18 Civs; the Aztec Version

[DroopyTofu]

I like this. Yuca is a moron, but, of coarse Monty is to.
It sounds good

 

[BakingTheArt]

Yuca's smart.

Don't kill off the Incas until Europe is discovered. You need at last one trading partner.

 

[MadmanOfALeader]

Man, you got all this crap backwards... the Mexicans conquer the U.S.? What's next? They bring the Spanish civilization to the ground?

 

[Nerowannabe]

One they are not Mexicans they are aztecs and if it was historical it would be so boring getting raped by conquistadors while all you have is swordsmen.

 

[MadmanOfALeader]

I was just joking.

 

[Harry Potter52]

That's a good post

 

[Harry Potter52]

I mean Pacifist's posts not your bickering

 

[Nerowannabe]

Okay....no we play the waiting game.

 

[Harry Potter52]

I am used to it

 

[damnation]

haha wow this is going to be as good as the egyption story! Monty has almost the same personality as Hati, and yuka is the new scythe!

 

[Pacifist46]

Yuca's smart.

Don't kill off the Incas until Europe is discovered. You need at last one trading partner.

Erm . . . too late i already played the next few turns.
Thanks to everyone who posted, it's much appreciated.

 

[Pacifist46]

Part II​

650BC​

But Montezuma is not satisfied with wiping out America
MONTEZUMA: ME WANT MORE BLOOOOOOOOD!
POPOL: Erm . . . of course, sire, it would be . . . delightful, but can we at least pause for thought?
MONTEZUMA: NO! I’ve decided, we must now act fast to fully leverage our jaguars.
YUCA: Yuca agree, but how?
MONTEZUMA: Now of course this is a HUGE guess, but I reckon there’s an empire down south as well.
AXA: Good! Someone else to talk to.
MONTEZUMA: And we’re going to ship our jaguars over and . . . KILL THEM! A-MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
AXA: No! That just isn’t fair.
MONTEZUMA: Life ain’t fair. What you gonna do?
POPOL: But how are you going to get ships over there?
MONTEZUMA: Just wait and see. Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!
POPOL: You’ll need to start Sailing at any rate. We just finished Mathematics.
MONTEZUMA: Mathematics? What do we need THAT for? I can already count.
POPOL: Your counting differs to mine, sire, and many others too.
MONTEZUMA: Oh. Well, I can see you do need it then. Imagine not knowing how to count! I bet you don’t even know what two plus three is.
POPOL: Five.
MONTEZUMA: See?

 

[Pacifist46]

575BC​

Sea!
POPOL: We finished sailing, and started alphabet.
MONTEZUMA: I already know how to write!
AXA: Actually, that’s true enough.

 

[Pacifist46]

300BC​

The fleet is ready
MONTEZUMA: Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! Our 5 Galleys are loaded with 10 Jags, and we’re off!
POPOL: It appears you settled Texcoco, so your fleet could sail through the isthmus. I hoped . . . I mean, didn’t think you’d realised.
MONTEZUMA: I know everything, Popol, you idiot. And anyway, I founded Texcoco because I felt like it, the fleet could get through anyway.
AXA: What? What a stroke of lunacy!
MONTEZUMA: I know, Popol is a lunatic, isn’t he?
(Yuca enters)
YUCA: Yuca bring visitors.
MONTEZUMA: AHA! Everyone keep quiet, and don’t tell him about our plan.
(A stranger enters)
STRANGER: The Incan Empire welcomes the glorious Aztec people and their leader, Montezuma. You play ceremonial ball with us, we’ll play ceremonial ball with you.
MONTEZUMA: Erm, welcome!
CAPAC: You seem distracted. Why?
MONTEZUMA: Erm, for a fleeting moment there I thought you were my wife, who I had shipped over to Washington before the invasion of rats, who conquered our palace before I killed them with my pet jaguars. Erm, no, sorry, I didn’t . . . oh, what the hell. I WANT YOUR BLOOD!
AXA: Cool, calm, collected. That’s our leader.
CAPAC: What? You mean that fleet isn’t a peace party?
MONTEZUMA: MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA! BLOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!
CAPAC: Yeah, I think I’ll go.
MONTEZUMA: No, wait, I want peace.
CAPAC: Really?
MONTEZUMA: For now, yeah.
CAPAC: (sighs) Whatever. Now can I go? I have to prepare for war with my psychopathic neighbour.
MONTEZUMA: Really? Haven’t met him. See ya.
(Capac exits)
MONTEZUMA: Do you think he twigged?
AXA: If he did, it sure wasn’t your fault. You played it sooooooo well.
MONTEZUMA: Good! It doesn’t really matter, we’re declaring war next turn anyway. And well done, lads, for letting me do the talking.

 

[Pacifist46]

250BC​

Montezuma declares war
MONTEZUMA: HEY! CAPAC, YOU SON OF A WHORE!
CAPAC: What?
MONTEZUMA: It’s war, beeeatch! WOOOOOOOO!
CAPAC: Really. And you woke me up for that breaking piece of news.
MONTEZUMA: Erm, yeah.
CAPAC: Go home, Montezuma. Apart from anything else, my kingdom is small and poor.
MONTEZUMA: But rich in blood. Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

 

[Pacifist46]

225BC​

Tiwanaku is captured
YUCA: The defense, Archer and Quechua, killed no losses.
MONTEZUMA: Press on.

 

[Pacifist46]

125BC​

Montezuma incurs heavy losses
YUCA: We lose half our troops capturing Cuzco, sire.
MONTEZUMA: Bugger. I forgot, Capac gets copper basically on his doorstep.
POPOL: Then make peace.
MONTEZUMA: I intend to make pieces of him, you know that.
POPOL: Did I say Pieces?
MONTEZUMA: Erm, YES, you did.
POPOL: Never mind. I meant, make peace, as in, END THE DAMN WAR!
MONTEZUMA: Alright, alright! Jeez, don’t get angry, will you! I can replenish my forces, then attack again.
POPOL: That wasn’t what I meant either . . . oh, who cares. I could have a better conversation with a brick wall.
AXA: Brick walls don’t’ talk!
POPOL: Exactly.

 

[Pacifist46]

100BC​

Montezuma goes to make peace
MONTEZUMA: Hey, Capac, my favourite trading partner!
CAPAC: Trading partner? I thought we were at war!
MONTEZUMA: We are. I thought, you trade me Meditation, Archery AND Masonry, and I’ll give you the square root of bugger all for it. Oh, I almost forgot, I’ll leave off you for a while.
CAPAC: Done.
MONTEZUMA: As I said, cheers Huayna, my favourite trading partner.
CAPAC: Well I get better deals from the barbarians than you. They attack me less.
MONTEZUMA: You’re mistaken. I AM the barbarians! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

 

[Pacifist46]

420AD​

The Aztecs tech for a few turns in peace
POPOL: Wow, since last time, we researched Alphabet, Pottery, Code of Laws, Currency and Monarchy!
MONTEZUMA: And I’m adopting HR. Because I’m spiritual. And I’m building a Sac Altar in Tenoch-thingy now. Man, I LOVE being Aztec! Aggressive, Spiritual, Jags and Sac Altars! What more could you want?
POPOL: How about a competent leader?
MONTEZUMA: You’re not insulting me, are you?
POPOL: No, I, erm, merely mentioned how competent our leader must be. Hey, our leader is you!
MONTEZUMA: Yeah, don’t forget it. Now start Compass, with regard to Optics. We need to get out there and, erm, meet other guys. Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

 

[Pacifist46]

520AD​

Time for the Incas to make their last stand
MONTEZUMA: There. 9 Jags and an Axe should do it. Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!
YUCA: Yuca be back.
AXA: May the Force be with you!
POPOL: That’s Yoda, you idiot.