How do you deal with cheating of a loved one?
- Thread starter Gelion
- Start date
I'm convinced I'll never meet a woman that I'll end up liking enough to care if she's cheating or not. Lately the women in my life have been disposable after a couple weeks. I used to be bothered by that idea, but right now I'm loving the lifestyle. I came to the realization long ago that I'll never find that "certain someone." I think my womanizing ways have finally caught up to me and karma is kicking me in the crotch.
So that's my answer.... Start treating women like objects and let them be the ones to hurt. It worked for me, now I'm much happier.
** just kidding **
** well, sort of **
So that's my answer.... Start treating women like objects and let them be the ones to hurt. It worked for me, now I'm much happier.
** just kidding **
** well, sort of **
Gelion
Retired Captain
How old are you and how long were your lasting relationships before you started this... "spree"?
Winner
Diverse in Unity
Co oko nevidí, to srdce nebolí.
You have to lie about your cheating and you shouldn't try to find out the truth about your partner. You'll live a happier life if you don't bother with things you can't change.
Kozmos
Jew Detective
While that is true, I'd rather know.
I'm 30. My last long term relationship was only about a year in duration. That was college though so it doesn't count. I think I have some sort of relationship phobia or something because after a few weeks all I can think about is how great it was to be single.
Winner
Diverse in Unity
Sure, people are too curious and jealous.
aneeshm
Deity
Consider for a moment the wider picture - given that she cheated, and given that the circumstances of the infidelity were such that she cannot be judged to be anything but loose and unpardonable, you have to ask yourself - was she worth possessing in the first place?
And once (if) you have judged that she was not worth keeping, your attachment to her is something you then have to work to cut, to destroy, to detach yourselves.
Gelion
Retired Captain
Thanks, these are good words. However...
If a girl cheats on you and everyone but you knows it.... won't that hurt? Shouldn't you start cheating on her if you have the need and want to be "even"?
aneeshm
Deity
False generalisation.
Gelion
Retired Captain
You know what a husband of a very smart, beautiful, but unfaithful woman said? "Why don't I divorce her? I dont want to wait in the line if I do"
Yes you can always dump the cheater, but only because you feel like your honour has been hurt.... it has a certain sense of weakness about it.
Lastly you don't posess a girl. Never. IMHO the best thing you can do.. is be together. Humans are supposedly free beings, so if a girl/guy wants to have fun... let them. Right?
Gelion
Retired Captain
I know how you feel. There's another issue here... marriage, kids. Sooner or later this will play in.
Okay.. those who can - do. Thats not an understatement.
aneeshm
Deity
Lastly you don't posess a girl. Never. IMHO the best thing you can do.. is be together. Humans are supposedly free beings, so if a girl/guy wants to have fun... let them. Right?
The use of the word "possessing" was a test. I wanted to see if people would be comfortable with someone explicitly saying what has been implicit all along - that any idea of faithfulness has inherent in it the idea of possession - the possession of the exclusivity of the means of the fulfilment of the other person's emotional and sexual needs.
Humans are free beings, and it is of their own free will that they have made a commitment to the mutual possession of this exclusivity. Having made that commitment, to go back on it is not freedom, but their weakness, their inability to adhere to a choice they have freely made.
aneeshm
Deity
I'd put in a further qualifier: those who can, and are not constrained by internal factors (morality is usually the biggest one), do.
Masquerouge
Deity
The important and crucial thing is that both partners in a relationship are honest and truthfull about their level of commitment and faithfulness.
If both agree that it's okay to screw around when there's an opportunity, then fine. If both agree that they'd rather not see anyone else, then fine.
Trouble arise when expectations are betrayed by dishonesty and lies. If you're not able to tell the truth on such a matter, your relationship is pretty much doomed.
As you said, cheaters are found amongst both boys and girls, which means it's not completely insane to assume that your partner share your views on (in)fidelity.
I think also that people lie because unrealistic expectations are set as soon as they enter a relationship. You HAVE TO be faithful, you HAVE TO behave in a certain way. Well I think you don't. It's all a matter of coming to a mutual agreement.
Finally, just because you're married to/in a serious relationship with someone else doesn't mean all of the other sex has suddenly turned butt-ugly and you shouldn't even look at one of them anymore. That's stupid. Beautiful women stay beautiful even after you're married, same goes for men. And if you think you're not able to just stop at looking, or if your spouse gets really annoyed simply because you looked at a nice-looking person (in a non-obsessive way of course ) then you might want to think long and hard about your relationship.
If both agree that it's okay to screw around when there's an opportunity, then fine. If both agree that they'd rather not see anyone else, then fine.
Trouble arise when expectations are betrayed by dishonesty and lies. If you're not able to tell the truth on such a matter, your relationship is pretty much doomed.
As you said, cheaters are found amongst both boys and girls, which means it's not completely insane to assume that your partner share your views on (in)fidelity.
I think also that people lie because unrealistic expectations are set as soon as they enter a relationship. You HAVE TO be faithful, you HAVE TO behave in a certain way. Well I think you don't. It's all a matter of coming to a mutual agreement.
Finally, just because you're married to/in a serious relationship with someone else doesn't mean all of the other sex has suddenly turned butt-ugly and you shouldn't even look at one of them anymore. That's stupid. Beautiful women stay beautiful even after you're married, same goes for men. And if you think you're not able to just stop at looking, or if your spouse gets really annoyed simply because you looked at a nice-looking person (in a non-obsessive way of course
) then you might want to think long and hard about your relationship.True enough and in several ways. One way is my poor mother is chomping at the bit for me to get her a damned grandkid and the other is that I meet more and more women who are single but have children.
I'm working the latter into my repetoire. Usually they're smart enough to keep me from meeting the child. That way I don't feel bad when it's time to leave.
Myself, I'm not interested in a wife. I wish I could find a woman who would have my baby and then leave forever. Women can find men to do this, but the other way around doesn't seem to exist.
Shadylookin
master debater
you break up and move on. Best advice ever given by me.
Gelion
Retired Captain
This is not something people often put into words is it? At this stage I just dont know how the ground rules for that are set.
Masquerouge
Deity
Exactly. And that's why it creates such problems. People assume. And most of the time, these assumptions are wrong.
Then set your own rules, and discuss them.
You kill them in a grotesque and film worthy manner.
Just kidding. The solution is to either stop caring about whether your partner cheats (In which case you don't have to deal with it) or you only choose a partner who you're sure won't cheat on you or you don't have any partner at all. I think one of the latter two are the best options, but you can take your pick.
