As told by a local bard, the story of Phineas defeating a 'lich.'
Phineas was in the midst of the rain and sleet. His feet dug into the muck, and his haggard steed trudged behind him. The monastery he was visiting was old now, and half reduced to ruins, but the Order refused to repair the damages, claiming that the half of the structure that had been torn down was hardly used anyway. As he crested the hill, he could see the lone spire, and noted a banner flying from the top. The Unlit Flame has no standard, and no banner should have been waving. Phineas left the road and tied his horse to a tree. He could make the rest of the trek on foot, and he would be as stealthy as possible. The rain that had turned to sleet had now turned to snow, and the flakes seemed to get larger as he approached the structure. The door was on one hinge, and one round window was shattered. The glass was on the ground outside, as if someone were trying to escape. Phineas drew his dirk and donned his shield. His candle was in his satchel, and it would remain unlit. The darkness was not an object, and the temptation to light the candle could be overcome. Phineas felt darkness and pain all over his body, and shrugged away the sensation. Some great evil was at work here. He resisted temptation again and approached the nucleus of the darkness. Sitting in the chair of the High Abbot, who is the individual who handles the agenda of the monastery and leads most prayer and spiritual activities, was a skeleton. The bones were white, and several teeth were missing in the skull. No flesh remained on these bleached bones, but some fine piece of cloth was draped across the shoulders and wrapped around the head. One toe glimmered with some gem. Phineas prepared himself, because he knew that the entity controlling the skeleton was the source of the torrent of darkness filling the monastery.
A not-unexpected voice came from all sides, but at the same time obviously came from the skeleton:
Greetings, Sir Phineas the Ignorant, Hahahaha!
Phineas responded with traces of fear and anger:
I demand to know your name and purpose in the home of holy men.
You dare demand anything from your new god? You are beholden to me, Phineas One-Eye.
I demand your name, and this is the last time. Your next outburst will end in your certain demise.
I am High Abbot Massimo Fieri, benevolent leader of the Monastery of
fallen stones.
That is not possible. You are dead. If the Abbot were dead he would be at rest, not making a mockery of life, or of a servant of his very order. Now I will burn your dry bones and cleanse this place of your presence.
You will stand still while I rip the flesh from your bones, Oh tiny and weak Phineas.
Phineas was indeed still. He could not shuffle his feet or blink his eyes. The beast had cast some affliction upon him.
You will do no such thing. You will go back to whatever cold hole from which you crawled!
bha..hahaha..hahahaHAHAHAHA! You, Phineas the Weak, are my pawn. You abandoned your faith. You nearly lit your precious candle, no? You have abandoned all true hope. You will be killed and rise as my servant, a mindless husk to violate the village down the road, to infect them and make this valley my new unholy creation.
Phineas was still trapped, and the monster knew it. He had considered lighting the candle, because this darkness was serving the monster. Phineas could only banish it without the light of the candle if he could know its name. Its name must be related to its form, but what is it? He could probe, but that would raise the ire of the abomination and he would be killed more quickly. The village was certainly doomed. This thing was not a mere skeleton, and not just a mindless zombie. It was greater than that. It was some kind of undead thing
something that could peer into mens souls and raise other unnatural creations. Phineas had read about this somewhere, but it was so long ago. What was it called? The skeleton rattled on the seat, and rose to its feet. Dust feel from the bones, and cracks could be seen developing. This thing was weak, whatever it was. It had scared away the soft monks of the monastery, and it needed some sustenance to grow in its unnatural way.
Return to your seat, lecherous thing! You have no power here in this holy place. You unnatural construct of bone, be gone from my sight!
The skeleton took a tentative step, testing the stability of the bones.
You just wait for me, Phineas the Dumb-witted. Your time is nigh.
The thing was searching for Phineass name, trying different names throughout the conversation. It was after his essence. It would truly gain an unholy soldier if it could know Phineass name in full. Only one such abomination could do this. This construct was all that remained of some mortal man, one who desired eternal life and unending power. This was a lich.
No, lich, The holding command issued by the lich slacked, and Phineas blinked his stinging eyes. my time is far down the road, and your time ends now. You cannot steal my name, for I will give it to you: I am Phineas the Blind, and I banish you, lich. Be gone, and take your rest like mortal men should, or I will light the candle in my satchel and extinguish us both.
But I cannot die. I am unending. I am more powerful than you can know, Phineas the Blind. Now kneel before me and commit yourself to my cause.
With rattling breath and leaden feet, Phineas trudged toward the lich. He overcame his final temptation, and in a moment of holy ecstasy, cleaved through the bones that constituted the lichs corporeal form. The bones turned to dust, and the room smelled better instantly. Phineas felt that this was a divine test and he had overcome temptation numerous times to defeat the dark thing. As if to prove it could exist without its corporeal form, the lich appeared as a smoky silhouette in front of Phineas one last time, taunting him:
You could have been my lieutenant in an army of unending darkness and you could have had true power, Phineas the Blind. I pity your lack of foresight and your blind allegiance to your Order.
The lich actually held on for a moment, but without the skeleton holding it to this world, it sank into the ground, and Sir Phineas saved the entire valley from the dark encroachment of a dire lich.