18 Civs; the Aztec Version

[Pacifist46]

1909AD​

The first nuke is ready
MONTEZUMA: You have no idea how much I’ve been looking forward to this.
POPOL: Actually, sire, you did give us a reasonable impression with all your mwa-ha-ing and what have you.
VERZUMA: Which city are you going to attack, darling?
MONTEZUMA: Hmm. It’s gonna be . . . Pasargardae. It’s surrounded by a sea of cottages and has a population of 18 or something. It should create some serious CARNAGE! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!
POPOL: OK then. Here’s your big red button (proffers the button)
MONTEZUMA: MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA! (jabs button)
AXA: Whilst the Persian defences are distracted, I think we can get some satellite images of the destruction wreaked around the Central East up on the big screen.
MONTEZUMA: (peers at screen) What? All I can see is that big mushroom cloud thing . . . no, wait, it’s clearing . . . HA! Their city is in ruins! Soldiers lie dead everywhere!

(screen goes black)

AXA: Ah well, the Persians spotted our satellite and shot it, but we got some last information. We reckon we wiped out about half the city, and irradiated the surroundings, which will make them useless for a long time.
MONTEZUMA: That was uber-cool! I want MORE!
POPOL: A word of advice, sire, your . . . proactive tendencies will not go down well with . . .
MONTEZUMA: Shut up, before I exile you to Gordium.

 

[Pacifist46]

1910AD​

K – S is retaken
VERZUMA: The reinforcements have pushed Persian borders back from the city of Kumbi Saleh.
AXA: Those guys must be fed up of war right now, we keep looting their city.
MONTEZUMA: Who cares? Not me, and that’s all that matters. Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

 

[Pacifist46]

1911AD​

A quick visit from Qin
QIN: The strong nation of China sends its regards to you, Montezuma.
MONTEZUMA: I doubt China regards me as anything more than a lunatic.
QIN: You are wrong, Montezuma, as always. China has seen fit to trade some of its rice to Aztecs, so that all can enjoy its benefits.
MONTEZUMA: And what am I supposed to tribute China for this seemingly generous donation?
QIN: Nothing that you don’t have in abundance already Montezuma. I talk about the almost useless green substance of Uranium, of course. We wish to keep it in our museums as an artefact from your mighty nation.
MONTEZUMA: Really. Well unfortunately, your visit has yet again proved as fruitless as an orange plantation in the wastelands of Palinaska. Count yourself as lucky to be granted a safe passage out of my nation.
QIN: Whatever.

 

[Pacifist46]

1912AD​

Ecbatana is unlucky
MONTEZUMA: Yeah! Nukes rule!
VERZUMA: That’s as maybe, but surely you have had enough fun of nuking Cyrus now?
MONTEZUMA: No way, honey! Keep the nukes coming, I say.
VERZUMA: Come on, stop nuking Cyrus. For me?
MONTEZUMA: Sorry, I’m just deriving waaaaaaaay too much pleasure from this. Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!
VERZUMA: (mutters) So, you have outlived your usefulness, eh?

 

[Pacifist46]

1914AD​

What kind of a name is Jinjan?
MONTEZUMA: Seriously though, I’m starting to think some of these names are made up. Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!
VERZUMA: We will need more troops if we are to hold Jinjan for long darling.
MONTEZUMA: Alright, alright, I’m working on it.

 

[Pacifist46]

1915AD​

Yet more land is captured – and nuked
MONTEZUMA: Ha! Tarsus will take centuries to recover from that blow! So what’s happening over in North Exmalia?
VERZUMA: The city of Elephantine has been retaken, and we also managed to take the upstart city of Rheims.
MONTEZUMA: Not bad, but not as cool as what I did.
POPOL: All you did was press a button.
MONTEZUMA: And by doing so, I unleashed terror upon millions of people!
AXA: How cool. This is exactly why nuclear weapons should be banned.
MONTEZUMA: Good idea actually Axa.
AXA: What?
MONTEZUMA: If nukes were banned, no-one would be able to strike back at me when I nuked them!
AXA: Erm . . . yeah, great plan!

 

[Pacifist46]

1918AD​

World War 1 shows no sign of abating
MONTEZUMA: Aaah! That Persian will suffer for that!
VERZUMA: I did say we needed reinforcements.
MONTEZUMA: Yeah, but they take time. They won’t be long, and besides, I have a great plan of what to do with them.
POPOL: I shudder to think.

 

[Pacifist46]

1919AD​

Montezuma makes his first radio announcement
MONTEZUMA: And here is the main headline again, those f***ing Persian bastards have reportedly taken the city of Kumbi Saleh back, but don’t believe anything us media guys say. Aztec forces are massing to exact gruesome revenge. It’s gonna be SWEET! Erm . . . yeah, I’m the Emperor and now you’re up to date with Aztec FM.

culture:“Az – tec – F – M! The one and on – ly sta – tion for the might – iest na - tion!”)

POPOL: The theme tune’s awesome, but I think your reporting technique needs a little fine-tuning, sire.
MONTEZUMA: Popol, I’m just telling it how it is.
POPOL: Yeah, but technically, you’re not allowed to swear on a national radio station.
MONTEZUMA: Ha! Those regulators probably won’t catch me.
POPOL: Did I mention that we only have one national radio station, as decreed by you, so as to “ensure there will be no bias”?
MONTEZUMA: Don’t be such a miserable bastard, Popol. And I’m going down to nuke Gordium now, so that’ll distract everyone.

 

[Pacifist46]

1920AD​

Asoka leaves the Persian gang
ASOKA: Hey, Montezuma, I left Cyrus this morning, so we can have peace now! I wouldn’t fancy my chances against your mighty army!
MONTEZUMA: Cheers Asoka mate, much appreciated.
ASOKA: Alright, here’s 290 Gold, 16 GPT and World Map for peace. So peace, dude! (Asoka exits)

MONTEZUMA: Guess what?
VERZUMA: (sighs) What?
MONTEZUMA: Reinforcements are arriving – south of Borazjan!
POPOL: Awesome!
MONTEZUMA: Yeah, that should catch Cyrus off-guard. Or at least unprepared . . .
To be continued . . .

 

[Pacifist46]

so, is there a timetable for the next update?

I would put up a timetable, but I likely wouldn't be able to stick to it, such is the busy nature of this time of the year.

 

[cIV_khanh93]

NOOOOO! must know at least until 2051 AD!!! Whatvictory you going for? conquest?space?

 

[DroopyTofu]

Yay! An update!
This story is amazing!!!!
BTW, what are you going for. I don't think you'd be able to pull off a military victory at this rate; surely not time; is Culture even possible with Monty; everyone hates you, so no Diplo; all that's left is Space. Is that your plan?

 

[Harry Potter52]

WoowwwwW!!!! That's all I can say for this update, it kept me on my seat's edge
P.S. What vera gonna do, is she a spy?

 

[Turquoiside]

Yay! An update!
This story is amazing!!!!
BTW, what are you going for. I don't think you'd be able to pull off a military victory at this rate; surely not time; is Culture even possible with Monty; everyone hates you, so no Diplo; all that's left is Space. Is that your plan?

Why can't he do Time?

 

[cIV_khanh93]

time is a bad victory.

 

[Nerowannabe]

1816AD​

But Yuca doesn’t come back
MONTEZUMA: Oh . . . s**t.
POPOL: It wasn’t your fault sire.
MONTEZUMA: It was! It was! I shouldn’t have let him go. (puts head in hands)
AXA: Come on sire, we can maybe get a literate military advisor now.
MONTEZUMA: I can’t believe it. Yuca! Gone!
POPOL: How could you have known that a stray Malinese arrow would go straight through his eye? No-one could have predicted. Anyway, he should have taken his helmet.
MONTEZUMA: That’s my fault as well! I wouldn’t let him take it because . . . because . . . oh, I WAS USING IT AS A TOILET! (starts sobbing).
AXA: Right. I must have heard that wrong, but I’m not going to ask, just in case.
POPOL: Come on sire! It’s time like this that the Empire needs confident leadership, and even if your leadership is horrendous, at least you’re always confident in yourself.
AXA: Arrogant, some would call it.
MONTEZUMA: (gradually stops crying) You’re right, Popol. I’m going over to Mali right now and FINISHING THOSE BASTARDS! I’ll leave you two to rule whilst I’m gone. And I suppose you should appoint a new military advisor.
POPOL: Good call, sire.
MONTEZUMA: (smiles weakly) Thanks, Popol. (Montezuma exits)
AXA: Wow, I didn’t know he was capable of feeling such . . . emotion.
POPOL: Even if he does seem like an idiot most of the time, you gotta remember, he’s our founder, an Aztec through and through, and he cares the most about the Empire. Don’t worry, he’ll be back to normal soon, after he’s killed some Africans.
AXA: I hope so. It’s too much of a shock. So anyway, what about this new military advisor?
POPOL: Hmm. I think it’s time we got a little . . . female influence on this team.

Using it as a toilet lol great posting mate!

 

[Rednax]

Great story!!! This helps me build my anticipation for Christmas (don't have the game yet)

 

[Pacifist46]

I reckon I have left a military victory too late also now, especially as I am disadvantaged by my core being on a separate continent, so I will likely shoot for space soon. Time would be too easy at this low a difficulty level I think. And thanks again to everybody who continues to register their appreciation of the story.

 

[MotezumaMan]

You sould make santa in this but call him Santazuma lol Montezuma in a santa suit

 

[DroopyTofu]

Wait, no update for 18 DAYS!?!?
Can we have an update. Pretty pleassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssse with sugar on top