"This Narrative Has Been Approved By Lighthearter"
Part 1
Lord Fargle stood with his hands clasped behind his back, tingling with barely controlled anticipation. The event he was about to partake in would provide him with no end of pleasure and he intended to make sure it went perfectly.
That was why he had rearranged the furniture, not just to make sure that none of it got damaged, but also to provide the maximum in dramatic impact.
He was particularly proud of the desk, normally it was positioned to to give him an ideal view of the whole room while also providing the added security of keeping his back against a very strong wall. Now however it sat in an imposing manner in front of the huge vaulted window, looking down on the room as though judging all who entered, and Fargle liked it that way.
He stood between it and the window, to ensure that he would appear dramatically silhouetted to anyone who entered, looking out and waiting with a smile so sharp it could cut glass. The traitor was his to punish.
How dare he? How dare ilduce jump into bed and plot with the drunken delusional mania of the Czar? The man who had dared to invade and subjugate Fargle's beloved Irish home?
A thought occurred to him that perhaps that was precisely why ilduce had done it, perhaps he had become so deranged that the only other man in the world like him was Peter? Either way it mattered not, whatever his reasons for doing it Ilduce's punishment would remain the same.
A familiar quiet cough sounded behind him, and Fargle turned and gave a small bow as the Kublai Khan entered in his usual quiet manner. The Khan was a very quiet man in general, usually content to simply care for his horses, but he was not squeamish and he would enjoy watching Doctor Xerxes work, especially on one who would betray them to the hated Peter. He gave Fargle a small nod and helped himself to a seat, saying nothing and settling down to wait.
“It will not be long now,” Fargle said as he turned back to face the window once more, continuing to smile – a smile that was now being mirrored on the face of the Khan.
It was indeed not long before the doors to Fargle's office burst open under the force of ilduce being bodily flung into them by the massive form of Commander Flynn, head of Fargle's personal force The Black Adders.
Flynn was an astoundingly huge and serious looking man, large enough to warrant comparison to long fabled giants, and as such had no problem hefting ilduce's comparatively tiny frame which slammed into the floor with enough of a thud to visibly startle the waiting Khan.
Fargle turned from the window, his smile now large enough to make even the finest rictus grin of a corpse turn green with envy. Ilduce glared up him up with pure fury, spitting blood out onto Fargle's carpet in an act of defiance as he struggled to get upright, straining against the shackles that bound his hands behind his back.
Fargle gave him nothing more than a mocking frown in response as he sauntered around his desk to his umbrella stand from which he, with a smooth flourish, plucked an umbrella with an ornate ebony handle.
“You bastard,” ilduce croaked as he spat out more of the blood that was continuously pooling in his mouth - the Adders had not been gentle in transporting him, “You can't do this to me”
“The fact that I currently am doing it certainly seems to counteract your little statement now doesn't it?” Fargle replied. His voice deliberately sarcastic and mocking as he made an exaggerated show of leisurely strolling to just outside the range of ilduce's restricted reach.
“Remove his shackles!” Fargle barked at the attending guard who responded with a puzzled frown.
“Sir?”
“You heard me. Doctor Xerxes can't do his best work if his patient's hands are stuck behind his back.” The young guard's face blanched with understanding as he nervously bent down to unlock the shackles. Everyone in the Adders knew of Doctor Xerxes.
He only managed to half complete his task however, since as soon as he had unlocked one side so that ilduce's arms were no longer bound together, ilduce swung the arm that still had the heavy shackles dangling from it up into the guard's naively unsuspecting face.
The weighty iron clamp slammed into the guard's nose and bounced off with a sickening crack and he recoiled in horror, clutching his nose which was now fountaining with blood.
Not missing a beat, ilduce spun around and made a grab for the guard's sword only to be interrupted by the heavy thwack of Fargle's umbrella slamming down hard into the crook of his elbow. Both sword and ilduce clattered to the floor and he scrabbled desperately for it, half bind from the blood of the guard that had sprayed onto his face.
He was unsuccessful, cut short by the point of Fargle's umbrella stabbing down and pinning his hand to the floor. Ilduce's eyes grew wide as he stared at the point of the umbrella digging into his hand and slowly they travelled up the shaft until they found the sneering face of Lord Fargle glaring down at him.
“Do you know why I always carry an umbrella Lord ilduce?” Fargle asked in a manner that was clearly not meant to be answered.
“Because you're a prententious ?” Ilduce spat back, determined to spite his tormentor any way he could, but Fargle merely raised an eyebrow, his manner unchanged.
“Not primarily.” Fargle replied sardonically as he stroked the polished ebony handle with his thumb.
“It's because umbrellas are astonishingly useful things. Not just for keeping the rain off you understand, you can also defend yourself with one if you use it right. But perhaps the most interesting thing, is that you can hide all kinds of fun little mechanisms in them. Like this one.”
Fargle's thumb ceased it's stroking of the smooth handle and pressed down gently on the concealed plate within it. The sound of a spring mechanism firing echoed from within the main shaft of the umbrella and a thin spike, sharpened to an exquisite point, shot forth from the tip and speared itself through ilduce's hand in a single, slick motion.
A startled gasp was all that managed to work it's way past ilduce's lips as Fargle withdrew the umbrella, revealing the hole that the spike had punched cleanly through his hand. Without the umbrella to obstruct it the hole began to pour with blood and ilduce, preoccupied with his desperate attempts to stop the bleeding using his shirt, didn't notice the man who had entered the room behind him.
“Ahh Doctor Xerxes, excellent, come in and meet your new patient.”
Fargle's voice rang out from somewhere above him, and ilduce tried to turn around to see this new arrival, only to be met with a wave of dizziness and nausea. His vision swam violently, the rough treatment on the way there, combined with the lack of food and water and his recent wound on top of that were now taking their toll on him.
He could hear them speaking, he knew they were speaking, he could hear the noise, but he couldn't make out any words. Three blurred shapes towered over him and he reached out, trying to find something solid so he could steady himself, but ended up catching nothing but air and falling forward into blackness.
