The Rules of Being a Man

[downtown]

Men, I think we need a ruling on films.

1) THOU SALT NOT watch a "click flick" under any circumstances by yourself, or with other male mates, no matter how hot the female lead is, or how topless she might get. Its not worth it.

2) IF you have to ask if a movie qualifies as a "click flick", its a chick flick.

3) THOU SHALT NOT watch a chick flick willingly with one's girlfriend. One is obligated to put up some sort of fight, even if its a little half-ass.

4) THOU SHALT enjoy Kung Fu Movies, B horror movies and James Bond films. In fact, one should be able to recall the bond actor, the villian, and how hot the bond girl was in the most famous of bond films.

I am unsure as to what kind of behavior is okay during bad movies one is forced to watch because of the lady friend. Is it okay to ***** and moan the whole time? Is it okay to use the "Dann Method", where one "tries to distract" the lady from the film and shift the attention towards you? Can one sleep?

Men are confused here.

 

[mrtn]

What's a click flick?

 

[Whomp]

What's a click flick?

It's a chick flick that was clicked instead of chicked.

 

[mrtn]

Well, if it ain't got a merkin in it I don't wanna see it.

 

[Syterion]

4) THOU SHALT enjoy Kung Fu Movies, B horror movies and James Bond films. In fact, one should be able to recall the bond actor, the villian, and how hot the bond girl was in the most famous of bond films.

See, but therein lies a problem. For some Kung Fu movies(notably Kill Bill) feature a woman taking her revenge on a man. Of course a real man can appreciate her Kung Fu skills, but the real man also has to question a movie in which a very manly man(David Carradine) is killed by a former lover. For such a movie I think the correct answer is to applaud the dialogue, action, and cinematography while loudly shouting imprecations against the oh-so unrealistic plot.

 

[Brighteye]

I had a girl who was obsessed with watching endless chick flicks. However, I soon learned not to worry, because she'd seen them all before she 'saw' them with me, and had no intention of watching them all the way through. I could safely turn them off.

However, she was like that with all films. I became very annoyed when she'd try to start something in the middle of other films. Are we watching the film? Yes? Let's do it then. If I start to watch a film, I watch it (unless it's Jim Carrey. I walked out). None of this 'let's miss out on all the vital plot points, thereby ruining any entertainment value the film might have'.
I don't think she was capable of maintaining attention for a full 2 hours.

 

[Rambuchan]

MattBrown: Those are some very fine suggestions. I'm glad to see that the arena for such a debate has already been populated. Let me add my voice and let's see what we come up with:

~ Chick flicks suck. Period.
~ Banned under all circumstances.
~ Consider them an opportunity for lad's time, while the good lady enjoys some 'gal time'.
~ Moniter frequency of consumption closely.

 

[Rambuchan]

I had a girl who was obsessed with watching endless chick flicks. However, I soon learned not to worry, because she'd seen them all before she 'saw' them with me, and had no intention of watching them all the way through. I could safely turn them off.

Brotherman, you escaped the chick flick furnace by the skin of your teeth. *wipes sweat from brow*

However, she was like that with all films. I became very annoyed when she'd try to start something in the middle of other films. Are we watching the film? Yes? Let's do it then. If I start to watch a film, I watch it (unless it's Jim Carrey. I walked out). None of this 'let's miss out on all the vital plot points, thereby ruining any entertainment value the film might have'.
I don't think she was capable of maintaining attention for a full 2 hours.

I agree, wholeheartedly. Once a film is started, finish the damn thing. Unless it's truly atrocious, then get it over an done with, fast.

This talk of films needs more breaking down than DowntownMattbrown has so kindly started. I propose we consider these categories, with the option to expand and clarify, all year long if need be:

Policy clarification required on:

~ Action Movies
~ Porno Movies
~ Horror Movies
~ Arthouse Movies
~ TV addiction

 

[Dann]

Policy clarification required on:
~ Action Movies
~ Porno Movies
~ Horror Movies
~ Arthouse Movies
~ TV addiction

Here ya go, first draft, for further debate:
Action movies - always good, alone or with company (any company). Thou shall watch it in total silence. Munching sounds, however, are acceptable.
Porno movies - always good, alone or with company (children excluded) unless you're religious.
Horror movies - good only with company (must include females). Thou shall not scream but is there to provide something for the females to cling or grab onto. Alternatively one may watch a horror movie alone, but must make it a point to laugh and mock the movie for being unrealistic.
Arthouse movies - good only with uppity company, and only if you're confident enough to hold a 40 minute critique/analysis/commentary about the movie afterwards.
Chick flicks - you may watch these only with a woman that means a lot to you, and you must be dragged kicking and screaming into it.
TV addiction - acceptable only during NFL season, or the NBA season, or the World Cup... you get the idea.

 

[general_kill]

Rules of being a man (for men):

Be yourself, because you are a man.

 

[downtown]

Here ya go, first draft, for further debate:
Action movies - always good, alone or with company (any company). Thou shall watch it in total silence. Munching sounds, however, are acceptable.
Porno movies - always good, alone or with company (children excluded) unless you're religious.
Horror movies - good only with company (must include females). Thou shall not scream but is there to provide something for the females to cling or grab onto. Alternatively one may watch a horror movie alone, but must make it a point to laugh and mock the movie for being unrealistic.
Arthouse movies - good only with uppity company, and only if you're confident enough to hold a 40 minute critique/analysis/commentary about the movie afterwards.
Chick flicks - you may watch these only with a woman that means a lot to you, and you must be dragged kicking and screaming into it.
TV addiction - acceptable only during NFL season, or the NBA season, or the World Cup... you get the idea.

My two cents, if I may...

Action: I disagree about the total silence. When watching movies with the proverbial guys, I think laughter and "shooting the shite" is okay. If Samuel L Jackson just blew up a muthafarker, I think a response is appropriate.

Porno: I'm not sure if I'm much help, seeing as I'm not much into pornos (although I understand that many menbrothers enjoy them. I'm not here to judge). I submit that if ever, if even for a second, one has difficulty telling the real world from the porn world (I.e, undressing, and half expecting bow chica wow wow music), one must take at least a 1 week break from porn.

Horror movies. Never scream. Never show that you might be scared. What are you, 5 years old? You're there to act macho, be there for when the woman needs to grab onto you, and mock the movie for not being scary enough.

Arthouse movies: use best judgement. I dont think these are movies to "watch with the guys". Not enough explosions or boob usually.

TV: okay during major sports events. I have found that college football binges usually meant I had to watch something like Grey's Ananomy with the girlfriend...so I tread with caution.

 

[Markus6]

Porno movies - always good, alone or with company (children excluded) unless you're religious.

Well I am religious but...
I'd say paying for a porn movies (renting/buying a DVD or pay per view) is not O.K. You are paying to see a naked woman. Real men don't pay to see naked women. Women offer to pay so they can get naked for real men. In the same vein I'd say prostitution is NOT manly behaviour.

If the porn is free, however, I can't see a problem (and I have been looking for one) unless watching porn is distracting you from other more manly activities or real women (even with clothes on).

 

[Dann]

Action: I disagree about the total silence. When watching movies with the proverbial guys, I think laughter and "shooting the shite" is okay. If Samuel L Jackson just blew up a muthafarker, I think a response is appropriate.

You have me convinced. I was thinking more about those action flicks that take themselves too seriously.

Porno: I'm not sure if I'm much help, seeing as I'm not much into pornos (although I understand that many menbrothers enjoy them. I'm not here to judge). I submit that if ever, if even for a second, one has difficulty telling the real world from the porn world (I.e, undressing, and half expecting bow chica wow wow music), one must take at least a 1 week break from porn.

Horror movies. Never scream. Never show that you might be scared. What are you, 5 years old? You're there to act macho, be there for when the woman needs to grab onto you, and mock the movie for not being scary enough.

We're in complete agreement here.

Arthouse movies: use best judgement. I dont think these are movies to "watch with the guys". Not enough explosions or boob usually.

Of course not "with the guys". "The guys" won't be interested in stuff like this. These are watched with the wife/girlfriend and her uppity couple friends. "Use best judgement" is correct. If you're not up to it then weasel out instead of ending up looking bad.

TV: okay during major sports events. I have found that college football binges usually meant I had to watch something like Grey's Ananomy with the girlfriend...so I tread with caution.

Again I agree.

 

[Shylock]

Sounds like rules for an insecure man.

I'll do what I want, which usually follows those rules anyway. I know I'm heterosexual and that carries over into my preferences for mates, that is enough.

 

[Dann]

Well I am religious but...
I'd say paying for a porn movies (renting/buying a DVD or pay per view) is not O.K. You are paying to see a naked woman. Real men don't pay to see naked women. Women offer to pay so they can get naked for real men. In the same vein I'd say prostitution is NOT manly behaviour.

If the porn is free, however, I can't see a problem (and I have been looking for one) unless watching porn is distracting you from other more manly activities or real women (even with clothes on).

Fair enough. But if you have a lot of "buddies" you should have a lot of opportunities already to score free porn.

 

[Dann]

Another two people who don't get the point of this thread...

 

[Xanikk999]

Never admit to doing anything slightly femenine ever. And try not to look feminine in anyway!

 

[Dann]

^^^ See? Now that's the kind of remark that's appropriate for this thread.

Waittaminit. Was that a dig at me? Huh? Hah? C'mon speak up man. *shoves Xanikk999*

 

[Xanikk999]

^^^ See? Now that's the kind of remark that's appropriate for this thread.

Waittaminit. Was that a dig at me? Huh? Hah? C'mon speak up man. *shoves Xanikk999*

Hehe your avatar says it all!! GIRLY MAN!!

 

[Xanikk999]

If you make a fool of yourself in front of your friends, quickly drink a few more beers and pretend your drunk!