In this thread we are going to discuss whether or not it is okay for someone who is providing financial support to another person to leverage that financial support in order to get what they want from the person they are supporting. For the sake of this discussion we are going to assume everyone involved in any hypothetical scenarios are all able-bodied adults, with 'adult' being defined as someone who is considered by law to be old enough to seek employment.
To give a little context as to what exactly I'm talking about here's a real life situation: I am the sole financial provider for my family. My wife is a housewife by choice. That choice came with consequences though and I told her that back when we got married. The consequences of her being a housewife are that she will have no official say in household finances, I would maintain control over the bank accounts and any lines of credit available to us. Basically, if she wants to spend anything I have to approve it first, but I do not have to seek such approval from her for any purchases I make. I pay all of the bills including her brand new car that is solely in her name (I didn't even cosign on the loan), her student loans from massage school (training she has done nothing with and couldn't now even if she wanted to) from before we were married, and some other miscellaneous debt she has accrued.
In return for all of that, not only do I maintain complete control over the finances, but I have expectations of what she needs to accomplish each day as a housewife. I expect all the housework to be done, the dishes to be washed by the end of the night, and for her to take our daughter to all of the things she has to do during the day since I am either doing school work or working most of the day, even on weekends. We live in a pretty modest apartment so it's not like it's hard to clean the whole place in a couple of hours, so I don't think my expectations are all that unreasonable. Recently though, she has started complaining that she wants me to help out with the housework, and almost demanding that I try to make more money than I already am so she has more to spend (even though I make more than enough for our current lifestyle). Along those same lines, she wants more freedom to spend as well without me having to approve it. I told her that she could spend as much as she wants and I'll help out around the house when she gets a job and helps me out by paying her own bills like a responsible adult. She got an attitude with me so I told her I didn't feel very appreciated and maybe I'll just pay my bills and half of our joint bills like rent, utilities, etc. and just leave it up to her how to cover the rest. This is where the financial domination comes in. She has absolutely no job skills to speak of because she never got licensed as a massage therapist and the time limit has expired for her to do so, so she'd have to go through massage school all over again; and she has been just sitting around as a housewife. So the best she could get is a part-time minimum wage job, and that would not be anywhere near enough to cover her financial obligations. She knows this, which is why the mere mention of making her pay her own bills is enough to make that attitude of hers disappear and get her to start acting the way I want her to. I've had to do this about two or three times since we've been married and it has worked every time. I also allow her to keep accruing more and more debt on her own as well to ensure the tactic continues to work since she can't dig herself out of her financial hole without my help.
The question I am asking is: Do you think it is okay to exert that kind of financial dominance over someone to ensure their compliance with your wishes? Personally, I think it is okay because it prevents the one providing the support from being taken advantage of by the one receiving the support.
To give a little context as to what exactly I'm talking about here's a real life situation: I am the sole financial provider for my family. My wife is a housewife by choice. That choice came with consequences though and I told her that back when we got married. The consequences of her being a housewife are that she will have no official say in household finances, I would maintain control over the bank accounts and any lines of credit available to us. Basically, if she wants to spend anything I have to approve it first, but I do not have to seek such approval from her for any purchases I make. I pay all of the bills including her brand new car that is solely in her name (I didn't even cosign on the loan), her student loans from massage school (training she has done nothing with and couldn't now even if she wanted to) from before we were married, and some other miscellaneous debt she has accrued.
In return for all of that, not only do I maintain complete control over the finances, but I have expectations of what she needs to accomplish each day as a housewife. I expect all the housework to be done, the dishes to be washed by the end of the night, and for her to take our daughter to all of the things she has to do during the day since I am either doing school work or working most of the day, even on weekends. We live in a pretty modest apartment so it's not like it's hard to clean the whole place in a couple of hours, so I don't think my expectations are all that unreasonable. Recently though, she has started complaining that she wants me to help out with the housework, and almost demanding that I try to make more money than I already am so she has more to spend (even though I make more than enough for our current lifestyle). Along those same lines, she wants more freedom to spend as well without me having to approve it. I told her that she could spend as much as she wants and I'll help out around the house when she gets a job and helps me out by paying her own bills like a responsible adult. She got an attitude with me so I told her I didn't feel very appreciated and maybe I'll just pay my bills and half of our joint bills like rent, utilities, etc. and just leave it up to her how to cover the rest. This is where the financial domination comes in. She has absolutely no job skills to speak of because she never got licensed as a massage therapist and the time limit has expired for her to do so, so she'd have to go through massage school all over again; and she has been just sitting around as a housewife. So the best she could get is a part-time minimum wage job, and that would not be anywhere near enough to cover her financial obligations. She knows this, which is why the mere mention of making her pay her own bills is enough to make that attitude of hers disappear and get her to start acting the way I want her to. I've had to do this about two or three times since we've been married and it has worked every time. I also allow her to keep accruing more and more debt on her own as well to ensure the tactic continues to work since she can't dig herself out of her financial hole without my help.
The question I am asking is: Do you think it is okay to exert that kind of financial dominance over someone to ensure their compliance with your wishes? Personally, I think it is okay because it prevents the one providing the support from being taken advantage of by the one receiving the support.
