Would you accept being the 'alternate boyfriend'?

[El_Machinae]

Be careful of forming an emotional attachment, or a jealous attachment. It is unlikely that you'll be comfortable in a 'stable' relationship with her, considering that you've previously observed her behaviour in previous relationships.

This is a similar reason why it's never a good idea to steal a girl from someone, because then you have trouble trusting the girl in the future.

 

[Bamspeedy]

I'm with fifty on this... can someone give me the gist of it please?

There is this chick that works at the same company he does (but definitely not in the same department or area).

She keeps dropping him hints like she is interested in him.

He finally drops the hints back that yes he would like to date her.

She mentions she has a boyfriend.

So Lotus is trying to figure out if:
1. She wants to keep Lotus as a 'backup' if her boyfriend fails.
or
2. She is looking for some extra action on the side.
or
3. Lotus is supposed to try to 'win her over' to get her to date him and dump this loser boyfriend she has.
or
4. He should just forget about her, or at least until she is totally single.

I would recommend #4. The other ones are viable, but be prepared for sometime when Lotus finds that he is in the same spot that this other 'boyfriend' is in right now.

 

[Fifty]

There is this chick that works at the same company he does (but definitely not in the same department or area).

She keeps dropping him hints like she is interested in him.

He finally drops the hints back that yes he would like to date her.

She mentions she has a boyfriend.

So Lotus is trying to figure out if:
1. She wants to keep Lotus as a 'backup' if her boyfriend fails.
or
2. She is looking for some extra action on the side.
or
3. Lotus is supposed to try to 'win her over' to get her to date him and dump this loser boyfriend she has.
or
4. He should just forget about her, or at least until she is totally single.

I would recommend #4. The other ones are viable, but be prepared for sometime when Lotus finds that he is in the same spot that this other 'boyfriend' is in right now.

oh, and why can't he just do whatever he feels like? Like why is he asking for advice? At the very least try to have intercourse with her, and if you feel like getting with her beyond that then do it. I don't see the difficulty here.

 

[Mise]

I'd hope that it was #2, and try and sleep with her. I don't think she's #4 material tbh, and if her b/f really is a loser then she's probably looking for #2 anyway. You can always try and do #1 to her as well, if you like.

 

[Lotus49]

Please, I can't take the sleaze! One thing I've learned that I should stick with, is come up with wise, justified rules to live by - and stick with them. One of the rules I've had, is never have a military woman. (I'm civillian/ex-Marine, she's USAF) I was thinking I might make an exception this once... afterall, this one in particular is the least military-like I've ever seen.

But, militiary is military. I seek someone more lady-like (i.e. hasn't been through 'boot camp'). As for the whole "He should try to get some intercourse... maybe she wants some action on the side...!" -Please, that's not my style.

I guess you encounter lots of people in life, on occasion, that are oh-so-close to the template you're looking for. But, that doesn't mean you should get ahead of yourself with excitement. Anyway, I'm playing it cool. We'll see what happens, if anything. Just wondering if I was failing to do "what all real men are supposed to do" in this situation. But, if it's meant to be... it'll happen. So, no sweat.

 

[NKVD]

i'm sure I would find a girlfriend before she calls me...

 

[JerichoHill]

Why would you want to be in this position? Aren't you capable of finding said same qualities without the b.s.?

Not to mention, with your whole scenario, she's not quality except in looks. Seriously, read what you wrote, and would you want that each and every day.

 

[Cheezy the Wiz]

I'd tell this girl ot go f*ck herself, no woman is worth sitting on the bench for. Quite simply, there's no way she can respect you if you're part of her "reserve" pool; because that's basically saying that she likes you, but you're not good enough to warrant her breaking up with her nothing-special boyfriend for. Of course, if a woman were to break up with her BF for me, I wouldn't take her anyway; what's to stop her from doing the same thing to me?

Of course, I'm not you. If you're satisfied with playing second fiddle, that's your perogative, and this is your opportunity.

 

[warpus]

Get to know her and become "office buddies"

Show her what kind of a person you are

Maybe she's looking for a way out of her other relationship You never know.

 

[Stylesjl]

If you are looking for casual sex, go for it! If its a long term relationship- Absolutely not!

 

[CaptainF]

As Warpus said, maybe she wants to leave her relationship for one with you.

I'd say stick yourself out in the open, give it your best shot, but know when to stand down, soldier.

I personally would never play second fiddle, because second fiddle may as well read as "cuddle b!tch", to go with the Ladder Theory lingo.

 

[Shadylookin]

No you're a man, not a circus animal meant to jump through her hoops.

if you just want some hot office closet sex then I suppose it doesn't matter, but given that she mentioned her boyfriend and her next sentence didn't include how she broke up with him it seems like a long shot.

 

[Shylock]

On principle, I wouldn't

On reality, I may eventually have to settle with that, nothing, or something even more pathetic and undesirable.

 

[Gelion]

Give me time to get back from Uni, I got some words for you.

 

[amadeus]

Put her in your reserve file yourself.

 

[CCA]

Put her in your reserve file yourself.

The ultimate revenge!
Although we all are doing that all the time unconciously..

 

[Gr3yL3gion]

Ask her who's her boyfriend is and expose her!

 

[IglooDame]

As to the overall issue - yeah, just keep at it with her (or not - personally I wouldn't bother with her), but continue looking for "the one". I don't see any reason why you would commit to her if she's not committing to you.

As to this...

Please, I can't take the sleaze! One thing I've learned that I should stick with, is come up with wise, justified rules to live by - and stick with them. One of the rules I've had, is never have a military woman. (I'm civillian/ex-Marine, she's USAF) I was thinking I might make an exception this once... afterall, this one in particular is the least military-like I've ever seen.

But, militiary is military. I seek someone more lady-like (i.e. hasn't been through 'boot camp').

I've met very "ladylike" women in the military, both former and current. I'd respectfully suggest that your rule is complete BS.

 

[Pontiuth Pilate]

Holy crap, the first and last time I will ever agree with rmsharpe.

A woman plays with you to see if you will allow yourself to be played. She is flirting to see if her boyfriend will accept that behavior. She's stringing you along to see if you will allow yourself to be led by the nose. If you do, then you're not desirable.

So turn that crap around. You're in charge. Ignore her. She'll wonder what happened and maybe start working to actually make you desire her instead of using you to work out her emotional insecurities.

Love is a chase, you must always either be catching up or gamely pursued. Nobody wants to play tag with someone who stands still.

 

[IglooDame]

Holy crap, the first and last time I will ever agree with rmsharpe.

A woman plays with you to see if you will allow yourself to be played. She is flirting to see if her boyfriend will accept that behavior. She's stringing you along to see if you will allow yourself to be led by the nose. If you do, then you're not desirable.

So turn that crap around. You're in charge. Ignore her. She'll wonder what happened and maybe start working to actually make you desire her instead of using you to work out her emotional insecurities.

Love is a chase, you must always either be catching up or gamely pursued. Nobody wants to play tag with someone who stands still.

On the other hand, maybe she does want someone she can figuratively keep on a leash. No way of telling, really.