The Brandenburg-French Wallachia War: A Propaganda Video
A man, different from the one from the last Propaganda video, walks in. He is very, very tall, with high cheekbones & a pale, almost wraithlike appearance. He is wearing a midnight blue Fedora and a Trench Coat so black it seems to absorb light like a Black Hole. He has dark circles under his eyes and keeps his hands deep in his pockets.
“Hello; the more attentive among you may have noticed that I am not Alexandru Algernon. Alexandru Algernon is at the front lines, shooting Terrans from trees & then stabbing them in the Eyes; no, I am Dragos Dritan, Head of French Wallachia Intelligence.”
The man lights up a small cigarette & tries to put on a winning smile- failing miserably, by the way- as he turns to the camera.
“But that’s neither here nor there. No, what I’m here to tell you is that we’re going to War."
"You see, this War started when Brandenburg attempted to claim land quite literally right next door to Bavaria- and while Bavaria did fire the first shot, it was obvious the Brandenburgians were planning to invade. Besides, Terrans aren’t really people, so it’s okay to launch first strikes against them.”
The man lights up a second cigarette- while still smoking the first- and puffs on it.
“So, there you have it. Bavaria attacked Brandenburg, so we had to invade Brandenburg. Done, end of story; over.”
Dragos lights up two more cigarettes as the first one burns down to the filter.
“Or is it?
The man lifts his eyebrow.
“No, it’s not. For French Wallachian intelligence has recently acquired information that the Brandenburgians were planning to launch over seventy-two nukes at French Wallachia- don’t believe me? Well, the papers are right here.”
The man exposes a series of clearly fabricated intelligence reports to the camera, smiles, and then returns the files to his trench coat pockets.
“Luckily, a crack team was sent in & managed to disable the devices before the Terrans could have their devious ways with them. But for their noteworthy attempt at genocide, the State of Brandenburg must be wiped off the face of the planet, her people killed, & her fields burned & salted. Remember, Kids, it’s not a war crime if we do it.”
The man lights up three more cigarettes; he is now smoking six at once.
“Now our influence grows daily, and soon victory will be at hand. Really, the only downside is I’m likely to get blood on my suit.”