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  17. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Ted Cruz met with Donald Trump to tell him he had a fantastic dream last night. There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Ave. in Washington celebrating Trump.
    Thousands lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past. Bands were playing; children were throwing confetti into the air; there were balloons everywhere.
    It was absolutely the BIGGEST CELEBRATION AMERICA HAD EVER SEEN!!! The Donald was very impressed and said, "That's really great! By the way, how did I look in your dream?"

    Cruz replied, "I couldn't tell, the casket was closed."
     
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  18. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Smoking will kill you.
    Bacon will kill you.
    Smoking bacon will cure it.
     
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  19. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Your superhero name is your bank account number and your banking password.
    :D
     
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  20. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    My dead friends keep ghosting me...
     
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