Funniest Thing the Computer has Said?

[ComradeRed]

the fascist bastard egyptians, after demanding military tradition for free, said the following: "Uh, yeah. Well, normally I would declare war immediately, but my advisors appear to have lost the paperwork. You may not be so lucky next time!"

 

[Angmar]

The first game I won was with China on Chieften level. I had built a huge empire and was often going to war against my neighbours due to them building cities I didnt like. Who cares about what kind of agreement I had with them. Over the years I think I had gone to war with Japan 3 or 4 times. The last time we made peace I made him give me everything he had.

He replied,

"Dealing with you Mao is like dealing with the Devil"

I had to laugh considering the damage that I had one to the Japanese, the Indians and the utter absorption of the once massive Russian empire. I can see how someone might think of me that way .. I was just misunderstood!

However while the Japanese didnt seem to like me I did win a Cultural Victory. While I brought culture to the world on the backs of calvary and modern armour, I did bring culture to the world and made it a better place

 

[ComradeRed]

Here's another cool one I just got from the Egyptians.

"Tadeusz Kosciusko, the troops bumbling about near Giza are stealing chickens and annoying our women. Remove them, please."

I find it funny that a cannon did that too, perhaps a couple guys carrying a cannon.

 

[Beelzibub]

when i threatened the Aztecs for iron working,
the reply was:
"We have ways to deal with bullies. They involve- lets see-
snakes, ants, clamps, pointed sticks, wild dogs, boiling oil..... And then things get really unpleasent. Cre to reconsider?"

i did reconsider. rather than asking politely, i burned his capital city to the ground!!!

 

[ComradeRed]

here's a nice one that I got by first the babylonians offering me peace, if I give them gunpowder. My counter proposal was no gunpowder and they give me all their money and cities.

"Unacceptable, unacceptable, unacceptable! Oooo - you make me soooo mad!"

The moral of this story, it's worth your while to irritate your enemies.

Perhaps I shouldn't have even offered him peace. Perhaps just a single gold.

 

[PanaGo]

I don't have a funny phrase,but rather a funny concept. I was at a 30+ round bloody war against the Aztecs. I was really kikcing them and then ,trying to give them a chance for peace I used the "our troops are approachingyour cities,would yuou consider signing peace with us?"The Montezuma dude replied something like over my dead body! I ended my turn only to see him coming at me and saying "We would like to end the war now,sign this!" Another funny thing is that when my pople became tired with all the war crap, they were all saying in the city view screen "All we are saying,is give peace a chance!"...That's was kind of funny!

 

[ComradeRed]

actually, that's a threat, demanding they offer concessions. If you say that you overextended yourself they're more likely to give you a treaty.

 

[LKendter]

I accidently hit the button for revolution, when I was already in one.

"Sir, we are already in revolution. Have you taken your medication?"

 

[Morten Blaabjerg]

Playing as the indians, I asked france for a rights-of-passage agreement, decades after eliminating the russians from the face of the earth. Joan refused, and added "We know about Russia, Ghandi."

 

[Graeme the mad]

Personally i see only one possible winner for the funniest thing the computer has said to me - as the chinese when I was at war with them:

'My armies are about to fall on your cities like a ton of bricks on a suprised duck!

 

[Witchfinder]

One for those who are fans of "Kentucky Fried Movie" and "Enter the Dragon":

Chairman Mao saying "You have our gratitude"

 

[Sam_Catchem]

Last night, My Babylonian bowmen where heading straight to finish off those pesky Zulus. I opened a dialogue with him and demanded everything..he replied something like "Why don't you pick on somebody smaller." I wiped Zimbabwe and the Zulu Nation off the planet. Now, nobody is smaller, except the Persians, who I wiped out earlier.

 

[Håkon]

Bismarck, after the Five Hundred Years War between Greece and Germany, where half of Germany were razed:

"All right, I listen. But mind that you don't try any of your swinging Greek merchants' tricks on me!"

 

[PanaGo]

Originally posted by Graeme the mad
Personally i see only one possible winner for the funniest thing the computer has said to me - as the chinese when I was at war with them:

'My armies are about to fall on your cities like a ton of bricks on a suprised duck!

Haven't even seen that but it IS really funny! Sounds something Rowan Atckinson would say in a Blackadder episode, or something from a Monty Pythons' movie!

 

[LKendter]

She will - Persia has Iron again :flamedevi :flamedevi

 

[Magnus]

I once tried an OCC type game on warlord level and very early on I irritated the persians and they walked in, took my only city and it was over. The other civs all ganged around me laughing and one said to me "Go back to Chieftan" I was so humiliated

 

[das]

The most funniest is what Queen Elizabeth says usually:
"I, Elizabeth, Ruler of too much places to mention..." - rest isn't that funny, especially, when she demanded my second biggest city for peace...

 

[Snowballer]

ComradeRed, are we playing as Poland, or a guy standing on Australias highest Mountain?

I have yet to see some funny comments. Perhaps they'll arrive once I start taking down some of my surrounding neighbours

 

[das]

Foreign Advisor: "Egyptans have The Worker."
I was so scared
I thougt:"No! Everything but that! Not the Worker T-5 (best tank in history)!!!!!!!!!!!".
Then I understood that it was just a guy with digging tool...

 

[das]

And the funniest one I ever heard: Mao Tse Tung, after we gave him some of our tech achievements for 10 gold per turn: "May our friendship last as long as mighty castle, err... big rocks upon it!" I've used this, and so when we started a war against each other, I've burnt to the ground one middle-sized fortified city - well, "Big Rocks" have ruined the castle (and China, too).