18 Civs; the Mongol Version

[DroopyTofu]

Mansa looks like he's so happy about that deal that he is going to sneeze in your 1070 post.

I love the ghetto Alexander. I think he's gotten dumber the older he gets. I guess you mind starts to slip after 3000 years, though.

 

[Nerowannabe]

Great update. I wonder if knights will soon dominate the mongol scene...

 

[Pacifist46]

VIII - Assault on India

Part IV​

1090AD

Isabella is in the empire.

GENGHIS: This can only mean one thing; a religious rant.
ISABELLA: Correct. Hinduism. It sickens me more surely than any disease I might catch from your barbarian tribe. Otherwise I wouldn’t be here.
GENGHIS: Go on then. Out with it.
ISABELLA: It is so false! The polytheistic model is not only completely absurd, but impossible! There cannot exist more than one all-powerful being without creating a logical paradox. I see some of your wiser subjects have realised this and turned to the one true faith. Judaism! Convert now, you heathen scum, or suffer the wrath of the greatest force of our existence!
GENGHIS: Not bad. For a moment there I felt very impassioned. But there was no way you were going to convince me, so don’t be too hard on yourself.
ISABELLA: Oppressor! Your cities of Zapotec, Turfan and Ning-hsia all follow the true faith. Yet daily you deny them the right to worship God!
GENGHIS: Look, if it makes you feel any better, I’m not too sure about this Hindu thingy either …
ISABELLA: Bah! You barely even consider religion!
KOLAI: She’s got a point, you …
GENGHIS: Shut up Kolai. Well, it was nice seeing you again. But next time, I’d appreciate a little less shrieking.
ISABELLA: To hell with you, Genghis, slave of the masses!

Isabella exits

GENGHIS: Slave? Now she’s just talking rubbish. So, back to more interesting things. Kolai, you said you’d ordered an attack on the Ligurian tribes?
KOLAI: Yes, my lord. I decided to divert a few reinforcements on their way to India to take part in a conquest of the afore-mentioned barbarous region south of Zapotec.
Basically, our War Elephants and Keshiks stormed the place, since their camp didn’t have any defences, and they had no spears to counter us effectively. And yeah, it went to plan. Slaughtered the bastards no problem at all.

 

[Pacifist46]

GENGHIS: Nice work Kolai! Turn their camp into a functioning town. I want that region contributing to this empire; it’s not a bloody charity, after all.
GRIZNAKH: I hardly think the native inhabitants of Ligurian saw your invasion as a charitable excursion, Genghis.
GENGHIS: Well I couldn’t give a flying monkey’s what the stupid Ligurians think, they’ll be better off in the empire, and well protected. And they’re gonna pay for it.

Cyrus enters

CYRUS: You could learn a lot from the Ligurians, Genghis. About hygiene for one.
That place practically looked like a civilization stuck next to your cesspit.
GENGHIS: Shut up, you effeminate clown. At least they knew how to shave.
And your hair looks like a ten year old girl’s.
CYRUS: Ha! Genghis, Genghis, you should really stop insulting me. You’re only making things worse for yourself in the long run.
GENGHIS: Yeah, well in the long run, we’re all dead.
CYRUS: Ok, I’ve had enough of trying to teach you some manners. Here’s the deal:

He produces a scroll

GENGHIS: Let’s see. Proposal for the uncod - unconditional surrender of the Mongol Tribe. I’m not signing this!
CYRUS: Oh, wait, that’s not for this turn. You’ll get that one in a few years. Here’s the correct scroll.

He switches the scroll for another

GENGHIS: Proposal for the complete disclosure of all information and documents pertaining to accurate projections of the known world. This treaty, once signed by two leaders, will empower each leader to demand the stated information from the official records of the empire of the other. Note: such an agreement is mutually beneficial, and additional terms are therefore non-negotiable. Cut the crap, Cyrus. What does this mean?
IALBUK: It means, sire, that he wants to exchange world maps.
GENGHIS: So he wants to exchange world maps, does he? Now why would he want to do that? OH! I know! Because it’s beneficial to him. And because of that, I say no!
IALBUK: Sir, if you read this last sentence, it explains that it is mutually …
GENGHIS: You must take me for a fool, Cyrus! I share my world maps with no-one outside the empire!
CYRUS: Come on, you idiot. I’ve seen many things you haven’t.
GENGHIS: But not a razor.
CYRUS: Ha bloody ha. Well I can say I tried with you Genghis.

Cyrus exits

IALBUK: That might have been a good deal for us.
GENGHIS: Ialbuk, when you get more experience in the day-to-day running of the empire, you’ll get to know one important thing; if I didn’t suggest something, it doesn’t benefit us. Treating all leaders as people who are trying to screw you over saves a lot of time, you know.
KOLAI: I bet you’d like to screw Isabella over sire - and over again! Haha!
GRIZNAKH: Oh, keep it civilized man! This isn’t the barracks, it’s the high council of the Mongol Empire, and such coarse evocations are improper.
GENGHIS: Ok, I wasn’t listening, but shut up Griznakh, your language is annoying me. Use shorter words in future - and that’s an order. Right then, that’s all for today, council dismissed.

The next ten years passed without incident, until Genghis decided he was bored. And when Genghis is bored, he can only think of one think to do …

 

[Pacifist46]

1100AD

GENGHIS: Right people, remember that Indian city we razed a while back? Agra, I think it was called.
IALBUK: It was a good decision sire. Have you just benefitted with, I don’t know, a team of explorers finding a cache of ancient writings, previously undiscovered, providing a random boost to our research?
GENGHIS: What are you on about man?
GRIZNAKH: Ialbuk, I think random events are turned off.
IALBUK: Oh. Ok, carry on.
GENGHIS: Oh, thanks, since you most graciously allow me, I will carry on. Well I decided I want a city on that site after all. So behold Tiflis.

 

[Pacifist46]

IALBUK: Real great stuff sire. Out of it’s eight original tiles, four are mountains and two are covered in jungle.
GENGHIS: Yeah, well it’s riverside jungle, so there. And give it time.
IALBUK: Let’s give it, I don’t know, a thousand years.
GENGHIS: That seems fair enough. In a thousand years, Tiflis will have made a net contribution to the empire.
IALBUK: But the victory will be ours within a thousand years. Or loss.
GENGHIS: So? Ialbuk, I know you’re clever and that, but sometimes, you just don’t make sense. I mean, here I am talking about Tiflis, and then you go and spout something about victory.
GRIZNAKH: Besides, any city which immediately boosts production of bananas and spices simultaneously must be advantageous overall.
GENGHIS: Exactly. See Ialbuk? It’s not often me and Grizzy agree, but when we do, we’re definitely right.
IALBUK: Whatever sire.
GRIZNAKH: Thank you sire.
GENGHIS: It wasn’t a compliment. See, I’m always right, so if you don’t often agree with me, then you’re most often wrong. That’s what I was getting at.

Fortunately the meeting was adjourned there, and the council were spared any further nuggets of wisdom the Mongol leader might have been prepared to share. The city of Tiflis kept Genghis occupied for a few years, but inevitably he would forget about it when something else came along, requiring his attention …

 

[Pacifist46]

1130AD

HATSHEPSUT: How-do, Mr Mean.
GENGHIS: Not you again. Shouldn’t you be in school or something?
HATSHEPSUT: At least we have schools.
GENGHIS: Hey, we have an education department, don’t we Ialbuk? In our bureaucracy or something.
IALBUK: Well sire, after you finished interfering …
GENGHIS: Finished what?
IALBUK: Erm, … I meant to say, finished honing our bureaucracy to perfection.
GENGHIS: You better have.
IALBUK: Erm .. so yeah, after you showed an … active interest, we ended up with the Department of Education, Transport, Health, Police, Commerce and Industry. So it doesn’t quite have it’s own department.
GENGHIS: Well then, that just proves you Egyptians are stupid again. After all, we get along fine education-wise without schools.
IALBUK: No we don’t. And anyway, you’ve reallocated the funding for that entire department to the Department for Dog-Fighting Stadium Construction five years in a row.
GENGHIS: That was necessary! We need to retain our global advantage in dog-fighting. Play to your strengths, I always say. And anyway, we were hosting the Dog-fighting World Championships!
IALBUK: World Championships? Which other countries entered any teams?
GENGHIS: Actually, a number of countries participated.
IALBUK: Like who?
GENGHIS: Well there was that team from Arabia, admittedly they were rubbish. Our lads knocked them out in the first round!
IALBUK: Who did they play in the second round?
GENGHIS: Erm … oh, the name slips my mind.
IALBUK: That’s because there were only two teams in the damn championships! Some world sport.
HATSHEPSUT: Erm, guys? If I could …
GENGHIS: Shut up, can’t you see I’m talking? Well if you’re so bloody clever, how come you didn’t get invited to the International Science Convention a couple of months ago? Eh?
IALBUK: (flushes) They must have missed my name off the list is all.
GENGHIS: Ha! Keep dreaming.
HATSHEPSUT: Hello …
GENGHIS: Oh, you’re still here? Well, snap to it, lad. I haven’t got all day.
HATSHEPSUT: First of all, I am Queen Hatshepsut, not a lad.
GENGHIS: Hello? I don’t give a crap.
HATSHEPSUT: Is there any chance we could have Compass?
GENGHIS: What for?
HATSHEPSUT: Erm … for free.
GENGHIS: Ha! And you came all this way and waited all that time, just to say that?
HATSHEPSUT: Yeah. I don’t know why either.

Hatshepsut exits quickly, before Genghis can hurl any more abuse

GENGHIS: Stupid bloody Egyptians. Wasting my time.
IALBUK: Whilst this may not be the best time, can I inform you of a breakthrough in our technological research?
GENGHIS: Hmm. If its got anything to do with war, then maybe.
IALBUK: It does actually. You know Keshiks?
GENGHIS: Stupid question Ialbuk.
KOLAI: I know Keshiks!
IALBUK: Really?
KOLAI: Yeah, I do, actually! They’re the cavalry in our armies.
IALBUK: No kidding. Rhetorical question, Kolai. Anyway, you may be of the opinion that Keshiks are hardcore, and can never be bested.
KOLAI: Hell yeah! I don’t reckon it’s possible to beat them with equal numbers! Never will better weaponry be made!
IALBUK: For god’s sake, you said that about bows and arrows! And anyway, better weapons have already been invented!
GENGHIS: That BETTER be a joke!
IALBUK: Fortunately, it was us that invented those weapons. Remember how we use Pikemen instead of Spearmen now as anti-cavalry auxiliary support?
KOLAI: Yep. I remember that too!
IALBUK: Well, have you ever pitted a force of Keshiks against an equal force of Pikemen?
KOLAI: Nope. Keshiks’d have ‘em for breakfast though.
IALBUK: Care to bet on that?
KOLAI: Yeah! After all, Spearmen couldn’t beat Keshiks, so why should these Pikemen be able to?
IALBUK: Because they’re better!
KOLAI: So?
GENGHIS: Hold on. Are you trying to tell us that Pikemen would actually beat Keshiks?
IALBUK: Of course they would! It wouldn’t even be close!
GENGHIS: Bugger! Ialbuk, I order you to improve the Keshiks until they can beat Pikemen!
IALBUK: And we are finally at the point of my story. You see, I just finished Guilds. And my main project was revamping the Keshik. And, I am glad to say I succeeded.
GENGHIS: Yes! So Keshiks rule again?
IALBUK: Well, these new Keshiks, they are more heavily armoured, and possess much stronger lances. Made from iron.
GENGHIS: Good.
IALBUK: But … I regret to tell you, due to the weight of the armour and the weapons, when the rest of the world catches on, they may be able to train horsemen to hold their own with ours. Our innate superiority is no longer applicable.
GENGHIS: WHAT? You fool! Go away and try again.
IALBUK: Sire …
GENGHIS: I ain’t kidding. This was our one advantage over the world …
IALBUK: What about dog-fighting?
GENGHIS: Well, that as well, but Keshiks were cooler. And now you say that they can’t be used much longer, and we have to upgrade our horsemen to become, oh, what did you say the name was?
IALBUK: I didn’t. But they will become knights.
GENGHIS: And now you say our Knights will be mere equals compared to other knights from other countries?
IALBUK: Well, I wouldn’t go that far sire. There’s a small matter of the Arabian camel arch … erm, actually I don’t think I’ll tell you that. Yes sire, you assume correctly.
GENGHIS: Well it’s a bloody farce. I’m annoyed.
IALBUK: At least you’re not furious.
GENGHIS: Ok, so apart from this fantastic step down, what else did you discover?
IALBUK: Erm … well, I improved hygiene in food stalls, which will lead to greater wealth as well as health.
GENGHIS: Woo-hoo, what a game-breaking discovery. NOT! Anything else?
IALBUK: I upgraded the equipment in our workshops as well. It increased their productivity slightly.
GENGHIS: Another sarcastic round of applause for that one. Now go and research something interesting, will you?
IALBUK: Interesting to me, or interesting to you?
GENGHIS: I said, something interesting. Stuff is either interesting, or it’s not, what other possibilities can there be? Don’t try and confuse simple issues.
IALBUK: Your word is my command sire

Ialbuk exits

KOLAI: Here’s something interesting sire. A student at the war academy in Beijing, training to be an officer, has displayed such a comprehensive and thorough understanding of war that I reckon he’s ready to be a general, even given his lack of proper experience. I’ve seen him on the practice ground, and he’s bloody quality.
GENGHIS: Right. What’s his name?
KOLAI: His name is Heinz Guderian.
GENGHIS: Heinz? That’s not a Mongol name!
KOLAI: His grandparents emigrated from Germany, sire.
GENGHIS: Ha! That’s one nil over Frederick. Right. Invest in this man, and see that he is given a command. I want him to become the greatest general the world has ever seen!
KOLAI: What about me sire?
GENGHIS: You’re still pretty competent. And your experience counts for a bit.
KOLAI: Cheers for that sire.
GRIZNAKH: Don’t look so put out, coming from Genghis, that’s high praise.
ISHAK: Yeah man, he’s, like, obviously got, like, trust in you and stuff.
GENGHIS: Exactly. Now move out! We’re almost at Pataliputra!

As the council separated, the army, marching south, crested the ridge. Below them, a sprawling mass of buildings unfolded, overshadowed by a huge volcano to the east. Genghis’s army approached from the north, and the ocean lay to the west. And behind the city, well, there were a few cow farms, and then the land also gave way to sea, which stretched out to the horizon.
The army had reached the last continental stronghold of the Indians. Perched right on the very southern extremity of the Indian peninsula, Pataliputra was a wealthy trading post, a stop for many merchants on their way east.

 

[Pacifist46]

1140AD

But right now, word of the imminent Mongol conquest had spread far and wide, and the city was deserted of merchants, and also of citizens, as many had fled overseas to the island fortress of Calcutta. In fact the Indian leader, knowing the city was lost, had left merely a token garrison in the city - one regiment of spears and one of archers - withdrawing all other forces to Calcutta. The doomed regiments stood on the wall, awaiting their fate, feeling sick with fear as the impressive Mongol army proceeded down the hill and marched towards the city. As the sun began to set, the Mongols erected their camp and settled down for the night. In order to avoid a repeat of the fiasco at Vijayanagra, Genghis tripled sentries and doubled the watch reports throughout the night. The attack would start in earnest in the morning.

The siege was not a long one, and the battle for the city was also brief. The thin lines presented to the Keshiks by the spears and archers buckled under the weight of the charge, and within minutes the Indian formation disintegrated into a loose melee of one on one skirmishes. The foot soldiers were easily outclassed by the intense ferocity and aggressiveness with which the Keshiks still fought, true to the finest warrior code even wearied by the war, and knowing their days as Keshiks were numbered, they gave every effort to make sure that the Keshiks were remembered along with the best. Watching the battle, Genghis approved. Some of them would stay as Keshiks - upgrading weaponry and armour cost dear. But most would be Knights before too long. In fact, a few regiments of Knights already fought alongside the Keshiks, showing their class.
The loose melee ended in a chase as the Indians inevitably broke, and were ridden down by the Keshiks without mercy. The city of Pataliputra was conquered.

 

[Pacifist46]

Later that day, the council met briefly.

GENGHIS: Right. Time to bring an end to this war. I’m going to leave for Calcutta as quickly as possible, so unless you guys have anything to say …?
GRIZNAKH: Merely the congratulations well earned by your lordship for a war well fought and deservedly won.
GENGHIS: Cheers. Right then, I’m off.

Genghis climbed aboard his imperial yacht and left for Calcutta. He arrived early the next day, and was quickly granted an audience with Asoka.

ASOKA: Truly I underestimated the Mongol power, Genghis. It was a shame that war had to come between our nations; even more shameful that I had to suffer defeat.
GENGHIS: Yeah, well this never would have started if it wasn’t for you lot nicking our cows and slaughtering our men. In short: you deserved it. Now surrender your kingdom.
ASOKA: I will swear fealty to you, Lord Genghis. And India will become a vassal of your kingdom - what little there is left of India, anyway.
GENGHIS: Now that’s more like it. I want all your spare cash as well.

 

[Pacifist46]

Genghis travels back to Karakorum to consult

GENGHIS: Well that was a nice little war. On to the next one!
GRIZNAKH: Sire, really, I mean …
GENGHIS: For goodness sake, man, quit your pointless interruptions. Ishak, roll out the maps!
ISHAK: Like, alright then, sire!

 

[Pacifist46]

GENGHIS: Colourful! Ok, what are the colours? I can see this brown one’s us, cos look, there’s Karakorum. What about this annoying blue one, which is blocking us in? That’ll have to go next.
ISHAK: Like, that’s Cyrus ennit? Him and his Persians and crap.
GENGHIS: Well he’s our next target: we’ll hit him in the north and in the south at the same time I reckon.
KOLAI: I agree sire. Anticipating your plan, I have already started to build up an army in Ning-hsia. Meanwhile, we should send our other armies down to Delhi to recuperate. But we should be ready to march on Persia very soon.
IALBUK: Oh great. Well now all we need I suppose is a spurious pretext upon which to declare war.
GENGHIS: Eh? Who says we do?

To be continued ...

 

[Pacifist46]

I'll do another part for next Sunday, the 18th.

 

[danjuno]

Great stuff. Have all the religons been founded? And if so, have all them been founded in the old world, or not?

 

[Nerowannabe]

I love reading your updates! Can't wait for the next one.

 

[king lundmark]

that was great as always. i am looking forward to your war with cyrus.

 

[eduhum]

Your stories are great. Very great. And I say it seriously.
But there is a little problem -I mean, not for us, but maybe to you- that is that your Egyptian and Aztec Versions you had already finished by page 10 or something. And in this story it's page 9 and you are only in the Middle Ages.
Well, if you want to do so, great because it's a great story, but I'm afraid that with so much updates you give up the story, wich has already passed one time.

 

[Pacifist46]

Thanks for commenting guys.
danjuno - Can't remember whether Islam has been founded at this point or not but what I can say is that all the religions are founded in the Old World. Monty doesn't get any.
eduhum - It's a point that has been in my mind plenty a time as well. At this rate, Civ V will be out before this story finishes. Hopefully I will be able to speed it up, maybe by not doing so many battle reports as previously, but I don't want to make the story feel odd by suddenly speeding up events.

 

[danjuno]

Toaism before Islam? (See last pic) WOW!

 

[Pacifist46]

Hmm. I'm going to have to delay AGAIN. I'm afraid the update won't be ready until Wednesday, three days from now, but there was more than I though to write about in the next few turns and there was a definite turnset that I wanted to cover in just one segment, so anyway ... Sorry again.

 

[Pacifist46]

Ok, the update is almost ready, just ... not quite. And since I'm not around tomorrow, the update is going to have to be put back again to Friday. Sorry.