I crouch down to the floor and lick up the spilled gin and vermouth. "Waste not, want not!" I declare.
19: Gross, but effective. You clean the entire carpet like a cat (+2 to doing cat things). You also gain the desired amount of intoxication. +1 Intoxication (+1 to Happiness, +1 to doing intoxicated things, -1 to common sense, 10 turns).
I find a mop to give to Crezth
5: You are too distracted by Crezth extremely gross catlike actions to find a mop.
You get a phone call from work "Rosie! We need you desperately! There's a crisis in parliament and only your finely crafted numbers can resolve it!"
I distract everyone with a really good song.
(6) 9: The impromptu 2013 David Bowie concert, while really cool, has minimal impact on the timeline.
I use my special attack, Chester Cheeto Crunchy Crush.
(16) 18: You make a Cheetos flavoured big fire mouth that crunches Hatsune Mike for massive damage! (-34 HP, -3 HP/turn on fire, -3 HP/turn bleeding).
Hatsune Mike attempts to retaliate. ROLL TO DODGE!!!
(10) 10: You manage to continue dodging Hatsune Mike, but that super attack took a little bit out of you (Tired, -1 to movement, 1 turn).
I climb on top of the ZIG, and look at the crowd, and address them. "Friends! Today, we have been at the very brink of destruction. As long as nuclear weapons continue to exist and are stockpiled by all nations, we are always at risk! We cannot rely on our leaders to always have the best considerations about our well-being. I urge you, to organize, and pressure your governments to put an end to this nuclear threat, by disarming ALL nuclear arsenals. Tell your families, tell your neighbours, tell everyone! We cannot risk this once more. We needed nuclear disarmenent yesterday!"
(4) 8: You successfully organise the crowd into the Revolutionary Nuclear Disarmament Party, who unanimously elect you their chairperson. The reactionaries, as you can imagine, are less than thrilled about this and view you as a threat that needs to be crushed immediately. A police battalion starts brawling with the crowd! The outcome of the battle will be decided at the end of the turn!
You know who is canonically qualified to practice law in Japan, California, not!Salem, and a made up South Asian-esque country in the game, and is known to do pro-bono work if they believe in the client?
I call for Phoenix Wright, Ace Attorney
7: Unfortunately it is 2013, Wright canonically didn't pass the bar exam until 2017.
Little King John comes down to the dungeon, fully healed and motivated. He says "I have no time for a boring legal proceeding, acceptance of my courtship is what I want to be hearing."
I call out for an appropriate medical professional to come help me now that I'm in a hospital.
10: You summon an appropriate nurse, but unfortunately he can't really do anything until Grum is moved out of the way.
Time for a new move, and this one's a status debuff! "LAMENTABLE LINEN LULLABY!" SouthernKing it is past your bedtime. Time to go to sleep!!!
(18) 18: The Lamentable Linen Lullaby does minimal damage and mana drain (-1 HP, -14% mana drain) but makes SouthernKing
incredibly sleepy (-2 to non-restful actions) and increases the mana drain penalty (-1 to Dark Buddhist Magic). It also puts SouthernKing at high risk of falling out of the sky!
Sentiment: Ryūjin having helped me, I now join heroic Aleks-san in organising nuclear disarmament. It is what bushidō declares to be proper.
Action: submit petition to Nippon government to organise worldwide pacifist antinuclear movement. I know that the Dragon Goddess of the Sea will agree with this.
(6) 8: The Japanese government agrees with your sentiment and provides diplomatic support to the Revolutionary Nuclear Disarmament Party. The CIA really disliked that and have sent an assassin armed with a Heart-Attack Gun after you. ROLL TO DODGE!!!
(16) 21: You waterbend that CIA assassin right into Lake Burley Griffin, the pollution killing her instantly.
Get a nurse to provide Kotok McCarthy with their medication.
Chess: Nc6
(10) 11: You attract the attention of a nearby nurse, who uses Medicine #11 to transfer your 11 to Kotok McCarthy for this turn.
"Bg5." says Kotok McCarthy, "Also, forbidden anime chess technique! Qd3dõ¿ïğ!"
The White Queen disappears from the board and instead stands behind him in real life.
"This is a forbidden anime chess technique," Kotok McCarthy explains "Abusing the fifth dimension to summon the chess pieces to fight in real life. If I did this in a tournament game I would be immediately disqualified! But I figure that you would forgive me considering this is a matter of life-or-death. Q to GRUM1!"
The White Queen attacks Grum (16) 24: The Queen's rapid eight-fold attack severely injures Grum (-30 HP, -5 HP/turn bleeding) and knocks him off Gurra09! Additionally, the time-space wackiness of Grum, the cosmic cobblestone bridge and 5D anime chess magic gives the White Queen an additional attack this turn!
(19) 27: Another consecutive eight punches turns
Grum into a fine paste. The Queen returns to where she belongs:
The nurse attempts to patch up Gurra09 14: He stops the bleeding and puts him on a drip (+1 HP/turn) and then goes to find a doctor.
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
(13) 18: You run through the crowd, ignoring anyone but your hated foe and catch him off-guard, cutting and slicing through his defences (-35 HP, -5 HP/turn bleeding).
SouthernKingviaDiscord said:
make the railway scream in contradiction
(16) 16: Despite your grogginess and lack of mana, you manage to make the railroads scream in contradiction once again, severely impacting the ability of the CivFanatics berserkers to hold their own due to all the screaming (-2 combat ability).
****************
Sasaki Kojirō (no relation)The Battle of Beijing continues to rage! (12) 16: The Maras are victorious, pushing the CivFanatic berserkers back into the pits of OT where they belong! They feast on the bones of the berserkers, giving them more strength! (+1 to combat ability).
The U.S army finally arrives and starts engaging the Mara! The Battle of Beijing continues!
"I tire of Beijing," says THUNDERFALL "You are worthy opponent. I shall fight you in my most prized arena!" (17) 16: You are transported to the COLOSSEUM. The CivFanatic energies are absorbed by THUNDERFALL, restoring his strength (the Stand Power ability is restored!).
Camikaze screams and makes his final Camikaze attack! (12) 27 Camikaze
explodes and dies in a massive fireball, SouthernKing is quick on his feet and creates a barrier to protect against most of the damage and only suffers some pushback (-17 HP). However, blocking such an intense attack drained the rest of his mana and completely exhausted him! SouthernKing falls asleep...and then starts falling! The adrenaline kicks in and awakens SouthernKing (sleepiness penalty suppressed while falling), but now he finds himself rapidly falling to his death! (Falling, instant death in three turns!)
Camikaze's fire rains down on the people below, impacting both the U.S army and the Maras (-1 combat to each). But also the fire hits all characters in the area! ROLL TO DODGE!!!
Carthasis: (16) 15: Carthasis activates his Bushido dodging again, swiftly dodging out of the way and gains a +1 to dodge for the rest of this epic battle.
ori: (11) 11: ori wakes up just in time to avoid his dead comrade's flames!
Sasaki Kojirō (no relation): (16) 10: Being both unconscious and having his legs broken, it is nothing short of a miracle he got out of that chaos with merely -5 HP damage.
Hilary Rodham Clinton: 11: Is safe in her admiral's chair.
ori, seeing the chaos on the ground and the defeat of his comrade, decides to help Catharsis take down the more dangerous foe! (12) 12: ori's DNA magic begins to patch Cartharsis up (+5 HP, 2 turns) and removes the headache.
"While we might be enemies," ori explains "I cannot let my comrade's death be in vain. I will help you take down the Archrulebreaker SouthernKing."
Sasaki Kojirō (no relation) starts assisting the U.S army by attacking the Mara! (-2 to Mara combat ability).
I continue to play F/GO. There's a cool new event coming out later today!
Hilary Rodham Clinton attempts to lead the U.S Army to victory 8: But she's a President, not a military commander dammit!
Marcher Jovain is scouted by an Olympics coach and retires from the game.