NOTW XXXIX: Impending Retribution Game Thread

[Romanichine]

Chief Officer Romanic, reporting in.

‘See the world’ they said. ‘Unbeatable experience, pay for college, experience of a lifetime.’ Look where that has gotten me now! I knew I should have listened to my mother and never enlisted! Well. No way out of it now. I just hope I can be useful somehow...

Don't sit there feeling sorry for yourself, recruit. Report immediately to the kitchen if you want to be useful, there's a mountain of potatoes to peel for dinner.

 

[TheForestAuro]

‘See the world’ they said. ‘Unbeatable experience, pay for college, experience of a lifetime.’ Look where that has gotten me now! I knew I should have listened to my mother and never enlisted! Well. No way out of it now. I just hope I can be useful somehow...

"There, there, sailor! You'll be just fine. There's no way that goddamn guerrillas can take down the Impending Retribution! If you do your part and we do ours, you'll be on land in under a fortnight. You hear me?"

His hand shot out and pointed to all the petty officers in his wing. "You hear me, petty officers? Just because there's a fool grenadier throwing pineapples in our pump doesn't mean we're going to lay down and die. Get back to work and stay sharp!"

 

[Seon]

...excuse me?

In any case, as the ship's psychiatrist, I am afraid that I see rather... unnatural assemblige of categorical lunatics inside this ship...

If you are suffering from any kind of psychological problems, please do not hesitate to ask for my help.

 

[Takhisis]

Sir, Seaman Takhisis reporting for duty, sir!
Must say the food is terrible, sir!

Spoiler How come no one's posted this yet? :

Link to video.

 

[choxorn]

...excuse me?

In any case, as the ship's psychiatrist, I am afraid that I see rather... unnatural assemblige of categorical lunatics inside this ship...

If you are suffering from any kind of psychological problems, please do not hesitate to ask for my help.

I'm suffering from the delusion that everyone else is a lunatic. Or maybe everyone else is a lunatic, I'm not sure which.

Am I a lunatic?

 

[CCRunner]

@#$%^^#@!#$%&!!!!

With a howl of pain, everybody's favorite crewmate clanged onto the scene. Fresh out of college, Warrant Officer Ryan was perhaps, the least official officer to ever grace the navy. Determined to forever hold onto his wild days at the local university, Ryan had been sober a grand total of seventeen minutes aboard the CNV Impending Retribution, and those only out of respect for the fallen Commander Backwards Logic. How he managed to maintain his perpetual state of drunken stupor despite a (draconian) general ban on the consumption of all alcoholic beverages on board the ship was a mystery. He guarded this secret more closely than a guard at Fort Knox would guard a slightly less secretive secret.

What was not a mystery however, was why he was still serving in a command position aboard the battlecruiser. In addition to having several well connected Washington uncles, Ryan was fortunate to have studied law during his four years at school (studied being a relative term of course). And to everyone's great surprise, the ship did not in fact forbid drunkeness, only drinking. Well, at one point it was a surprise at least, now it was simply common knowledge due to the sheer amount of bragging following the failure of the movement to dishonorably discharge him. While everyone agreed this was a loophole, due to some unknown bureaucratic constraint called 'convenient suspension of disbelief', they couldn't actually change anything until the ship returned home.

Anyway, Ryan was unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end of a kick from a particularly mean-spirited support beam. After taking the appropriate action (cursing it out in languages made up on the spot) he subdued himself and addressed the crowed

"Attenshun sail........zzzzzzzzzz"

Warrant Officer One Ryan had passed out on the deck.

OOC: So I tried writing drunk speech and I realized it's sorta hard, especially since I have absolutely no experience in that area except for the few times I've driven people home So you can all expect drunken Ryan to sober up pretty quickly

 

[Sprig]

It seems that commander DE has a control on the situation. That is pleasing in this dark time. I wonder if he is one of those go-down-with-the-ship kind of guys... never-the-less someone has to take charge.

Orders please sir!

 

[choxorn]

Sir Warrant Oficer Sir, did you give Apprentice Hughes anything to drink, by any chance?

 

[Renata]

...excuse me?

In any case, as the ship's psychiatrist, I am afraid that I see rather... unnatural assemblige of categorical lunatics inside this ship...

If you are suffering from any kind of psychological problems, please do not hesitate to ask for my help.

(OOC: You, the psychiatrist? HahahahahahahahahahahahahahacanIhavesomeofwhateveryou'represcribing? Hee.)

 

[Askthepizzaguy]

YARRRR!!! WE WON'T BE NEEDIN' ANY PSYCH-EE-AT-RISTS ON THIS HERE SHIP!!!

Now, mateys, if you'll excuse me, I have a poop to swab. Yarrr.

 

[Seon]

(OOC: You, the psychiatrist? HahahahahahahahahahahahahahacanIhavesomeofwhateveryou'represcribing? Hee.)

Sure.

What do you need? PTSD drugs, Psychosis drugs, or the Experimental Drug PFT-3746?

 

[Askthepizzaguy]

Sure.

What do you need? PTSD drugs, Psychosis drugs, or the Experimental Drug PFT-3746?

Yarrr.... a wee bit from column A, a smattering from column B, and a hogshead of column C.

 

[Romanichine]

I didn't realize how bad the recruiting system was until just now. One of our recruit is an old bugger raving about sea monters, another wants to go back to mommy and a third one is acting like some 500 years old pirate.

In light of these facts, it's perfectly reasonable to believe that rogue agents would have infiltrated our warship.

 

[Diamondeye]

"Whoever's swabbing the floor has my permission to shower that drunken lawyer with one of the buckets. Should sober him up and hopefully awaken him. Hot or cold water, your choice."

"Petty Officer Sprig, good to see people keep popping up. For now, you should look to Daveshack for orders. I am still waiting for Methos to show up to discuss things through with him and settle upon a course of action. Perhaps you can run and find the other warrant officers, I haven't seen a lot of their faces yet."

 

[Renata]

Sure.

What do you need? PTSD drugs, Psychosis drugs, or the Experimental Drug PFT-3746?

Oh, I'm all about the experimental, ain't I.

Ya might wish to give Love over there a taste of the pyschosis drugs. Poor thing's under the impression there's a woman on this ship. We both know that ain't the case, right honey?

My word, ain't it a bit hot up here on deck. I might be forced to undo another button on my shirt. Now don't stare, boys. No women a' tall around here, no sir.

 

[Askthepizzaguy]

My word, ain't it a bit hot up here on deck. I might be forced to undo another button on my shirt. Now don't stare, boys. No women a' tall around here, no sir.

I think I just spilled ale all over my pantaloons. At least, I hope that's what happened. Yarrrr....

 

[PaulusIII]

Recruit Paul had been disappointed already once when he had first joined up with the Navy. Rather than all the excitement they spoke of in the recruitment, it had been tedious so far. Most of his jobs entailed the most menial, boring and mind-numbing tasks on the ship, as such he didn't know to be frightened or excited when the news of the murder and rogues and saboteurs broke loose. Finally, some real action!

What he clearly didn't expect was the pandemonium when everybody heard of the murder. You'd not expect that in the military - while clearly a murder was not standard procedure, you'd at least expect a little more organization, and not to mention no superiors passed out on deck from excessive drinking! Not sure what to do, he simply saluted...

"Recruit Paul, Reporting for duty... ... sir?"

 

[Kennigit]

The Petty Officer Kennigit reported for duty.

He began working on repairs of the ship, all the meanwhile using his old sailor language: "Frack those damned hooligans, the lot of them. All those recruits be the same, fracking drinking and complaining and wishing they had some girls. Why am I fracking doing repair work when no one else seems to care about the damage to this fracking ship?"

 

[Takhisis]

Good gods, am I the only man who's currently both sober and sane at the same time?

 

[Seon]

Good gods, am I the only man who's currently both sober and sane at the same time?

That worries me. Do you require some medication to help you with that mental problem that you call sanity?