Random Rants LV: The Joy of Ranting

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Re: oblivious

Most people are oblivious to most of their surroundings, just to different degrees

There will be many that choose to remain oblivious or inconsiderate after being aware, but never underestimate the bounds of hunan stupidity (or more accurately, lack of knowledge or understanding)

Everyone is right and logical in their own minds, most of the time
 
You're not being immature by showing restraint. That's actually damned decent of you to show that restraint when you don't/shouldn't need to. As I said, personally I think the best solution is to interrupt them right in the middle of their irritating behavior and let them know to knock it the hell off, that it's not welcome, and they need to be more considerate of their surroundings. Nothing wrong with that at all.
 
So whenever you have a problem with someone, you should immediately complain rather than show a little patience, and if you don't, you're just a stupid little child? Jesus Christ, I don't understand you. Showing restraint is NOT immaturity.

Your responses only prove your immaturity. If you say nothing, people assume that everything is fine. If you haven't matured to the point where you can handle interacting with other humans, then you should probably look into finding accommodation where you live by yourself.
 
That seems reasonable, though I'm still baffled by how they could possibly not know that everyone can hear them. I mean, whenever anyone has a conversation in this suite, everyone else in their rooms can hear it.

I did a bit of a ninja edit on you so I'm going to repost this to make sure you get it:


Again, they probably have no idea that what they're doing is noisy enough to be heard by people in other rooms. That is exactly what happened to me and my girlfriend. In the heat of the moment you think you are being quiet but really everybody can hear you. We made a conscious and concerted effort to keep it down or play music over it so we wouldn't bother anybody. Nobody said anything about it so we assumed either nobody could hear us or nobody cared if they did. Obviously our efforts were in vain, but we didn't know that. We thought we were being good, considerate housemates.

There are two main reasons why "they could possibly not know that everybody can hear them". One is that it's really easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment. You're turned on. You are focusing on moving past the foreplay and onto the actual act. Then you're focused on the act. Everything else kind of just fades to the background. When you're having sex, generally you aren't thinking about how everything is audible in the house. Especially when you're in your own room that you have to yourself with the door closed. Having that door closed gives you piece of mind, you feel comfortable, closed off from the rest of the house. You can't hear anybody so you assume they can't hear you.

The other side of it, as I noted in the above passage, is that often they do "know they can be heard" at least in a general sense. My girlfriend and I were taking conscious steps to keep the noise down and we thought what we were doing was sufficient. If you talk to your roommates you may find the same thing is the case. You try to keep things quiet, or your girlfriend and you aren't much in the way of "screamers" and you assume there isn't much noise being made. You get caught up in the moment and don't notice the incredible amount of noise you're actually making.

I'd say that avoiding making much noise shows consideration for others, which indicates maturity, while constantly being noisy shows an immature lack of consideration. I haven't done a damned thing, no noise, no complaining, no pranks, no confrontation, nothing but silence, yet a lot of posters here see me as the problem. That touches a nerve.

Nobody is (or at least I'm not) pinning the blame on your for being bothered by sex noises. That is irritating, and from your perspective, it absolutely can be seen as inconsiderate. The thing they are blaming on you is that the recourse you opt for, at least in this thread, is to be passive aggressive. That's the main issue I had a problem with, as someone who has been on the receiving end of passive aggression. It wasn't nice. It hurt, and moreover it made me mad and frustrated. It totally ruined two perfectly warm friendships.

By the way when (or if) you talk to the offending parties I recommend you think about how all of us coming in and accusing you made you feel. It touches a nerve and your first instinct is to get defensive. When talking to people the most important thing is to be calm and clear. Don't get accusatory. The only "fault" they've made, really, is that two people in a relationship are having sex. A simple request from a roommate shouldn't be a problem, and, as I noted earlier, I'm sure you'll be pleasantly surprised to find they had no idea they were causing a problem and are totally open to finding a solution or compromise. If you get too accusatory or ambush them or something like that you'll probably find they'll get defensive and may not be so open to your suggestions.
 
Re owen: nah roommates certainly do not care about true amicability

What everyone strives for in their mind is to be a "slightly better" roomate from their own perspective

"Yea we might bother him some but like 3/4 of the mess is his fault"--and neither statement is probably true

Life is just full of convincing yourself of half truths
 
Definitely, but if you do complain, complain to whoever is the cause of such complaint.
If there only was a complaint thread where one could complain without getting not-asked-for advice by know-it-alls :hmm:
 
Re owen: nah roommates certainly do not care about true amicability

What everyone strives for in their mind is to be a "slightly better" roomate from their own perspective

"Yea we might bother him some but like 3/4 of the mess is his fault"--and neither statement is probably true

Life is just full of convincing yourself of half truths

Like I said, it really depends on how the situation is breached. I'm speaking from personal experience, so obviously it could be different for other people. But we legitimately had no idea we were causing a problem. We tried to keep it down and thought we were succeeding in our efforts. We never got the sense that anything was wrong. I won't deny we were having sex a lot, probably an unreasonable amount from the perspective of the housemates. But we were young, still in the honeymoon phase of the relationship, and just coming off 3 months of being in a weird long-distance relationship sort of thing. We thought the amount of sex we were having might have been a problem, but the girlfriend-less roommate didn't have a problem with it when I asked him about it and the girlfriended roommate was away a lot and didn't mind either. Nobody else said anything about it and it wasn't their room anyway so we assumed there was no problem.

I do agree that everybody in a living situation "assumes they are a better/more considerate roommate than everybody else". But this is the sort of thing that happens when you don't talk about things. You say "I don't have loud sex and do everything by headphone so I'm a way better roommate than those asshats", and meanwhile "those asshats are saying "that prick never washes his dishes and I always end up having to do them all for him, plus he's in his room all the time and never wants to go out!". Living with other people is all about communication, letting people know when there is a problem, and oh, there is always a problem.
 
Nobody is (or at least I'm not) pinning the blame on your for being bothered by sex noises. That is irritating, and from your perspective, it absolutely can be seen as inconsiderate. The thing they are blaming on you is that the recourse you opt for, at least in this thread, is to be passive aggressive. That's the main issue I had a problem with, as someone who has been on the receiving end of passive aggression. It wasn't nice. It hurt, and moreover it made me mad and frustrated. It totally ruined two perfectly warm friendships..
1. Azzaman has repeatedly accused me of immaturity for showing patience and restraint for some unfathomable reason. In his world, patience is a sin, and belligerence a virtue, apparently.

2. All I did was half-jokingly suggest that I might try to irritate them back. I haven't actually done anything like that, or indeed, anything at all. So I'm being attacked for a half-joking hypothetical and for not complaining, which is just plain weird.

Also, we have no dishes to do, and they've never shown the slightest interest in hanging out, which is fine by me, since we have nothing in common. I also let them borrow my printer and cleaning supplies when they need them, and I've never asked any favors of them, so I don't think I've been a bad roommate.
 
You are not understanding any of our posts, Phrossack, and you're getting unnecessarily riled up. Irecommend that you take a 15-minute walk and then come back and reread everything.

No, better make that a 30-minute walk.
 
We made a conscious and concerted effort to keep it down or play music over it so we wouldn't bother anybody.
Wow...
It took me til here to get that the sex per se was the problem, rather than the noise level.
Like, from my point of view the music would have made it worse, not better. :)
 
You're not being immature by showing restraint. That's actually damned decent of you to show that restraint when you don't/shouldn't need to. As I said, personally I think the best solution is to interrupt them right in the middle of their irritating behavior and let them know to knock it the hell off, that it's not welcome, and they need to be more considerate of their surroundings. Nothing wrong with that at all.

This is more or less what my roommates did to me. It didn't get me to "knock it off". It pissed me the hell off. Communication is key, but the way you communicate is just as important as the communication itself. Kennigt has it right, everybody is good or "in the right" in their heads. If you come in guns a-blazing you just come off like a prick and I'm not going to go out of my way to be nice to a prick.

1. Azzaman has repeatedly accused me of immaturity for showing patience and restraint for some unfathomable reason. In his world, patience is a sin, and belligerence a virtue, apparently.

2. All I did was half-jokingly suggest that I might try to irritate them back. I haven't actually done anything like that, or indeed, anything at all. So I'm being attacked for a half-joking hypothetical and for not complaining, which is just plain weird.

I assumed it was half-joking, but I just wanted to make sure just in case you did something stupid that could totally ruin an otherwise perfectly functional living arrangement. I didn't expect the level of dog piling that occurred afterwards and I'm sorry about that.

Azzaman tends to be fairly blunt, you kind of just have to get used to that. He means well.
 
You are not understanding any of our posts, Phrossack, and you're getting unnecessarily riled up. Irecommend that you take a 15-minute walk and then come back and reread everything.

No, better make that a 30-minute walk.

No, I understand Owen. I didn't understand why you were shocked by my claim that restraint is not a sign of immaturity, hence my :confused:.
 
^ no, it is both (to metatron)
music can mitigate the situation though

And some people dont mind music, which I find odd. I had a roomate generally unwilling, for a long time and even repeatedly asked, to use headphones because he liked his speakers better

If I recripocated, he truly probably wouldnt had cared. I just always used headphones anyways though, but he openly thought it was not an issue

Anyways, it all is like what I told my roommate who was horn happy in traffic. I have never seen anyone who, when someone behind them honks, think "thanks! Appreciate the feedback!". Everyone else is the arshat

There are lose lose scenarios, but confronting it early helps make the situation a little better

And unimagineable bliss in living alone :)
 
Speakers ftw.
 
This is hilarious!

I remember being on a crowded campsite full of young adults, one time. One couple were plainly, to judge by the noises the girl was making, enjoying themselves. One by one a chorus of voices joined in with her... what shall I call them? ... bleatings.

I was disappointed how quickly she shut up.

Anyway. I'm largely with Phrossack. Except that he should inform people of his grievances rather than stew on them. Not that I think he is, tbh.

And then, when he's inevitably rebuffed, laughed at or ignored, immediately seize the nearest sledge hammer and run amok. It's the only way.
 
1. Azzaman has repeatedly accused me of immaturity for showing patience and restraint for some unfathomable reason. In his world, patience is a sin, and belligerence a virtue, apparently.

2. All I did was half-jokingly suggest that I might try to irritate them back. I haven't actually done anything like that, or indeed, anything at all. So I'm being attacked for a half-joking hypothetical and for not complaining, which is just plain weird.

You're missing the point. If you continue to do nothing about it, it will continue to annoy you. Choosing to constantly avoid any possible conflict over resolving your issues is not a mature way of dealing with a problem. That doesn't mean you storm in and demand them to shut up while they're banging, that's probably worse than doing nothing, rather you should be able to have the maturity to bring it up in a manner that allows both you and your roommates to find an amicable solution.
 
This is more or less what my roommates did to me. It didn't get me to "knock it off". It pissed me the hell off. Communication is key, but the way you communicate is just as important as the communication itself. Kennigt has it right, everybody is good or "in the right" in their heads. If you come in guns a-blazing you just come off like a prick and I'm not going to go out of my way to be nice to a prick.

Interrupting someone engaging in unacceptable behavior to tell them that their unacceptable behavior is, well, unacceptable is not being a prick. It's dealing with the situation. Immediately and appropriately.

You don't lecture a dog for pissing on the rug an hour after the deed was done. You'll just confuse the dog.
 
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