Ask a Scotsman

Do you like heroin and headbutting?
 
How many people of African descent are there in Scotland?
 
Everyone is of African descent...
 
But not everyone has swarthy skin.
 
Do you speak with the stereotypical Gorbals accent?
 
Also, I herd you deep fry "Mars" bars. How sane is that?
 
Is it true you deep fry butter now? This is being flippant but I have heard it.
What are your views on the bucky culture?
How is gang violence coming on? Have the latest efforts in this direction been successful?
Do you think minimum pricing on alcohol is a good idea?
Do you own and wear a kilt on special occasions?
Is the Brave Heart culture still going on?
What are your hopes for an independent Scotland?
What are your hopes for England?
What do you think of the sectarian divide?
etc etc etc
 
What will happen to Balmoral (?) if Scotland achieves independence.


(may I visit your beautiful country again one day?)
 
Unless Scotland becomes a republic, the Queen is still the head of state and the Prince of Wales is still the Duke of Cornwall & Rothesay, Lord Great Steward etc. Given Salmond's farcical expectations for an independent Scotland to keep the British army, the BBC and the NHS, amongst others, I think border controls will be the least of your worries!
 
Is it true that the Shetlands are ethnically distinct from the rest of Scotland?
What is their status likely to be if Scotland achieves independence?
 
Do you like to go to your backyard and cook food on the grill? Bar-be-que? Steak? Chicken?
 
What is the longest burr you've let out in speech?
 
You can buy deep fried Mars Bars in England too. :)

More worryingly, a few weeks ago I caught one of my well-heeled, educated and well-brought-up public schoolboys eating one - they'd taken the Mars Bar down to the local chip shop and asked to have it deep-fried. I despair for our young people.
 
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