Death

[hobbsyoyo]

I'd like to discuss your thoughts on death - both afterlife and practical considerations.

I don't believe in an afterlife, so I think there will be nothing for me after I'm gone. That doesn't bother me but the thought of dying (as in the actual process) scares the crap out of me.

I haven't made any practical considerations for my death either. I assume everything would automatically pass to my wife should I die but without a will in place, I don't know how absolute that is.

One day I want to take out a hefty life insurance policy to put towards freezing and maintaining my body after death. The way I see it, the worst that can happen is that I stay dead. I would make sure to provide for my family first before signing up for anything like that.

 

[Zardnaar]

Don't think about it helps.

Cancer got mum in June 2018. Went on a bit if a bender by my standards for a year or so.

 

[hobbsyoyo]

Don't think about it helps.

Easier said than done sometimes. I had intrusive, obsessive thoughts about it for a few months after a loved on passed. Then again for almost a full year as I dreaded a flight that was coming that December. I probably should have gone to therapy to get some strategies together for dealing with it more proactively than just suffering with it.

 

[Zardnaar]

Easier said than done sometimes. I had intrusive, obsessive thoughts about it for a few months after a loved on passed. Then again for almost a full year as I dreaded a flight that was coming that December. I probably should have gone to therapy to get some strategies together for dealing with it more proactively than just suffering with it.

I had nightmares for a bit. Woke up screaming one night, wife has been great about it.

Didn't figure therapy would help. Time heals I suppose at least that's the theory.

Still sucks but the worst of it's over.

 

[Josu]

The only afterlife I belive on, is my relatives and friends remembering me, but I don't care too much, as I belive that there will be nothing for me.
I am paying a life insurance so that if I pass away, my wife receives enough money to pay the mortgage

 

[AmazonQueen]

I don't believe in an afterlife.
I have a will made dividing the bulk of my estate (such as it is) between my children with a few small bequests to my brother and sister, and their children.
I have planned my funeral (no religious elements, reading of Do not go gentle into that good night by Dylan Thomas, Gloria and People Have the Power by Patti Smith for music).

 

[Kyriakos]

I'd like to discuss your thoughts on death - both afterlife and practical considerations.

I don't believe in an afterlife, so I think there will be nothing for me after I'm gone. That doesn't bother me but the thought of dying (as in the actual process) scares the crap out of me.

I haven't made any practical considerations for my death either. I assume everything would automatically pass to my wife should I die but without a will in place, I don't know how absolute that is.

One day I want to take out a hefty life insurance policy to put towards freezing and maintaining my body after death. The way I see it, the worst that can happen is that I stay dead. I would make sure to provide for my family first before signing up for anything like that.

Watch out for HAL...

One good thing about death is that at least everyone will know what it feels like to die. We don't have a sense of non-existence (sleeping isn't non-existence).

 

[PPQ_Purple]

The way I see it death is at the same time the most utterly horrible thing that can happen to you and something completely normal that you shouldn't think let alone care about. It's the same as how life has no meaning and we all are only alive because dying takes more effort than it's worth but that fact does not depress me in the slightest.

 

[Kyriakos]

A nice quote (paraphrasing) by F. Kafka:
"Anything that is alive, serves a purpose, and when that purpose fades it begins to die". It is telling that most people do die (when from natural causes) in a significantly diminished state than their "normal" one, during the years they were more active.

I also like a quote from the infamous game, Harvester. A person has just died, and actually only their spinal cord was found. The town sheriff claims that it is pretty clear the death was by "natural causes". A friend of the dead person reacts in disbelief at what he heard, and the sheriff tells him that "son, you cannot live without your spinal cord; nothing unnatural about that"

 

[Valka D'Ur]

I'd like to discuss your thoughts on death - both afterlife and practical considerations.

I don't believe in an afterlife, so I think there will be nothing for me after I'm gone. That doesn't bother me but the thought of dying (as in the actual process) scares the crap out of me.

I haven't made any practical considerations for my death either. I assume everything would automatically pass to my wife should I die but without a will in place, I don't know how absolute that is.

One day I want to take out a hefty life insurance policy to put towards freezing and maintaining my body after death. The way I see it, the worst that can happen is that I stay dead. I would make sure to provide for my family first before signing up for anything like that.

If you do get the freezing done and are picked up by the Enterprise in 350 years, tell Jean-Luc Picard that there is so money in the 24th century and that he's living in his own little myopic, self-righteously arrogant bubble.

And then save the ship from the Romulans.


Seriously... look into the legalities of wills and advance arrangements now, while you're of sound mind and thinking clearly. Do not let any death-related industry or company try to sway you with emotion or guilt you. There are many unethical death-related businesses out there and they prey on people at such times, counting on sentiment and grief to induce them to sign inflated and fraudulent contracts.

I learned this when my grandmother died; the funeral director clearly expected I'd sign anything he put in front of me, and he was annoyed when I told him that it was pointless to push the more expensive options when I'd told him the family couldn't afford the more modest ones. And then I found out that the modest options were a step up from the ones they never willingly tell anyone about if they can help it.

Find out what is legally mandated, what is optional, what you can do yourself (or your wife), and don't be swayed by "we'd be glad to do that for you..." because of course it's the sort of "favor" that will add hundreds at least to the bill.

When my dad died last year, for instance, I told the nursing home there would be no funeral. I said I wouldn't object if they wanted to remember my dad privately, but not to expect anything formal. There would also be no obituary (the funeral home really pushed that, giving me a template and saying to just fill it in and they'd be happy to put it up on their website or in the newspaper (which I don't subscribe to, so what would be the point?). They were not happy when I told them no, for three reasons: First of all, I was the only surviving relative and I don't need an obituary to remember my dad. Second of all, online obituaries are a profitable commodity nowadays, as unscrupulous people lift them, repost them on their own sites, and sell "memorial" candles, condolence books, etc. that suckerswell-wishers pay for... and the third reason is identity theft. Most obituaries contain lots of personal information that an identity thief can use. So no thank you, there would not be an obituary.

Saying no to all this doesn't mean I loved my dad any less. I loved him a lot and I'm proud of the things he accomplished. But I wasn't about to be suckered by a predatory industry that counts on people being emotional messes. So it's best to take care of this stuff while your head is clear and you're not pressed for time.

 

[Zardnaar]

If you do get the freezing done and are picked up by the Enterprise in 350 years, tell Jean-Luc Picard that there is so money in the 24th century and that he's living in his own little myopic, self-righteously arrogant bubble.

And then save the ship from the Romulans.


Seriously... look into the legalities of wills and advance arrangements now, while you're of sound mind and thinking clearly. Do not let any death-related industry or company try to sway you with emotion or guilt you. There are many unethical death-related businesses out there and they prey on people at such times, counting on sentiment and grief to induce them to sign inflated and fraudulent contracts.

I learned this when my grandmother died; the funeral director clearly expected I'd sign anything he put in front of me, and he was annoyed when I told him that it was pointless to push the more expensive options when I'd told him the family couldn't afford the more modest ones. And then I found out that the modest options were a step up from the ones they never willingly tell anyone about if they can help it.

Find out what is legally mandated, what is optional, what you can do yourself (or your wife), and don't be swayed by "we'd be glad to do that for you..." because of course it's the sort of "favor" that will add hundreds at least to the bill.

When my dad died last year, for instance, I told the nursing home there would be no funeral. I said I wouldn't object if they wanted to remember my dad privately, but not to expect anything formal. There would also be no obituary (the funeral home really pushed that, giving me a template and saying to just fill it in and they'd be happy to put it up on their website or in the newspaper (which I don't subscribe to, so what would be the point?). They were not happy when I told them no, for three reasons: First of all, I was the only surviving relative and I don't need an obituary to remember my dad. Second of all, online obituaries are a profitable commodity nowadays, as unscrupulous people lift them, repost them on their own sites, and sell "memorial" candles, condolence books, etc. that suckerswell-wishers pay for... and the third reason is identity theft. Most obituaries contain lots of personal information that an identity thief can use. So no thank you, there would not be an obituary.

Saying no to all this doesn't mean I loved my dad any less. I loved him a lot and I'm proud of the things he accomplished. But I wasn't about to be suckered by a predatory industry that counts on people being emotional messes. So it's best to take care of this stuff while your head is clear and you're not pressed for time.

My mother asked to be buried in a cardboard box.

We couldn't actually do that not an option so we used a natural wood casket that was very plain.

Think the funeral cost around 10k.

 

[Gorbles]

I'm putting off the thought of a will even though it's getting to be a reasonable thing to think about (not because I'm old, but because I have a son, which means practically speaking a will is a good thing to have). My work has an insurance policy r.e. my death that should take care of any immediate concerns for my family, my main concern would be how my wife handles . . . well, everything. Not divulging everything because while I'm a pretty happy sharer online, I respect my wife's wishes to not have an online footprint, but she doesn't speak to her family anymore (for many good reasons) and I'd worry that they'd either take advantage of such a scenario or she wouldn't know what to do except to approach them.

In terms of what I believe, well. That's a bit complicated. I'm a committed atheist, but this has been somewhat reconciled over the years with the belief in some kind of "other", or at least, existence beyond what we as humans perceive in the Universe. I believe in the concept of an afterlife, though I'm not sure what. It's probably a romanticist's approach - I believe there has to be something after death because all of us, all of humanity, have that unique spark that makes each of us the person we are. I could be just as easily wrong, and we're all just a weird unique combination of electrical signals that account for our behaviours But I'd like to be right.

I've suffered some losses over the years, and these haven't really changed my outlook. I don't need to believe in an afterlife, for the good of those I've lost, particularly, but also my belief that one exists hasn't really been shaken, either. I guess I'll find out in my own time.

 

[Manfred Belheim]

I don't believe in any afterlife and I haven't made any practical plans for dealing with my own death. I'm not convinced that won't be of my own choosing at some point though. I'm enjoying life at the moment, but already I think all the best parts of it are well in the past and I can foresee some bleak years ahead that might become too much un-fun to want to carry on with.

 

[MaryKB]

My personal belief is that there is only one true consciousness (God), and that this being is self aware, and also is all matter and energy. Not part of the universe, but its entirety.

I believe we are all parts of this one consciousness, split off temporarily and unaware, so we can experience this universe (really ourself) and bring our experiences back. I believe when you die you rejoin the whole, and you also will experience the lifetime of every other person who ever lived.

And that's why I feel it's really in everyone's self interest to treat each other with as much love as possible.

 

[AdamCrock]

I think pretty much the same way as Mary , the last sentence in particular I agree with entirely :

And that's why I feel it's really in everyone's self interest to treat each other with as much love as possible.

I say You're wise beyond years Mary

I also think that it is not entirely unpossible that we live in a simulation and death is an "end program" command and our code is send back to the mainframe for reevaluation. Maybe the future us created a sim to see how we behaved when we were primitive, maybe future us are immortal and so bored they "play" in such sims to experience endless possibilities but I don't know that for sure.

 

[Narz]

I'd love to believe in an afterlife but I don't. Only chance there's one is that maybe this is a simulation and when I "wake up" I'm someone else.

As for preparations I have almost no assets so not much to give.

Hopefully I got at least another 40 years, being alive is a pain in the ass but afaik it's the only game in town.

 

[MaryKB]

As a corollary, how long do you think you're likely to live?

I'm hoping for a long life. My family doesn't have any history of heart disease or cancer, and while the men seem to die mid-seventies, the women tend to live long and healthy.

My great grandmother was very active at 93 when she got hit by a car, and I believe she would've kept going on for quite a while if she hadn't been in that accident (she died at 96) My grandmother turned 85 last year, but she's going on 50. I have so many great aunts who've outlived their husbands by decades.

I'm hoping I got those genes. People always tell me I look young, and I feel that if I wanted too I could pass myself off as 22. I think there's a really good chance I could live well past one hundred.

 

[Kyriakos]

Why limit it to humans? Cynic philosophers got their name by the belief that dogs were reincarnated people.

Iirc there was also the view that Pyrrhos was a reincarnation of Pythagoras.

 

[civvver]

I'd like to discuss your thoughts on death - both afterlife and practical considerations.

I don't believe in an afterlife, so I think there will be nothing for me after I'm gone. That doesn't bother me but the thought of dying (as in the actual process) scares the crap out of me.

I haven't made any practical considerations for my death either. I assume everything would automatically pass to my wife should I die but without a will in place, I don't know how absolute that is.

One day I want to take out a hefty life insurance policy to put towards freezing and maintaining my body after death. The way I see it, the worst that can happen is that I stay dead. I would make sure to provide for my family first before signing up for anything like that.

If you're planning on getting insurance don't put it off as the cost is mostly related to your age. You're what, in your 30s? A 20 year term policy is going to still be quite cheap, assuming your health is pretty good. I think there's a significant jump once you're in your 40s. If you want to be frozen though you need to save or invest separately. Cus most insurance policies are term due to affordability and run out before you die. They're for an unlikely death to support your family. People in their 70s+ can't get term life. And whole life policies always seemed to have worse returns than a simple index fund.

A will for your wife it just depends. If you have assets in your name she might have to go through probate court to claim them. My wife and I have both our names on our bank accounts, the deed to the house and my 401k lets me specify a beneficiary. So there shouldn't be anything she has to go through court to get access to. I've got about 150k in life insurance through work and another 500k I pay about 30 bucks a month for that I got when I was 27 I think so it'll expire at 47. Seems like a lot but 750k in cash, probably only lasts my family about 10-12 years without me maintaining our current lifestyle. I'm basically hoping to leave enough behind to get the kids through high school before my wife has to go back to work so we're about there. Meanwhile I only have 250k on her, basically enough to pay for full time childcare and maybe some college if something happens.

We should probably make a will for our children but I trust my in laws and they are well off so I'm not worried about the care they would receive in any event of our demise.

As far as death, there is an afterlife. We're energy and energy doesn't just die, it changes forms. I think god created us with a purpose, we don't really know what it is, despite being catholic, no one can tell you what's coming. But there is something. And also I believe christ died for all, not just christians. I think we'll all end up in heaven, whatever it is, unless you literally choose not to after your death. But I think even those who were sinners in life and rejected god will see god when they die and he'll welcome them with open arms. There's a passage in the bible Matthew 25, where Jesus tells a parable about his coming and he is separating the wicked from the good and says to the good you fed me and helped me when I was in need. The good reply lord when did we ever do anything for you? And Jesus says when you helped the least among you, you were helping me. So basically doing good, God will offer heaven to you, and everyone has done at least one good thing in their life I figure at some point. Even the worst of us started out as an innocent baby, full of good.

 

[Truthy]

I don't believe in an afterlife and don't worry about death itself much. I do worry about not living as long as I'd like to and I worry about the process of getting old and dying. I also worry about not getting as much out of life as I could.

Practical considerations - I have my brother on a few of my accounts that have much money/investments. So he should be able to get that if I died. Beyond that, I don't have any worldly possessions worth being in a will. Though, a handful of people would probably snag some personal items as mementos. My mom would be a wreck and would collect a lot of my stuff and hoard it, refusing to throw any of it out for years to come.

I've made some stuff people would probably keep using for a while after my death. So that's a bit of legacy.