"It's not love, it's infatuation"

[Farm Boy]

It's not worth the pain.

Frequently right. Building the older form of love and losing him or her to simple time probably hurts worse. But still.

Best that can be hoped is steering clear of the hunters and parasites?

 

[Commodore]

What you so instead is divorce them as soon as they've changed beyond recognition. Then you just marry somebody else and repeat.

/never been married

That would be a great plan if the state didn't punish people financially for getting divorced.

 

[Narz]

Does it really bother you that much that other people go through presumably the same you did?

Of course, thats what love is. Trying to help people steer clear of the stupidity you had to suffer.

Our society's celebration of immature "love" is the cause of much preventable human anguish.

 

[JohannaK]

Nonsense. There is just as much anguish due to not feeling that way.

I should know. I felt both, and I can say that immature love anguish is better. Or maybe it was just me. But I dont remember suffering by far as much.

 

[Sommerswerd]

That would be a great plan if the state didn't punish people financially for getting divorced.

The State doesn't punish them, their spouse is the one who punishes them. The state is perfectly willing to grant you an uncontested divorce with no sharing or splitting of assets whatsoever if both partners agree.

And even if both partners don't agree, the state is generally perfectly willing to respect your well drafted pre-nuptial agreement as a framework for dividing your assets according to your prior expressed wishes. If they didn't make a pre-nup, well then they punished themselves. They can't blame the state.

If people don't want the State involved in their relationships then they should just leave the state out of it... as in don't go to the state to get legal "recognition" of your relationship in the first place.

Anyway I agree with JohannaK that being a 40-year old virgin seems much worse than going through youthful infatuations... "Better to have loved and lost" and all that...

 

[Farm Boy]

Virginity status precludes neither intense and reciprocal infatuations nor loving ones. Unless we love primarily with our dicks, I suppose. Some people might!

 

[Sommerswerd]

Virginity status precludes neither intense and reciprocal infatuations nor loving ones. Unless we love primarily with our dicks, I suppose. Some people might!

Fair enough. I was using "40-y/o virgin" as shorthand for "middle aged adults who have never experienced any iteration of a relationship that could be described as romantic, or loving in a non-platonic sense, or infatuation in sense that the infatuation was returned or reciprocated in some way, including and up to but less than sexual intercourse, as well as people who have also experienced sexual intercourse accompanied by feelings of romantic attachment or something similar."

I hope that's clearer

 

[Farm Boy]

It is, and I figured it's probably what you meant, but I get really tired of the whole 40 year of virgin/don't be a virgin/don't be a virgin vibe society seems to constantly radiate.

 

[BirraImperial]

I guess the main difference between love and infatuation is probably whether you really know the target of your affections or not. Infatuation is the idea of being in love, with someone based on your idea of that person, not necessarily who that person really is. Love is when you've known that person for a while; all their quirks, hopes and dreams, and you're still ok with it. Love comes over time. Maybe it's infatuation at first, I don't know.

 

[classical_hero]

Of course, thats what love is. Trying to help people steer clear of the stupidity you had to suffer.

Our society's celebration of immature "love" is the cause of much preventable human anguish.

Exactly. So many women fall into that trap thinking they have fallen in love and because they have gone on their emotions they have sent money and other things to their "lover" only to get scammed out of their money. People want to be attached to someone and at times people can take advantage of that desire.

 

[Cutlass]

How bout this Owen? Infatuation is a common and optional introductory stage of love, it's hotter and less stable.

I'm still infatuated with a girl I haven't seen since 1984. Seems pretty stable to me.

 

[Farm Boy]

Well, I guess it preserves well in a vacuum?

 

[Narz]

Exactly. So many women fall into that trap thinking they have fallen in love and because they have gone on their emotions they have sent money and other things to their "lover" only to get scammed out of their money. People want to be attached to someone and at times people can take advantage of that desire.

Usually its the man scammed out of his money.

Prenup FTW.

 

[Tahuti]

I'm still infatuated with a girl I haven't seen since 1984. Seems pretty stable to me.

Let me guess, Laura Branigan?

Although you probably you won't see her again I'm afraid.

 

[JohannaK]

Oh yes, Branigan. Self-control is in my playlist.