Things to never say to a cop

[Aegis]

"I'm an EMT transporting a patient to the hospital."

 

[SS-18 ICBM]

"I am proud of my African heritage"

 

[azzaman333]

Let's make love right here right now.

 

[Defiant47]

I'm not drunk. I'm very tired and sleepy after pulling two all-nighters... I can barely focus on the road. But I'm not drunk!

 

[azzaman333]

Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

 

[SS-18 ICBM]

To a female cop:
"If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"

 

[Perfection]

To a female cop:
"If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"

Yeeah, cuz she's probably fat.

 

[cardgame]

Yeeah, cuz she's probably fat.

Hey, what do you say I just buy you a dozen donuts and we just call this thing even?

 

[mechaerik]

(If you are a guy)

If I take my shirt off, will the ticket go away?

 

[Bratmon]

Hang on a sec. My registration is in the glove box, behind the booze.

 

[mechaerik]

When the officer gets to your car (before he/she speaks):

You have the right to remain silent!

~~OR~~

Now that you are on foot I can easily get away (hit the gas)!

 

[SS-18 ICBM]

"You'll never catch me, I have cheats!" (search for Grand Theft Awesome on youtube for the reference, [profanity warning])

 

[Buster's Uncle]

"Is it true that most guys who are cops took the job because they found the paperwork for a job hanging on the back of garbage trucks too hard?"

 

[choxorn]

"No, I'm not drunk, I'm just high."

 

[Mad Man]

Of course I have a gun on me, hear let me show you.

 

[GoodGame]

I just bought a t-shirt like this topic.

Some of the good ones:

"I know where you live"

"Thanks for just giving me a warning officer. That's what the cop who pulled me over yesterday did too."

"If you were on Cops, I'd swear they'd cancel the show"

"You're lucky this car needs some repairs, or you'd never have caught me".

"Oops, I gave you the wrong license"

 

[Onionsoilder]

"Oops, I gave you the wrong license"

Best one yet

 

[dagothar]

"I have boots of escaping!"

 

[Flying Pig]

I thought you had to be phisicly fit to be a cop....

You need to score 5.9 on a bleep test, and even the fattest lads at the school where I work get 6 at least.

 

[ParadigmShifter]

Link to video.