Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[BurningLegion]

I'm gonna roll to will myself into the game.

 

[GenMarshall]

I chart a corse, to da Moon!

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I return fire.

1 (6): Using a GPS scrambler, the Eternal Kingdom tricks your automated targeting into bombarding strategic Mongolian positions instead, reducing its defences 1 point!

Iask thor pretty please to just move me to America because I know this isn't fun for both of us

5 (6): Naw mang, you should use this opportunity to hustle back to Namibia and recruit some of those transient NPCs. Also with the Bluecapes displaced off the continent, Trump reclaims New York.

CubeCannon! Swap that nearby rock with George!

6 (7): What with you still recovering from the EMP blast, you're unable to interface with the satellite.

I'm gonna roll to will myself into the game.

10: goddammit everyone the CubeCannon was supposed to have killed this round off ages ago, look at all the dreams you're crushing

I chart a corse, to da Moon!

12: Shooting the finger to everyone else, you seek refuge on the far side of the moon.

The Eternal Kingdom tag-teams back to Pakistan.
ROLL TO DODGE!
20 (15): The monarchists seize Punjab province, and with it, a nuclear weapon! It will be launch-capable in 5 turns. Cruz angles to finish off the Bahamas.
ROLL TO DODGE!
8 (3)lololol get #rekt zodiac killer as the surviving islands fortify by 3 points.

CubeCannon swaps hendo and President George!
Having accidentally found himself inside the Eternal Kingdom's secret headquarters, he's immediately set upon by Christos Xinjiang, Patron Saint of Nihilism!

ROLL FOR INITIATIVE!
7 (3): Caught completely flat-footed, hendo suffers two attacks this round!
ROLL TO DODGE!
11 (7): Christos delivers an overture of bullets worth 16 damage.
ROLL TO DODGE!
4 (1): Before he can recover, Christos closes the distance and savages him for another 29 damage.

​

 

[JohannaK]

I switch to manual targeting and bombard Cruz's forces in the KSC.

 

[NinjaCow64]

That's it, on my deathbed from my otherworldly dimension I say "no more new joins" and that means nobody can join this bloody round anymore.

 

[Omega124]

I mope

 

[BurningLegion]

I'm going to construct my own mausoleum.

 

[GenMarshall]

I scan for a suitable place to establish a Moon base.

 

[CivCube]

I refresh myself at the nearest mech spa.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I switch to manual targeting and bombard Cruz's forces in the KSC.

4 (10): You forget to correct for gravitational influence and the shots fall short into the sea. The Eternal Kingdom responds with counter-battery.
ROLL TO DODGE!
3 (9): Shield integrity falls by 6%, and some lucky shots hit the armour for -5% durability.

That's it, on my deathbed from my otherworldly dimension I say "no more new joins" and that means nobody can join this bloody round anymore.

18: Doing what he should've done once the Ion Cannon was introduced, the game moderator posts a front page ward against all new entries.

I mope

14 (13): You realize that any true Socialist revolutionary directs one's anger out against the status quo, gaining a +2 bonus to rolls for the next four turns through sheer determinism.

I scan for a suitable place to establish a Moon base.

8: This is a warship, not a colony ship.

I refresh myself at the nearest mech spa.

10 (11): Returning to friendly Mongolia, you swing by the motor pool for a 25-hitpoint tune-up.

Christos and hendo continue to scrap.
ROLL TO DODGE!
16 (12): hendo delivers a well-placed shot with his deagle inflicting 11 damage and 4 burn damage for the next four turns.

Dangerously exposed, President George launches a one-man takeover of Lesotho.
ROLL TO DODGE!
20: Thanks to Tani's egregious powergaming masterful strategy, he single-handedly slaughters the entire government and subjugates the population in a single, Zerg-rushing stroke! South Africa is taken so completely by surprise that it loses 2 Defence, and the opening of a new front grants the EKNC another attack!
Lesotho has been defeated by the EKNC!
Reorganized, the main army delves deeper into China.
ROLL TO DODGE!
13 (11): The monarchists consolidate their western flank by seizing Tibet. Cruz launches a fresh offensive against the United States.
ROLL TO DODGE!
11 (8): Having devoted most of the heavy artillery to bombarding the Space Oddity, the insurgents are unable to break through the front.

CubeCannon swaps Samuel North and the Bluecapes!

​

 

[JohannaK]

I bombard whatever EKNC boss I know the location of. Otherwise I bombard their forces in Florida.

 

[CivCube]

The CubeCannon has allowed George to take over South Africa's donut hole.

Clearly, this is the first time such a globalizing instrument has allowed fascism to spread. [/2016]

While I recover with a mech latte, I post a rebellious meme on Facebook.

 

[Omega124]

The bluecapes are in America.

I have them reassert power

 

[GenMarshall]

I scan the Moon's surface for derelict equipment.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I bombard whatever EKNC boss I know the location of. Otherwise I bombard their forces in Florida.

9 (15): Delivering suppressive fire, you reduce the efficiency of Cruz's forces, penalizing his attack this turn by -3.

While I recover with a mech latte, I post a rebellious meme on Facebook.

7 (8): Bob Saget, it's smothered by Trump polemics.

The bluecapes are in America.
I have them reassert power

14 (16): While the US Army piddles about in New York, they quietly coup Maine.

I scan the Moon's surface for derelict equipment.

11: You identify debris and various abandoned equipment from the Space Race.

Christos closes in for mêlée with hendo.
ROLL TO DODGE!
11 (6): Like something out of a literal slasher film, Christos carves him up for 14 damage.

The Eternal Kingdom makes a surprise attack on Nepal.
ROLL TO DODGE!
13: The country's eastmost region falls in the quasi-genocidal assault. Meanwhile, Cruz makes another pass at Cuba.
ROLL TO DODGE!
18 (14): The monarchists force a beachhead outside Havana. George commences his takeover of South Africa.
ROLL TO DODGE!
13 (15): Monarchist forces push into the interior toward Pretoria.

CubeCannon swaps the Master and the Chinese Commandos!

​

 

[Omega124]

I support my brothers and sisters in Cuba, who helped us in our revolution against the foreign imperialists in the Cold War!

I order elements of the Namibian Army to go over and assist the Cubans

 

[CivCube]

I do self-repair diagnostics in preparation for my flight.

 

[JohannaK]

I automate SOL 740 to fire every turn on EKNC forces.

 

[GenMarshall]

I scan the debri for anything of value or useful.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

T'is the season for sudden out-of-town trips.

I order elements of the Namibian Army to go over and assist the Cubans

12 (13): The expedition helps fortify capital defences, improving Cuban preparedness by 1 point.

I do self-repair diagnostics in preparation for my flight.

10 (11): Identifying a rank-order of critical internal damage, you improve your autoregeneration by +2 hitpoints/turn.

I automate SOL 740 to fire every turn on EKNC forces.

19 (20): The satellite is upgraded to official NPC status, and will automatically attack appropriate Eternal Kingdom NPCs each turn. It starts with the 49th Division.
ROLL TO DODGE!
11 (13): The unit is vaporized.

I scan the debri for anything of value or useful.

5: It's not even useful for scrap.

Christos continues to abuse hendo.
ROLL TO DODGE!
1 (1): hendo's brutalized for 24 damage.

The Eternal Kingdom moves to crush Mongolian independence ONES AND FOR ALL
ROLL TO DODGE!
5 (1): This continuing military disaster is starting to take its toll even on the die-hards. Mongolia, the PRC, and the Soviet Union gain +2 Defence each from abundant study of Monarchist doctrinal folly. Meanwhile, Cruz uses the Bluecape resurgence to launch a fresh assault on the US interior.
ROLL TO DODGE!
20 (17): An aggressive spearhead drives all the way to the Californian shore, promptly arresting those filthy Berkeley lie-bruls and atheist intellectual elitists that survived Trump's firing spree, while cutting off the Southern slave immigrant free market economy and undermining US and Mexican defences 2 points each! Elsewhere, George continues his drive to the South African capital.
ROLL TO DODGE!
12 (14): Monarchists seize Pretoria, further weakening South African defence by 1 point.

CubeCannon swaps Construction Worker and HyenaGeneral!