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The Llamast Jokes Thread... 3

Discussion in 'Humor & Jokes' started by Uncle Sparky, Dec 31, 2017.

  1. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    EGG NOG RECIPE:
    Take one teaspoon of nutmeg, arrange it in a line using a credit card, and snort it.

    Chase with three consecutive shots of rum.
     
  2. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Sex with no-strings-attached has ruined my marionette fetish.
     
  3. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Yesterday I went to the house I grew up in and asked if I could have a look around. They said no and slammed the door. My parents can be so rude...
     
    tjs282 likes this.
  4. Serutan

    Serutan Eatibus Anythingibus

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    Jesus walks in to a motel, puts 3 nails on the counter, and asks the clerk if he can put him up somewhere for the night.
     
    GoodSarmatian likes this.
  5. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Mexico has just announced they are going to build a ladder.
     
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  6. rah

    rah Warlord Supporter

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    Son asks dad if he can take the Porsche out for his date.
    Dad responds, as soon as you learn how to spell way with an F
    Son, but dad, there is no "F in way"
     
    Uncle Sparky likes this.
  7. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    I tried using 'beefstew' as a password. It was rejected because it wasn't stroganoff...
     
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  8. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    The Borowitz Report (NY Times): The so-called polar vortex caused hundreds of injuries across the Midwest today, as people who said “so much for global warming” and similar comments were punched in the face.
     
    The_J likes this.
  9. Lohrenswald

    Lohrenswald 老仁

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  10. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Happy 'Year of the Pig'!! I know I'll probably still be writing 'Dog' on my cheques for the next couple of weeks...
     
    The_J likes this.
  11. Ozbenno

    Ozbenno Fly Fly Away Moderator Hall of Fame Staff

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    Q: What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor?

    A: Make me one with everything
     
    shadowplay likes this.
  12. Arakhor

    Arakhor Dremora Courtier Moderator

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    Rick Astley will let you borrow any of his Pixar film DVDs, except one. He's never going to give you Up.
     
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  13. Ozbenno

    Ozbenno Fly Fly Away Moderator Hall of Fame Staff

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    I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he did to them but I was tripping all day.
     
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  14. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    My wife left me because I'm so insecure... No, wait. She's back. She just left the room to make some tea...
     
  15. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    March 17 (St. Patrick's Day) is over. Please resume your normal nationality until Cinco de Mayo.
     
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2019
  16. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    If poison is past its expiration date, is it more poisonous or less poisonous?... asking for a friend.
     
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  17. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    No one is sure how the Notre Dame fire started, but Quasimodo has a hunch...
     
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  18. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Apparently, putting Alka Seltzer in your mouth during communion and pretending you're possessed is not funny...
     
    The_J likes this.
  19. Lohrenswald

    Lohrenswald 老仁

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    I don't get it
     
  20. Arakhor

    Arakhor Dremora Courtier Moderator

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    Alka Seltzer produces a froth when exposed to water. I have no idea what would happen if you introduced it to saliva.
     

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