Random Rants 91 - Semiprimal Rage

[GinandTonic]

I just had the most failed dog poo bag incident, in the dark and the wind. Loads of poo on one hand, some on the other and my phone falling into the horsehocky.

 

[EnglishEdward]

In my experience the full extent of such calamities may only become apparent in daylight.

 

[amadeus]

Welcome to Fartbutt Bank. To access your account information, please say or input your account number on your keypad.

Four two seven nine, six eight...

Thank you. Your current available balance is: [like, really low]. Would you like to hear that again?

No!

Are you calling to dispute a transaction?

No!

Are you calling about refinancing a home loan?

No!

For all other options, say "customer service."

Customer service!

I'll connect you with a representative who can help.

...
...
...did you know you can update your information with the Fartbutt Bank app?

Yes, but I can't because without updating my information, I can't make an account!

... We're sorry, all representatives are currently busy. Your current estimated wait time is between: SIX MONTHS AND NEVER.

 

[Takhisis]

Black CFC still looks like crap

I disagree with you, sir.

 

[Broken_Erika]

Black CFC still looks like crap

Pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffttttt!!!
Classic look FTW!

 

[amadeus]

Yeah but we don’t have the Civ2 theme anymore.

 

[choxorn]

Black CFC still looks like crap

 

[Kyriakos]

White CFC is dull too :/

 

[amadeus]

It should be law that any restaurant that doesn’t use ＄ on its menus has to accept the equal number of anything.

Le Fancy Jerque

Hamburger

Prairie-fed beef from the Seychelles islands,
served on caramelized brioche.
Choice of salmon pudding or buttered kiwi.

75
​

Okay, you’re getting seventy-five toothpicks!

 

[H4run]

don't forget your emo-icon when telling sarcastic joke, when people take it seriously, the awkwardness is just mind-blowing. not worth to risk.

 

[GenMarshall]

Black CFC still looks like crap

I thought the kids these days call it “Dark Mode”

 

[Zkribbler]

Prairie-fed beef from the Seychelles islands,​

​

How can this be a good thing? I vacationed once in Mauritius, near the Seychelles, and they didn't even have cattle. They did however have monkey on the menu, but I sure as heck wasn't about to eat it.
​

 

[Takhisis]

You've misspelled rasist.

 

[amadeus]

I ain’t eatin’ no monkey-burger.

My stomach hurts and I didn’t even eat a monkey. Blach!

 

[Valka D'Ur]

It should be law that any restaurant that doesn’t use ＄ on its menus has to accept the equal number of anything.

Le Fancy Jerque

Hamburger

Prairie-fed beef from the Seychelles islands,
served on caramelized brioche.
Choice of salmon pudding or buttered kiwi.

75
​

Okay, you’re getting seventy-five toothpicks!

I'm sure I could easily get 75 cat hairs just by petting Maddy once.

But... salmon pudding? Buttered Kiwi?

 

[amadeus]

I'm sure I could easily get 75 cat hairs just by petting Maddy once.

But... salmon pudding? Buttered Kiwi?

Madam, if you are not ‘appy with ze sides we may offer you an alternative of paella with crushed almonds and butterscotch or seared octopus on Keynan snap peas.

25​

 

[Valka D'Ur]

Madam, if you are not ‘appy with ze sides we may offer you an alternative of paella with crushed almonds and butterscotch or seared octopus on Keynan snap peas.

25​

No, thank you. Almonds are incompatible with my digestive system, and I prefer seafood that's either fish, crab, or lobster.

 

[Zkribbler]

I prefer seafood that's either fish, crab, or lobster.

Zkribbler hate seafood, which calls into question the wisdom of living on an island surrounded entirely by fish.

 

[GenMarshall]

I ain’t eatin’ no monkey-burger

Minus points that it’s not radioactive.

 

[Narz]

Someone stabbed a screwdriver into the ignition of both my scooters. Now the key won't go into one of them (the faster, highway legal one I use to goto school). The other ones appears fine but these things undermine ones trust in people. Why if they were to try and **** w the brakes next time. So messed up, I pick my daughter up on one of them.

Don't know whether it's some random person attempted theif or someone I know attempting to mess with me. Unfortunately I suspect the latter.

Fortunately there's a security camera that should've caught the whole thing. He claims he's gonna check out the footage today and get back to me.

My friend lent me her car to goto school over next two days.

Spoiler :