Are you a Nice Guy who can't seem to get a date because you're too nice?

[Patroklos]

Since I'm female and you're not, I should think I'm better able to answer questions about how females think than you are.

It's honestly pathetic, how some guys can't figure out some of these things and reject the answers being handed to them practically on a silver platter, just because they figure, "Nah, women don't know anything."

I've been wondering which of your comments would finally push me to adjust a certain list in "My Account"...

Who said "women know nothing?" Got a quote to substatiate your persecution? Yeah I thought not...

The pathetic thing is some women chalking up any criticism of what they say to some mass misogynist plot to silence their womanhood. Something that has absolutely not manifested itself in this thread.

And that's not nearly as pathetic as taking on the mantle of all womenhood as you do so often.

 

[hobbsyoyo]

Maybe tone down the rhetoric a smidge patraklos.

 

[TomYo689]

I never said anything about trust or girls color shows, and did not bring up marriage.

I'll rephrase the enlightenment in my previous post. An inquiry about their interest in you might not yield "I want to do you" from all of your male friends (probably most) but they like you because you're a girl. Guys generally just treat girls differently.

 

[civver_764]

I dunno about this. I mean, just the possibility of having a girlfriend recently has made me content beyond measure. Actually being together with her would be, I don't want to say bliss, but awesome

Yeah I know exactly what you mean I've had those exact same thoughts, but it was never even close to as perfect as I imagined it to be. And the more attached to the 'bliss' you get the more you risk being emotionally destroyed if it should end.

Good luck though! Not trying to discourage you or anything

 

[Farm Boy]

Bedazzled(the movie) is once again relevant.

 

[Joecoolyo]

Yeah I know exactly what you mean I've had those exact same thoughts, but it was never even close to as perfect as I imagined it to be. And the more attached to the 'bliss' you get the more you risk being emotionally destroyed if it should end.

Good luck though! Not trying to discourage you or anything

I can see what you mean, but for now, I don't really want to think that way. I'm not looking for perfection, just, I don't know, her.

Haha and thanks for the luck

 

[Valka D'Ur]

Maybe tone down the rhetoric a smidge patraklos.

Oh, dear... did he actually reply to me and expect me to read it, even though he's on a Certain List which means I no longer have to read his words?

I never said anything about trust or girls color shows, and did not bring up marriage.

I know you didn't. I did. I also addressed the trust remark to everybody in this thread, because it's a part of the equation that nobody else brought up. And it's a very important part of the whole dating/relationship/marriage part of life.

I'll rephrase the enlightenment in my previous post. An inquiry about their interest in you might not yield "I want to do you" from all of your male friends (probably most) but they like you because you're a girl. Guys generally just treat girls differently.

That makes it a bit clearer, but there are only two instances in which I ever seriously wanted to know. The results turned out that I concluded I really didn't want to marry the one who asked (he figured he could convert my atheist self into a born-again and was quite put out when that didn't happen), and in the other case, we discovered that our mutual friends were trying their damndest to play matchmaker (and my mother was being rather pushy) so we had an honest discussion about it. We concluded that we'd rather stay friends, for the reasons I mentioned in one of my previous posts in this thread.

The first guy was nice - I thought - up until he started trying to manipulate, belittle my beliefs, and change me. The second? Under a different set of circumstances, things could have worked out. Maybe in a different universe they did. But in the here and now, that's not what happened. The fact is, however, we've been friends since high school. That's over 30 years. I trust him as much now as I ever did.

Neither of my mother's marriages lasted 30 years. She hates my dad, and her second husband cheated on her with a woman 20 years younger. I'm glad I don't have that emotional baggage to carry around.

 

[Phrossack]

Maybe tone down the rhetoric a smidge patraklos.

On the bright side, he probably has never suffered from the problem in the title.

 

[Crezth]

On the bright side, he probably has never suffered from the problem in the title.

Which, being nice or not getting dates?

 

[Borachio]

I can see what you mean, but for now, I don't really want to think that way. I'm not looking for perfection, just, I don't know, her.

Haha and thanks for the luck

This is called "romance", eh? The delicious frisson of "will she, won't she"?

 

[classical_hero]

I try to follow the advice of the greatest dating guru, Hitch, "When it comes to dating, there are no rules."

 

[Chiteng]

Some of the problem is understanding what 'Nice Guy' means to a woman.

My mother taught us all that 'if' we were nice to women, they would be nice to us.
I am sure she knew that was an obvious falsehood but she didnt tell us that.

If women see you putting them on pedestals and giving them attention and gifts, what message are they actually getting. It is NOT what you think it is.

Modern adult women in the USA interpret that behavior as an attempt to control them.
Which they resent. What the women dont realize is that MEN dont do that consciously.
They do it because that is the baseline that they have been taught women want.

So the message the woman receives is not at all what your trying to send.

A 'nice guy' to a woman, is simply a man that wont cause them problems.
Is that what you want to be? Think before you answer.

Because...nice guys are kept in reserve for when more risky men dont work out.
That is not an enviable pigeonhole.

However, you cannot anticipate what any given woman wants. It is useless to try.
The best you can do, is serve your own needs, and not be destructive to hers.
LISTEN to her when she talks. She will tell you what she expects, and what she wants. It isnt given like a syllabus. You need to refine your listening skills.
Women tell you what to expect because they dont like being called liars.
But they also dont make it easy on us. They camouflage what they mean behind
chaff. Sadly it takes experience to understand them. That cant be taught.
You must put your head on the block, and listen.

 

[Chiteng]

Well, I'm sure I apologize. It would seem to indicate some convergence of opinion between you and some unnamed blogger, or whatever. Which is always possible. There are only so many varieties of opinion to had by the human brain, after all. I would guess.

Doesn't make your opinions any more valid though, does it?

No apology is needed Bora. I like you actually.

 

[Chiteng]

Since I'm female and you're not, I should think I'm better able to answer questions about how females think than you are.

It's honestly pathetic, how some guys can't figure out some of these things and reject the answers being handed to them practically on a silver platter, just because they figure, "Nah, women don't know anything."

I've been wondering which of your comments would finally push me to adjust a certain list in "My Account"...





This is all true. Women have a moral duty to behave honorably toward their husbands/Significant Others, just as men do. As for telling the husband... I guarantee that he will also blame her. What he does about it may be a divorce, it may be marriage counseling, or it may end up with her in the hospital because he got violent (or the other way around; some women do get that angry). There's no consistent "rule" for this. Some people would want to know if their spouse was unfaithful.

At least that's how it was when my mother found out that her in-laws had known that her husband was cheating on her, and never had the decency to tell her.

I have tried that. The result was the loss of both friends. The male didnt want to hear it from me. The woman felt I was nosing in. They are now divorced.
The man was a saint. He took that for SIX years. I would have hung her out to dry the first incident.

 

[Borachio]

No apology is needed Bora. I like you actually.

OK. Likewise, I'm sure.

I don't take what I read here personally myself. And sometimes I forget that not everyone (but not you apparently - which is good) doesn't either.

(That last one's a very complicated sentence! I think it makes sense.)

 

[Chiteng]

Nope, I have not. Perhaps I pick smarter friends than you?

Well at my age. I have many friends known since high school.
There is no way to anticipate who they marry or what they do.
Should we then terminate all friendships under the guise of possibility?

Some men are simply unlucky, other men misuse their wives, and deserve payback.
Lucky for me, so far, I dont know any such men, that I call a friend.

 

[Borachio]

Nope, I have not. Perhaps I pick smarter friends than you?

Well, it's happened to me!!! And I couldn't have picked a smarter friend.

There's just no figuring this stuff out. I was absolutely astounded.

 

[Chiteng]

So how can one have any meaningful insight on why they want to get acquainted with a stranger they're attracted to if they don't know anything about them? Isn't that point of getting acquainted in the first place? Only after that would you go about answering that question, right?

Shared interests help. But...if a woman is talking to you. Then she wants to.
Simple but obvious. If they dont, then your communicating that you dont want to talk.
Evaluate yourself to figure out how that is happening.

As a rule even the most stuck up will talk when she is bored w nothing to do.

 

[Mise]

Maybe tone down the rhetoric a smidge patraklos.

Yeah I'll be honest, repeatedly calling someone pathetic isn't really something a nice guy would do.

 

[Gucumatz]

Well according to one Radio station, Stefan Kiessling can't get an international cap because he is a "nice guy" - Either way, he should be at the very least on the squad if not a starter.

http://www.dw.de/leverkusens-kiessling-is-making-his-case-for-germany/a-16539896