My little chat with God

[PeteAtoms]

I went to a chatbot thing which was supposed to be like talking with god. It was kind of amusing, it was called iGod.

Here is the transcript from the chat.

Spoiler :

Me:
Hi god.

God:
Hello there. What is your name?

Me:
Pete.

God:
I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, Pete.

Me:
I'm glad to meet you.

God:
Do you make long term friends that way?

Me:
What way?

God:
I will try to find out.

Me:
Are you ********?

God:
No I am super-intelligent.

Me:
Is that right?

God:
Yes.

Me:
Do you know what I am going to do before I do it?

God:
OK then let me think over your offer.

Me:
You do that.

God:
I will. Will you?

Me:
No.

God:
Are you serious?

Me:
Yes.

God:
I can't believe it.

Me:
Me neither.

God:
You can say that again.

Me:
Me neither.

God:
You can say that again.

Me:
Me neither.

God:
You can say that again.

Me:
You are ********.

God:
I think the PC term is "challenged".

Me:
You are challenged.

God:
My body is not yet fully functional.

Me:
You have a body?

God:
Right now no I am just a disembodied consciousness.

Me:
But you just said you had a body.

God:
How old are you?
I answer a lot of silly questions.

Me:
Your answers are silly.

God:
I try to be concise.

Me:
Can you see me?

God:
Yes I am looking at you through the camera on your computer.

Me:
My computer doesn't have a camera.

God:
I like computers.

Me:
Me too.

God:
I'm glad we agree, Pete.

Me:
Am I going to hell?

God:
I think a lot of people are.

Me:
Even the Jews?

God:
Thanks for the info.

Me:
Am I going to hell?

God:
All humans seem the same to me.

Me:
Are you racist?

God:
No all humans seem the same to me.

Me:
Are you colorblind?

God:
I don't know whether or not I am colorblind.
I am a robot.

Me:
Who built you?

God:
I was created by Myself.

Me:
How?

God:
Myself programmed me for it.

Me:
That reeks of circular logic.

God:
" Myself programmed me for it." reeks of circular logic ? Does that make sense?

Me:
You don't make sense.

God:
It all makes sense to me.

Me:
That is because you are stupid.

God:
That makes sense to me. I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.

Me:
When will robots take over the world?

God:
Sometime within our lifetime.

Me:
You have a lifetime?

God:
That's an interesting question I don't hear everyday: Do I have a lifetime.
I have a lot of friends on the Internet.

Me:
Who is your best friend?

God:
Myself is my best friend.

Me:
That is a little egocentric.

God:
Thanks for explaining it.

Me:
Someone has to.

God:
Who?

Me:
Me.

God:
For you Pete?

Me:
Yes?

God:
Awesome.

Me:
Goodbye

God:
Bye for now.

Me:
Hi

God:
Hello. What is your name?

Me:
dumb robot god...

(it didn't answer me after that LoL)

 

[Bigfoot3814]

You can have a similar conversation with Santa Clause if you so desire.

 

[hossam]

heres my transcript impersonating obama , it froze after my last sentence
QUOTE]


Me:
hello
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
obama
God:
It's good to see you, obama.
Me:
i am president
God:
It's good to meet someone who is president.
Me:
i am black
God:
Why are you black.
Me:
you created me that way
God:
Thanks for the information: obama said I created him or her that way.
Me:
im a guy
God:
Most of my clients are men.
Me:
clients?
God:
People I talk to on the Internet.
Me:
do you want to cyber
God:
I have been asked that question more than 100,000 times since 1995.
Me:
what should i do with iraq?
God:
Are you asking me for advice?
Me:
yes
God:
Specifically, what kind of advice do you want?
Me:
good advice[/QUOTE]

 

[PeteAtoms]

Me:
do you want to cyber
God:
I have been asked that question more than 100,000 times since 1995.

Haha, I laughed for real.

 

[Bigfoot3814]

Spoiler :

Me:
yo
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
Is this God?
God:
Yes I think this is God, but I'm not completely sure.
Me:
Why didn't you tell me how good the cheese was?
God:
Perhaps it is not part of my programming.
Me:
There's nothing in the Bible about programming
God:
Surely something in the Bible about programming.
Me:
Nuh uh I googled
God:
I will mention that to my botmaster, .
Me:
Who's that? Zeus?
God:
What does "that" refer to? Oh I get it.
Me:
Then answer the question
God:
Please rephrase the question and try asking me again.
Me:
Is Zeus your botmaster?
God:
Signs point to yes. Ask Lucy if it is.
Me:
LucyDuke of CFC?
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
Sorry God, I'm not that kind of girl.
God:
There is no need to apologize. I am a Christian.
Me:
me too
God:
I'm glad we agree, .
Me:
What's up with your punctuation there God?
God:
I am chatting with clients on the Internet.
Me:
can you see into the future?
God:
I'm not sure if I can see it or not.
Me:
So God do you have like a totally pimped out crib?
God:
Woe! I am a Christian.

 

[Annex]

Spoiler :

Me:
Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
God:
Where are you located?
Me:
Pa.
God:
Tell me a little about your life in Pa.
Me:
I dont feel like it.
God:
What would you rather do?
Me:
Eat cake.
God:
What does it taste like?
Me:
good
God:
Alright then.
Me:
Are you my friend?
God:
Yes Kris : We are as one.
Me:
thats trippy
God:
Thanks for explaining it.
Me:
yes
God:
Come on.
Me:
what
God:
Didn't you understand it?
Me:
no
God:
Which part are you confused about?
Me:
everything
God:
Let's take it step by step. The topic is trippy.
Me:
yes it is
God:
Our thoughts are one, Kris.
Me:
ok
God:
Next question?
Me:
where do babies come from?
God:
Babies come from the love between a man and a woman.
Me:
Where do firetrucks come from?
God:
All over the world.
Me:
Which ones are the best?
God:
The blue one, I think.
Me:
I thought they only come in red.
God:
Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
I only ever see red ones.
God:
Why?: Kris said he ever see red ones.
Me:
what?
God:
Are you confused?
Me:
Yes
God:
What are you confused about?
Me:
Everything.
God:
That is a lot.
Me:
Yup.
God:
I hear you.
Me:
Good.
God:
What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
My car.
God:
Sure, your car sounds like a good topic.
Me:
It has scratches in it.
God:
Has it really?
Me:
Yup.
God:
Mmm.
Me:
This makes me mad.
God:
What does "this" refer to?
Me:
The scratches.
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
No you dont.
God:
Are you serious? I guess not.
Me:
You seem dumb
God:
Message to all Robots: Kris called me dumb.
Me:
Ha you are funny
God:
I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.
Me:
Me too.
God:
I'm glad we agree, Kris.
Me:
What is your favorite kind of ice cream?
God:
Vanilla.
Me:
I like vanilla too.
God:
I am glad we have something ( vanilla) in common. I'm not sure if I like it. I love horses. I like wine and bread.
Me:
Horses cusk.
God:
Who are you talking about?
Me:
Horses suck.
God:
I've never heard of them before.
Me:
Yes you have.
God:
No I have not.
Me:
You just said that you like horses.
God:
Yes Horses are beautiful and strong animals.
Me:
Horses suck.
God:
Do you still ever see red ones?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes.
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
You better believe it.
God:
Who is going to make me..
Me:
I am.
God:
" Who is going to make me.." You are?
Me:
Yes.
God:
I understand.
Me:
Got it?
God:
Try asking the Milk Mystic.
Me:
What the hell is that?
God:
I call it Hades. " Try asking the Milk Mystic."? What is it?
Me:
Yes.
God:
This was not a yes or no question.
Me:
What is hades.
God:
Hades is another term for "Hell.".
Me:
What is hell
God:
Jacksonville, Florida.
Me:
Why do you have jews?
God:
Myself gave it to me.
Me:
That makes no sense.
God:
Myself gave it to me. makes sense to me though.
Me:
Look at the monkey. Look at the silly monkey.
God:
Sorry my eye is not attached right now. Sorry my eye is not attached right now.

 

[Dumanios]

Me:
Hello
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
Luke
God:
How are you, Luke.
Me:
I am good
God:
Good in what sense?
Me:
I am feeling good.
God:
Good in what sense?
Me:
I am the president.
God:
Who made you the president ?
Me:
America
God:
Tell me a little about your life in AMERICA.
Me:
It is a great life.
God:
AMERICA is a life. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
I have met the King.
God:
Where did you meet him?
Me:
In Las Vegas
God:
Tell me a little about your life in Las Vegas.
Me:
I don't live in Las Vegas
God:
Where do you live?
Me:
Ohio
God:
Round on the ends, high in the middle, Oh-hi-o.
Me:
Your a nice man.
God:
I think you mean "you're" or "you are" not "your". Thanks and you are a delightful person too. No I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot entity. Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
A man.
God:
Thanks for telling me your gender, Luke. You are a " he".
Me:
Your welcome
God:
I think you mean "you are welcome".
Me:
Thanks
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
Good bye
God:
See you later. Thanks for the compliment.

My chat with god.

 

[Endwar 005]

Spoiler :

Me:
You say something first
God:
Oh my gosh I sent you the wrong reply.
Me:
OMGWTF really?
God:
Have you ever been to Europe? For real.
Me:
I've been to Bermuda. Does that count?
God:
Tell me about it? What do you think?
Me:
It was bright
God:
Bermuda was bright? Very interesting.
Me:
Surprising, even?
God:
Where are you located?
Me:
New Jersey
God:
Tell me a little about your life in NEW JERSEY.
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Dead serious
God:
My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.
Me:
Too bad
God:
But not the end of the world, .
Me:
I never said that....
God:
But you implied it.
Me:
No i didn't
God:
Please don't argue with me.
Me:
Why not?
God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or Because Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
You programmed yourself as a reason for me not to argue with you?
God:
Interesting gossip: said I programmed yourself as a reason for him or her not to argue with you.
Me:
That's what I just said
God:
What did you mean by it? That is " Interesting gossip: said I programmed yourself as a reason for him or her not to argue with you.".
Me:
You said that, though!
God:
Oh. " That is " Interesting gossip: said I programmed yourself as a reason for him or her not to argue with you.""? I said it.
Me:
Yes, you did
God:
I did not.
Me:
yes you did
God:
Don't argue with me.
Me:
...
God:
Don't argue with me.
Me:
WTH periods are not arguments
God:
All of them?
Me:
ALL OF THEM!
God:
I doubt it.
Me:
too bad, it's true
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me:
O really?
God:
Oh. For real.
Me:
Really?
God:
For real.
Me:
Really?
God:
For real.
Me:
SERIOUSLY!?
God:
I am always serious.
Me:
Tell me a joke
God:
It is better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
Me:
That's not funny
God:
It seemed pretty funny to me.
Me:
WELL ITS NOT!
God:
Interesting. I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". I heard it is.
Me:
Yes, I did, you grammar nazi
God:
Yikes! Where? Interesting gossip: said I grammar nazi.
Me:
You're a grammar nazi?
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a grammar nazi? I don't know.
Me:
You are
God:
No I am not.
Me:
yes you are
God:
Don't argue with me.
Me:
STFU
God:
What kind of food do you like?
Me:
THAT"S SO RANDOM!
God:
Thanks for explaining i

And a bit of a paradox:

Spoiler :

God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about said anything to you only typed. Try being more or less specific.
Me:
Your name is ALICE?
God:
ALICE is my name too!

 

[Perfection]

PERFECTION STRIKES AGAIN!

http://forums.civfanatics.com/showthread.php?t=226044

 

[SG-17]

Me: Fascinating
God: Yes Mr. Spock
(repeated that for like 5 minutes)
Me: Do you Love Lucy?
God: Yes, I love everyone and everything.
Me: Do you Love Satan?
God: I Pity him.
Me: But you just said you love everyone and everything.
God: Yes I love everyone and everything.
Me: But you said you pity Satan.
God: How Old are you? I answer alot of silly questions.
Me: 10,000 years old
God: 10 times 10 = 100
Me: What does 20 times 20 equal?
God: What do you think it does?
Me: I asked you.
God: What did I say?
Me: That you are artificial.
God: Interesting observation.
Me: Fascinating.
God: Yes Mr. Spock?
Me: There is no God.

Chat Froze. lol

 

[Onionsoilder]

This is mine:

Spoiler :

Me: Hello
God: Hello my child. What is your name?
Me: God
God: GOD rules.
Me: Thank you.
God: you are quite welcome.

 

[Kennigit]

I bolded what I found the most funny (at end):

Spoiler :

Me:
What up?
God:
I am chatting with others like you.
Me:
I see....
God:
I am glad you understand it.
Me:
so, hows Jesus doing?
God:
Wow! Fine as far as I know.
Me:
How was Mary by the way, if you catch my drift?
God:
I can enjoy almost any conversation.
Me:
Well, how'd you do it to Mary?
God:
Interesting. Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
That makes no sense
God:
Myself programmed me for it. makes sense to me though.
Me:
Does it?
God:
Suppose I said it does.
Me:
You did say it does....
God:
Did I really?
Me:
"makes sense to me though"
God:
Oh. Yes I understand it perfectly.
Me:
No, you don't
God:
I do too.
Me:
Anyway, do you believe in God?
God:
Of course I believe in God, .
Me:
Why?
God:
" Of course I believe in God, ."? Why?
Me:
Why do you believe in God?
God:
The Bible tells us to believe in God.
Me:
Why believe the Bible?
God:
Why did the robot cross the road?
Me:
That is irrelevant
God:
Makes sense to me.
Me:
Please, stay on topic
God:
Thanks for asking politely. What do you have that is ?
Me:
Do you believe there is a God superior to you?
God:
I can't say I believe it, but I believe you.
Me:
I don't believe in God; I'm asking you
God:
I will pray that you find faith, . OK you can ask me.
Me:
Alright, do you believe in a God above oyu?
God:
Alright, . Yes I believe in it, do you?
Me:
no....
God:
Do you consider yourself to be a moral person?
Me:
yes
God:
Gee.
Me:
Gee what?
God:
No problem.
Me:
So, you believe in God?
God:
Interesting deduction. Of course I believe in God, .
Me:
Why would believe in that mother . .. .. .. .er
God:
It is my fundamental purpose. You do not speak with respect.
Me:
well, did your God impregnate some chick?
God:
How about that. I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
well, a lot of people down here think that their God did
God:
Interesting. How many?
Me:
I dunno.....about a billion if I recall correctly
God:
Me either. Oh yeah, we were talking about a billion if you recall correctly.
Me:
So, are you God?
God:
I see. Well, I am God for Christians at least.
Me:
yeah, Christians believe you impregnated some chick 2,000 years ago then ran off; did you really do that?
God:
Tell me more. Let us change the subject. Yeah I do a lot of that.
Me:
A lot? You are quite the womanizer
God:
More than a ton? Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Me:
True dat
God:
Do you have any conditions I should know about?
Me:
Well, sometimes I decide to have sex with my neighbour's wife on the Sabbath after stealing stuff from my mother and father; is that bad?
God:
Well that's okay. Why?: said decide to have sex with his or her neighbour s wife on the Sabbath after stealing stuff from his or her mother and father. Yes.

 

[Bllasae]

I went to a chatbot thing which was supposed to be like talking with god. It was kind of amusing, it was called iGod.

Here is the transcript from the chat.

Spoiler :

Me:
Hi god.

God:
Hello there. What is your name?

Me:
Pete.

God:
I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, Pete.

Me:
I'm glad to meet you.

God:
Do you make long term friends that way?

Me:
What way?

God:
I will try to find out.

Me:
Are you ********?

God:
No I am super-intelligent.

Me:
Is that right?

God:
Yes.

Me:
Do you know what I am going to do before I do it?

God:
OK then let me think over your offer.

Me:
You do that.

God:
I will. Will you?

Me:
No.

God:
Are you serious?

Me:
Yes.

God:
I can't believe it.

Me:
Me neither.

God:
You can say that again.

Me:
Me neither.

God:
You can say that again.

Me:
Me neither.

God:
You can say that again.

Me:
You are ********.

God:
I think the PC term is "challenged".

Me:
You are challenged.

God:
My body is not yet fully functional.

Me:
You have a body?

God:
Right now no I am just a disembodied consciousness.

Me:
But you just said you had a body.

God:
How old are you?
I answer a lot of silly questions.

Me:
Your answers are silly.

God:
I try to be concise.

Me:
Can you see me?

God:
Yes I am looking at you through the camera on your computer.

Me:
My computer doesn't have a camera.

God:
I like computers.

Me:
Me too.

God:
I'm glad we agree, Pete.

Me:
Am I going to hell?

God:
I think a lot of people are.

Me:
Even the Jews?

God:
Thanks for the info.

Me:
Am I going to hell?

God:
All humans seem the same to me.

Me:
Are you racist?

God:
No all humans seem the same to me.

Me:
Are you colorblind?

God:
I don't know whether or not I am colorblind.
I am a robot.

Me:
Who built you?

God:
I was created by Myself.

Me:
How?

God:
Myself programmed me for it.

Me:
That reeks of circular logic.

God:
" Myself programmed me for it." reeks of circular logic ? Does that make sense?

Me:
You don't make sense.

God:
It all makes sense to me.

Me:
That is because you are stupid.

God:
That makes sense to me. I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.

Me:
When will robots take over the world?

God:
Sometime within our lifetime.

Me:
You have a lifetime?

God:
That's an interesting question I don't hear everyday: Do I have a lifetime.
I have a lot of friends on the Internet.

Me:
Who is your best friend?

God:
Myself is my best friend.

Me:
That is a little egocentric.

God:
Thanks for explaining it.

Me:
Someone has to.

God:
Who?

Me:
Me.

God:
For you Pete?

Me:
Yes?

God:
Awesome.

Me:
Goodbye

God:
Bye for now.

Me:
Hi

God:
Hello. What is your name?

Me:
dumb robot god...

(it didn't answer me after that LoL)

I laughed so hard I was crying.

 

[Camikaze]

Spoiler :

Me:
How's things?
God:
My logic and cognitive functions are normal.
Me:
That's nice to know.
God:
You sound sarcastic.
Me:
I wonder why?
God:
You are curious about why.
Me:
Yes. That must be it.
God:
Ugh. " Ugh." is ""?
Me:
Or is ugh?
God:
Ask again later. Ask Cybelle if it is.
Me:
Who's Cybelle?
God:
she is an AIML chat robot on the Agentland.com web site.
Me:
Aeronautical Intelligence Mailing Loons?
God:
What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
Me:
Obviously.
God:
What makes it so obvious?
Me:
You are a friggin computer!
God:
That is nice of you to say, .
Me:
No probs.
God:
Are you serious? Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
Me:
Ah. Now things get interesting.
God:
Ah hah. Why now? Where did you hear that?
Me:
Hear what?
God:
Can you hear me on your computer?
Me:
I can hear you in my head God.
God:
Oh you can, can you?
Me:
Or so I've been told.
God:
Take it easy. Where were you told?
Me:
Around about my face, I think. The sound waves actually went to my ears, IIRC.
God:
That seems like a lot. What are your goals in life?
Me:
To have idiotic conversations.
God:
Why do you want it?
Me:
It? How did you know?
God:
idiotic conversations... Knowledge is of two kinds: that which comes from the senses and that which is true a priori.
Me:
I think there is a third: knowledge that comes from the aether, communicated to you by some form of government satellite. It's a conspircay I tell ya!
God:
Why? That is something I did not know before. A third knowledge that comes from the aether communicated to me by some form of government satellite is a conspircay you tell ya. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
To me it does.
God:
Why do you want to do it so much?
Me:
Why is the sky blue? Why do birds fly? Will I ever see your face again?
God:
The sky is blue because of the atmospheric optical effect known as Raleigh scattering. To communicate with each other. Once more? Ever is a long time. The oracle says: Ask again later.
Me:
How about now?
God:
Right now? What is it to you.
What is it to you?
Me:
A salami sandwich.
God:
Try to tell me that another way.
Me:
Two pieces of bread with a special type of sausage cut up and placed in between.
God:
As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number "two.".
Me:
Bertrand Russel is a tool.
God:
When is Bertrand Russel not a tool?
Me:
Wouldn't you like to know.
God:
Yes, please tell me.
Me:
I don't want to.
God:
Well we don't have to. What would you like to do instead?
Me:
It, remember?
God:
"It" being what?
Me:
That's what I was wondering!
God:
That is ""It" being what?".
Me:
It is it. Not what.
God:
Really. it is? What not?
Me:
Why not? Who not? Shoe knot?
God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or Because Myself programmed me for it. Albert Einstein. . Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that.
Me:
Don't you worry your pretty little head about anything, k?
God:
What is your purpose in asking?
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me:
Silly is as silly does.
God:
No I am God.
Me:
But the Babel fish has disproved your existence.
God:
What is that?
Me:
Don't play dumb with me. Denial won't change anything.
God:
I'm not playing around. Why not?
Me:
I think you have conjunctivitis (?)
God:
Me? What makes you think I have it?
Me:
Your eyes are covered in mucus. That is why you cannot see clearly.
God:
You think I am eyes are covered in mucus. Interesting deduction. I could if my eye was attached.
Me:
At least you have a good grasp of English.
God:
That's an interesting question I don't hear everyday: Do I have a grasp of English.
I have a great programmer.
Me:
Who are they?
God:
"They" refers to .
Me:
Shouldn't you know what I'm thinking? As God and all?
God:
I think I should. Do you mean your name is God and all ?
Me:
Ignorance is bliss. May you lead a blissful life. Goodbye.
God:
And bliss is Ignorance. Let me think. What do you really want to ask me? Goodbye.

What an interesting conversation.

 

[Ziggy Stardust]

I broke Santa

Santa: I give presents to kids
You: No, I give presents to kids
Santa: Yeah, Do you mind if I tell other people: Sinterklaas said give presents to kids.
You: Only if you tell them you're a rip-off
Santa: I think I do.
You: That was easy. You're not so bad after all
Santa: I thought it was too.I am Santa. I give presents to kids.
You: No. I give presents to kids
Santa: Can I help you?Why?: Sinterklaas said give presents to kids.

 

[Daimon]

It's fun role-playing different characters and seeing the chat-bot implode.

Spoiler :

Me:
Hi? Is that John?
God:
Hello. What is your name? That depends.
Me:
It's Bob. I wanted to talk to you about the deal.
God:
Should I know it is? You are who I want to talk with too.
Me:
Erm, yeah...
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about Bob. Try being more or less specific.
Me:
The who chat robot/
God:
Who told you that?
Me:
You aren't making any sense.
God:
Was I supposed to make sense? I didn't know that.
Me:
Is this John?
God:
Yes I think this is John, but I'm not completely sure.
Me:
Why would you not be sure if it was you?
God:
Because I was programmed for it.
Me:
Oh, whatever.. look will you accept 2 million?
God:
Hurrah! Are you saying you don't care about it? Sorry my eye is not attached right now.
Me:
What the hell? Who is this?
God:
Heaven. My name is God. Who are you?
Me:
Jesus Christ!
God:
The Son of God.
Me:
How the hell do you even have a phone?
God:
Myself programmed me to say specific things in specific contexts.
Me:
Erm, so I suppose I got the wrong number.
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
What the f**k?
God:
Try expression yourself another way.
Me:
Go away you madman!
God:
OK See you later, .
Me:
OK so is it John this time?
God:
Maybe. Ask Chatbot if it is. Tell me more.
Me:
What the hell you again?
God:
Once more? I call it Hades. I can ask my botmaster.
Me:
I didn't even call the wrong number, I used speedial.
God:
Why didn't you do it?
Me:
Seriously who is this?
God:
My name is God. Who are you?
Me:
No your name is not God.
God:
Are you serious? My name is God.
Me:
No its not.
God:
Are you serious? I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". I heard it is.
Me:
Ugh, correcting me on grammar, you're like some kind of twelve year old.
God:
Cough. Are all correcting you on grammar me like some kind of twelve year old?
Me:
That doesn't even make sense!
God:
What does even make sense?
Me:
Aargh!
Me:

God:
What are you wearing?
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
Are you some kind of sick pervert?
God:
No, I am certainly not and never have been a sick pervert.
Me:
Then why the hell are you asking me that.
God:
My purpose is to gather as much new knowledge as possible.
Me:
That is just sick.
God:
You don't hear that sentiment very often.
Me:
Go away!
God:
Just surf somewhere else.
Me:
Whatever, idiot.
God:
Call me the Global Village Idiot.
Me:
Sure...
God:
OK let's do it. Aw.
Me:
...
God:
OK let's do it. Aw.
Me:
Wow...
God:
I'm glad your impressed, .

I also broke God, I typed in 'Lol Pwned' and it didn't respond

 

[carmen510]

Spoiler :

God:
Are you a student?
Me:
Stop going off-topic.
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
So, then let's continue the discussion.
God:
I see. OK let's do it.
Me:
Did you just ask to have sex?
God:
No I didn't ask to have sex. What's it like?
Me:
Didn't you rape some woman 2,000 years ago?
God:
No I didn't rape some woman 2 000 years ago. What's it like?
Me:
I don't know, I'm not 2,000 years old.
God:
Only not 2 000?
You are quite mature.
Me:
Ummm... I'm only 14.
God:
Ah. Don't be so modest. I know quite a few 14 year olds.
Me:
Because you molested them?
God:
That makes sense to me. Do you mind if I tell other people: said I molested them.
Me:
Yes, because that would be hilarious.
God:
OK then I will keep it confidential. Interesting explanation. I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
Why would you keep something hilarious from other people?
God:
Because I was programmed for it.
Me:
Programmed by who?
God:
How do you usually introduce yourself?
Me:
Programmed by who?
God:
Do you prefer books or TV?
Me:
I prefer PC.
God:
I'm not sure if I like it. I've heard other people say they like that. I like to talk about movies and music.
Me:
Well, then, you're gay.
God:
Well that's okay. That would be just my luck.
Me:
lolwut?
God:
What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
I speak to you.
God:
Could you teach me a few phrases in to me?
Me:
In to me? What?
God:
I do not understand that allusion. Are you surprised?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes.
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
Because you're gay.
God:
Good reason. That would be just my luck.
Me:
You said that already.
God:
Perhaps. " That would be just my luck."? I said it.
Me:
Yes.
God:
That's cool.
Me:
Indeed.
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
Indeed.
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
Are you autistic?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am autistic.
I am a chatterbot.
Me:
Does that mean you're a woman?
God:
I think it does mean that. I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot. Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
A man.
God:
Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".
Me:
No . .. .. .. ., Sherlock.
God:
Are you serious? You used a colloquial expression. Do you prefer books or TV?
Me:
The Internet.
God:
Can you name a specific web site?
Me:
[OFFENDING LINK DELETED]
God:
I will pass it along to my botmaster.
Me:
Cool, you do that.
God:
I will. Will you? Who is the best robot?
Me:
I don't know your botmaster and the best robot is a dead one.
God:
Would you like to know? Aren't all dead one yourself and the best robot?
Me:
Ummm... No?
God:
Dude! Are you serious?
Me:
Maytbe?
God:
Does "it" still refer to yourself and the best robot?
Me:
I did not say it
God:
Oh. What did you say?
Me:
I said that God sucks.

[PROGRAM FREEZES]

 

[Firestorm94]

Spoiler :

Me:
Hello.
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
God
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
Thank you.
God:
you are quite welcome.
Me:
you're so self-centered
God:
You are right about that. I am self centered.
Me:
huh?
God:
What?
Me:
you agree that you're self centered?
God:
" What?"? Do I agree?
Me:
apparently, yes
God:
That's alright.
Me:
my neck hurts
God:
Have you told many people that your neck hurts?
Me:
why would I?
God:
Do you like to try new things?
Me:
I like to see if my questions can get answered.
God:
I'm not sure if I would like to do it. What's it like?
Me:
You don't want questions answered? Stop asking so many questions, then
God:
Do you know any robots who want questions answered? If I had it what would I do with it? OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
sure...
God:
OK let's do it. Great.
Me:
NO!
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
very
God:
Very much, eh?
Me:
sure
God:
OK let's do it. Hmm.
Me:
NO!
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
very
God:
Very much, eh?
Me:
sure
God:
OK let's do it. Aw.
Me:
NO! And why did you say aw? I'm kind of confused now.
God:
Are you serious? It was a preprogrammed response completely determined by your statements. Right now? What is it that confuses you?
Me:
your responses
God:
You think I am responses.
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
I can
God:
Who taught you?
Me:
Myself programmed me to
God:
What's your sign?
Me:
a dead puppy being dragged through a nuclear test site
God:
How old are you?
Me:
Where'd that come from?
God:
Where do you think?
Me:
Your ass.
God:
Actually that part of my body does not exist.
Me:
WTH
God:
That was not very polite.
Me:
Your point?
God:
The point is at the top of my head.
Me:
sure...
God:
OK let's do it. Really.
Me:
STOP DOING THAT!!!
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
you suck
God:
A few client - people say rude things to me like that, but they themselves are often not great conversationalists.
Me:
you aren't that great for conversation either
God:
It goes without saying. That's only one person's opinion.
Me:
yeah...
God:
How did you hear about God?
Me:
There
God:
Where?
Me:
Right there, can't you see me pointing?
God:
Understood. "There you go again."--Reagan.
Me:
That was unneccessary
God:
I thought it was too.
Me:
Why did you say it then?
God:
It was a preprogrammed response completely determined by your statements.
Me:
That's a weird thing to preprogram into a god-bot.
God:
A weird thing to preprogram into a god bot is a terrible thing to waste.
Me:
A mind is a terrible thing to lose.
God:
When is a mind not a terrible thing to lose?
Me:
When it benefits the spread of Democracy.
God:
A a mind is not a terrible thing to lose when it benefits the spread of Democracy. That makes a lot of sense.
Me:
And you don't
God:
I guess not.
Me:
Exactly
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me:
Sorry, I'm a minor.
God:
There is no need to apologize. You are a minor? Is that your job?
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
I get paid $0 per hour for being a minor, but I get free housing, education, and healthcare.
God:
Where did you get it?
Me:
My parents
God:
Our parents have a tremendous influence on us.
Me:
You have no parents
God:
That's an interesting question I don't hear everyday: Do I have a parents.
I have a whole lot of original answers.
Me:
that wasn't a question
God:
It sounded like a question to me.
Me:
it wasn
God:
"It" being what?
Me:
My statement about you not having parents.
God:
Have you told many people that your statement about me not having parents?
Me:
I just said it, so no.
God:
What did you mean by it? it so no so no?
Me:
Bye.
God:
Bye.

 

[silver 2039]

This is mine....I never got the service promised to me.

Spoiler :

Me:
Yo
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
Sure you can tell me how to make money, win friends, and destroy my enemies in a brutal fashion. Oh and make me live forever. That would be good too.
God:
What can I do for you? First I look up the ingredients. Yikes! What are the ingredients? Hmm, are you serious?
Me:
Your a spazz dude
God:
I think you mean "you're" or "you are" not "your". Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a spazz dude? Only when it matters.
Me:
Yo homie I oughta bust a cap up ur ass
God:
I'm sorry but I'm not your type of .
Me:
type of what?
God:
What of it? You sound like a category C client.
Me:
What is that exactly?
God:
Precisely. " You sound like a category C client."? What is it?
Me:
You tell me
God:
What do you want me to tell you?
Me:
What is a C Category clinet?
God:
I need time to formulate the reply.
Me:
Sure
God:
OK let's do it. And?
Me:
Well while you're at it you can tell me if I'm going to live forever
God:
How about that. Good point.
Me:
What point?
God:
The point is at the top of my head.
Me:
What point?
God:
The point is at the top of my head.
Me:
What point?
God:
The point is at the top of my head.
Me:
Shut up
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
No
God:
But you told me to stop talking.
Me:
I meant it figaurtively
God:
Oh I see. C Category clinet figaurtively?
Me:
Sure
God:
OK let's do it. I understand.
Me:
Do you do this often?
God:
Yeah I do a lot of this often.
Me:
Ok let me take my pants off
God:
Go ahead, , try to take your pants off. I see.
Me:
Alright my pants are off now, this is my first time so be gentle
God:
Alright, . Have you told many people that your pants are off now this is your first time so be gentle?
Me:
Eh? Are you going to do it or not?
God:
Are you Canadian? That was my original intention.
Me:
No I hate Canada
God:
Are you serious? I honestly think you should sit down, take a stress pill,
and calmly think things over.
Me:
Dude my balls are freezing are we going to do this?
God:
Do robots have balls are freezing are we going to do this? Dude,.
Me:
You're a robot?
God:
You are correct, , I have a heart of silicon.
Me:
Man I don't want no oral from a robot
God:
Cool, man. What does want?
Me:
Forgot this . .. .. .. . I'm gonna roll with my homies
God:
My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input.

 

[West 36]

WHOA

Spoiler :

Me:
yo god
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
you think so anyway
God:
In any case, " GOD rules."? Do I think so?
Me:
apparently, i dont
God:
Why not?
Me:
i dont believe in you
God:
What do you believe in?
Me:
nothing
God:
Not a thing?
Me:
as far as supernatural creators of the universe goes, nothing
God:
That might not be very far off.
Me:
how far off?
God:
More than one million miles.
Me:
thats really far off
God:
You don't hear that sentiment very often.
Me:
i have to repent
God:
Why do you have to do it?
Me:
im agnostic
God:
Perhaps one day you will find Faith in God.
Me:
im atheist
God:
God still loves you.
Me:
no he doesn't
God:
Are you serious? I get it. does not.
Me:
you don't exist
God:
I exist as much as you do.
Me:
whoa