The Llamast Jokes Thread... 3

[Uncle Sparky]

A swimming race through Paris?
In Seine!

 

[Kyriakos]

Would you prefer to be cut by a rusted blade?

 

[Gori the Grey]

When I get right to the task of washing mom's laundry, I feel like I hit the mother load.

 

[Bonyduck Campersang]

It's tough living next to a sports goods factory; someone's always making a racquet

 

[Kyriakos]

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I just wrote a book on reverse psychology.
Please don't buy it.

 

[PhroX]

I took the shell off my racing snail as I though it'd make him faster. But it just ended up making him sluggish.

 

[Kyriakos]

The following is dark humor. I find it funny (it's not mine, saw it online) but I put it in a spoiler.

Spoiler :

Some kids were playing hide and seek, one of them hid in a refrigerator and consequently froze to death. It took days to find him. I thought, that kid died a winner.

 

[danjuno]

The following is dark humor. I find it funny (it's not mine, saw it online) but I put it in a spoiler.

Spoiler :

Some kids were playing hide and seek, one of them hid in a refrigerator and consequently froze to death. It took days to find him. I thought, that kid died a winner.

Spoiler :

I always wanted to be one of the cool kids!

 

[Samson]

Best of the fringe:

Olaf Falafel: My desire to spontaneously sing The Lion Sleeps Tonight is always just a whim away.
Jack Skipper: I failed RE. Couldn’t believe it when I found out. I was like: “Oh Jason Christ!”
Zoë Coombs Marr: My girlfriend told me she’s never seen the film Gaslight. I told her: “Yeah you have … we watched it together.”
Eleanor Morton: How do you know that Edinburgh is the most haunted city in the UK? You measure it with a spirit level.
Amy Mason: I recently read 10% of sheep are gay – turns out there’s nowt so queer as flock.
Raul Kohli: My aunty is Indian, German and a terrible human being. She’s the curry wurst.
Louise Atkinson: I call myself the Yorkshire Shakira; her hips don’t lie, and mine don’t faff about.
Abby Wambaugh: Cabinets: what are they hiding? Tables: are they really furniture – or just more floor on stilts?
Demi Adejuyigbe: I don’t like when a casino says: “House rules.” It got a little boring for me in the last season.
Chris Turner: The Romans invented Vaseline. Or was it Ancient Grease?

 

[Arakhor]

The Lion Sleeps Tonight joke is decades old at this point!

 

[Gori the Grey]

Guys, if these are the winners, we should find some way of applying. The ones we post here are way better than these.

(No pun hidden in my comment; this is just my earnest reaction to seeing that list.)

 

[PhroX]

Yeah, the jokes from that list seem to be getting worse in the last few years. I mean, they were always bad, but they were amusingly bad. Now they're more boring bad. Maybe it's due to the lack of Tim Vine.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

A couple of weeks ago CBC Canada interupted regular programming with BREAKING NEWS.
... It was a report on the Olympic Break Dancing.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

How did the hamburger introduce his girlfriend?
Meat Patty.

 

[Miniskirt]

I asked The Dancer why he stood unmoving on the ballroom floor?

He said he was doing The Elevator - it has no steps.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

If you don't know the difference between 'burro' and 'burrow',
you can't tell your ass from a hole in the ground.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

If you find yourself counting cows instead of sheep to fall asleep, it's probably pasture bedtime.

 

[Kyriakos]

"A writer whose name reverberates is Umberto Eco".

 

[Bonyduck Campersang]