The Rules of Being a Man

[Virote_Considon]

There are WAY too many people who disagree with rule #1! The manliest (SP?) thing to do would be to never under any circumstanses say how because you are comfortable with your sexuality you are, and let that make you do things such as compliment a man. We all know deep down that Manly Men don't state their comfort with any form of sexuality.

Another thing: You don't EVER state an exact, or near exact, number of people. You must state an over-emphasized number, although you must secretly know the number.

Also, if you accidently make a joke that sounds like you are gay, you MUST start talking about your girlfreind STRAIT AWAY. Just change the topic no matter what. It deters the male brains around you from remembering what you said, and satifys you with images of your girlfreind. NOTE: If in the instance of not having a girlfreind, change the topic to talk about how good looking "Pamela Anderson", "Brittany Spears" or a female work collegue who has just left the room is NO MATTER IF YOU LIKE THEM OR NOT!

Finally, you neither make 4 points when talking/typing, nor do you begin a sentence with the word "Finally". That is the least manly thing to do.

 

[Bozo Erectus]

Wait, hang on a sec, I just took the tab of acid. I wont be able to know what youre talking about for about an hour.

 

[Mise]

Quite frankly, the most manly thing to do is another man.

 

[CartesianFart]

Quite frankly, the most manly thing to do is another man.

What! Hell no!

Is it true that some deranged chicks would like that idea?

 

[Mathilda]

Hell yeah

 

[BCLG100]

What! Hell no!

Is it true that some deranged chicks would like that idea?

i know of no women that likes that, different social circles i guess.

 

[CartesianFart]

i know of no women that likes that, different social circles i guess.

Maybe you need to hang around with a dirty deranged chick like Mathilda someday.

Trust me,i like the idea of two woman kissing as a turnon,why can't a heterosexual chick do it as well? that is man kissing another man.

 

[Winston Khan]

Haven't seen this thread for years... so many rules, has PROBLEMS been a catagory yet?

When dealing with problems, tell no-one until it has gone away. Be totalitarian in dealing with any subjects surrounding your problem. Sharing issues with other men is strictly out of the question, unless he is the problem!

Hereto, confront him and resolve the problem face-to-face, if necessary face-to-fist, but only use the latter in unresolvable situations. Being sure to end the problem there and then, do not carry a personal grievance with a man beyond this point.

If your problem is with an inaminate object - such as your job or a monthly bill, deal with it quickly and efficiently, it is unlikely to kill you.

When you have a problem with a member of the fairer sex, No, not shemales; Ladies - do not under any circumstance tell them directly. Verbally skirt around the problem with kid gloves until she knows the topic of conversation and then slowly explain, using very simple language, how you think the problem can be resolved, making it clear that her problem is resolvable. You must also keep your feelings to yourself - especially in this case - under ALL circumstances.

 

[Rambuchan]

Haven't seen this thread for years... so many rules, has PROBLEMS been a catagory yet?

Hello Winston. Thanks for coming to the Oracle of Manliness. PROBLEMS has not been a category, so far. You have given some ways of dealing with problems, good ones (eg. ), but don't you think we should explore what kind of problems might arise in the first place? Got any example scenarios we might work through?

 

[Dann]

Problems? Real men don't have to deal with no problems. They're delegated to his underlings. And by underlings that includes the wife(s) and kids.

 

[JoeM]

This still going?

I've changed my stance on rule one; saying a man is good looking is okay, but your corollary about his hairstyle and shaving details are definitely beyond the pale.

 

[Rambuchan]

^ Girly, lightweight, flip-flopper.

Has this thread taught you nothing? Or is it just that you came out since the last time you posted in it?

 

[Eukaryote]

I understand rules 5, 6, 8, 11, 13, and 15 but other than that I ain't following your crappy rules!

 

[Winston Khan]

Problems? Real men don't have to deal with no problems. They're delegated to his underlings. And by underlings that includes the wife(s) and kids.

I realise that problems are not a common issue with men, but infrequently they do arise. Dann you have a fair point see the last paragraph in this post for your solution...

Got any example scenarios we might work through?

A problem such as when the geezer in the petrol station doesn't switch on the pump for a few minutes when you are holding your nozzle in the reservior and you are wanting to beat the Formula One pit time! (This could be in the road-trip rules, but used here as an example). Surely has to be an annoyance for any competitive man.

Normally it is not Men that have the problem, sorry ladies - you just got issues. Any man should try and assist the Female in her problems, and once the problem is sorted Man recieves he due reward.

 

[Dann]

I realise that problems are not a common issue with men, but infrequently they do arise. Dann you have a fair point see the last paragraph in this post for your solution...

C'mon! This is NOT a serious thread. That sexist crap I posted was NOT what I would recommend in real life.

Read through the entire thread. This is a joke thread where we try to invent the most outrageous "real macho men" issues and stereotypes we can imagine.

 

[JoeM]

^ Girly, lightweight, flip-flopper.

Has this thread taught you nothing? Or is it just that you came out since the last time you posted in it?

Hey I got slightly more chauvanistic, not less!

That should be a manly rule; with age you should become more entrenched in chauvanism, not less.

 

[Grisu]

I'm sure it's come up on the last 32 pages, but do REAL man adhere to any rules, anyway? Isn't the very action of writing down rules girly-man stuff?

 

[Dann]

Exactly. Hence the absurdity of this thread.

Read though all 32 pages if you have the time. There's lot of good stuff buried here.

 

[JoeM]

Read through the entire thread. This is a joke thread where we try to invent the most outrageous "real macho men" issues and stereotypes we can imagine.

That's depressing; those rules are unspoken, but it's true that's how I live. Except for some of the "recently" added ones.

Are you telling me you talk to people at the urinals? You weirdo.

 

[Bozo Erectus]

The only rock solid rule is: never cry in public. No matter what. Run out of the room like Clark Kent rushing to a phone booth, if necessary. Adhere to that bare minimum and you'll be just fine.