Things to never say to a cop

mechaerik

Tuturuu!
Joined
Oct 28, 2008
Messages
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Location
Los Angeles
1) Hey, you must have been doin' at least 120 mph to keep up with me...Good job!
2) You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
3) So, uh, you on the take, or what?
4) Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
5) Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 Magnum.


How many can you think of?
 
6) Oink, oink, oink! (especially not to a fat cop)
 
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True story:
Friend of mine is out driving at night and is pulled over. The officer asks him, "Anything to drink?"
He answers: "I'll have a bottle of scotch and maybe a rum."
...Or something like that. In any event, the officer was not happy.
 
"What seems to be the officer problem?"
 
Theres no blood in my alcohol system, occifer
 
Here's one:

Do you have a daughter?
(If he says yes)
I thought the name sounded familiar.
 
"I'll get my ID, could you hold my beer?"

"A, B, C, D... nehn, neh mehnen O,P"
 
"I'll give you a doughnut if you let me go."
 
Say this real slow, in a creepy voice:

There is nothing in the trunk... no guns... dead bodies... nothing...
 
1) Hey, you must have been doin' at least 120 mph to keep up with me...Good job1

BTDT.

Scene: San Mateo Bridge in California. Speed limit: 55.

It was the first great summer day of the new year. Temp about 75. I took the top section off the car so I could enjoy the ride to work.

I was feeling frisky from it being such a great day, so I put the hammer down just as I was going under the Foster City overpass. I usually waited until I am on the bridge proper because cops like to hang out on top and catch unwary speeders. (Foreshadowing)

I hit maybe 90 or so by the time I got to the first bridge section. Traffic is light so I proceeded to accelerate to 110 or so as I went into the 3-lane-to-2-lane section at the end of the elevated section over the boat channel.

I had to pass a huge semi gravel truck on the right where the left lane ends because he was doing 85+ in the left lane. Slower traffic keep right, dude!

About halfway over the bridge, I see a tiny black and white dot in the background slowly gaining ground on me. So I decide to get off the gas and coast to a slower speed to keep the brake lights from coming on.

A CHP in a 5.0 Mustang pulls up next to me and gets on his PA system.

"Huff. Huff. Huff." (He can't catch his breath!)

"Pull over when we get off the bridge Huff. Huff. Huff."

"And leave about 300 feet behind you."

I wave at him to show I understood.

He stays right alongside me instead of pulling behind me as usual. He thinks I may decide to run for it!

I get over the bridge and pull over as he told me to do. He parks behind me, gets out of his car, and starts to walk in the opposite direction.

The gravel truck pulls in right behind him! He got both of us!

Given that he had to have told the gravel truck driver the same thing over his PA, he must have hit at least 140 coming after me...

The cop finally finishes giving the gravel truck driver his ticket and comes back to my car.

"How fast do you think you were going?"

I know he didn't have a chance to clock me...

"85?"

"Hmmm. OK. 85 it is."
 
"It was like that when I got here"
 
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