There a subtlety lost in the "hate" = "will attack you" link that caused much of the disconnection. If instead of angry Harald showing up to denounce you, you got a message that Harald is getting more likely to attack you because he sees you as weak, that might have made the agenda feel more normal. And it's possible that with advisors sending you messages, maybe we get a bit more of that in Civ 7. Also maybe not, as agenda penalties / bonuses seems to be related to relationships rather than actionable items. Ideally, a Civ could hate and fear you, take diplomatic actions against you, but avoid war.