The Llamast Jokes Thread... 3

[GinandTonic]

Why couldn't the hot pepper practice archery?

He didn't habanero.

I'm sure that would work better with Haribo and gummy bows. Have I imagined that or was that a thing?

 

[Gori the Grey]

Why couldn't the hot pepper practice archery?

He didn't habanero.

Plus, his friend who owns the target had ghosted him.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Plus, his friend who owns the target had ghosted him.

I get wiri wiri of pepper puns.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Did you know all Norwegian, Swedish, and Danish ships have bar codes on them?

That way when they arrive in port, they can scan the navy in.

 

[Arakhor]

My partner is kicking me out of the house for constantly singing *Take on Me* lyrics. He asked me when I would be able to leave, so I said, "I'll be gone in a day or two."

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Celebrate the Holy Week by flogging a money lender.

That's what Jesus would have done.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I've decided to finally sell the DeLorean. Excellent mileage. I only drive it from time to time.

 

[Arakhor]

I went to a farm yesterday and counted 30 cows and 28 chicken. Ten didn’t.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I just had my first shot today.

I'm going to order another as soon as the waitress comes back.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

The meaning of opaque is unclear.

 

[Gori the Grey]

Speaking of unclear, if someone says "my vacuum cleaner really sucks," is he complaining or boasting?

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I finally broke up with that seismologist I used to date.

She was always finding faults.

 

[Gori the Grey]

To be frank, your relationship had always seemed to me to be on shaky ground.

 

[Serutan]

I finally broke up with that seismologist I used to date.

She was always finding faults.

And doubtless had "Shake, Rattle, and Roll" playing on endless loop.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

People who survive having COVID-19 can still end up badly damaged,

One survivor, who lost an election by 7 million votes, is convinced he won.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I just bought a head of lettuce from a small Mamas and Papas' store.

I can't eat it... all the leaves are brown.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Ted Cruz met with Donald Trump to tell him he had a fantastic dream last night. There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Ave. in Washington celebrating Trump.
Thousands lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past. Bands were playing; children were throwing confetti into the air; there were balloons everywhere.
It was absolutely the BIGGEST CELEBRATION AMERICA HAD EVER SEEN!!! The Donald was very impressed and said, "That's really great! By the way, how did I look in your dream?"

Cruz replied, "I couldn't tell, the casket was closed."

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Smoking will kill you.
Bacon will kill you.
Smoking bacon will cure it.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Your superhero name is your bank account number and your banking password.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

My dead friends keep ghosting me...