Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[choxorn]

Since the Rod of Asclepius seems to be some sort of medical symbol, I use it to heal myself back to full HP.

 

[kill fire]

Awesome. I try to find out where to go again.

 

[Anonymoose]

I escape from my attackers to the plane of neverending non-violence.

 

[tuxedohamm]

I take the 717 rat tails to the Oracle and ask if this is enough because rats suck.

 

[mythmonster2]

Order my copies to surround Anonymoose to confuddle him and prevent him from escaping.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I forge a spear that can shoot lightnings.

5: You grasp a lightning rod as a thunderstorm gathers beneath you.
ROLL TO DODGE!
17 (20): You now have an electrtically-charged spear.

Since the Rod of Asclepius seems to be some sort of medical symbol, I use it to heal myself back to full HP.

1 (3): You hit yourself in the head for a startling 30 damage.

Awesome. I try to find out where to go again.

11: You must go to Viktor's house.

I escape from my attackers to the plane of neverending non-violence.

17: You escape to the plane. During your stay you will be immune to player attacks while being unable to engage in any attack yourself. Leaving the plane requires one full action.

I take the 717 rat tails to the Oracle and ask if this is enough because rats suck.

3 (1): She laughs in your face. Get back out there and kill your quota, before they kill you!
ROLL TO DODGE!
19: You slay another 400.

Order my copies to surround Anonymoose to confuddle him and prevent him from escaping.

18 (19): They successfully immobilize him before he can escape. He becomes disoriented, suffering a -2 penalty to all actions.

IS CIVPLAYAH DEAD?!?!?!

Spoiler :

Divine Intervention: 17
The surgical staff manages to stabilize him right before he loses his remaining hitpoint.

 

[Seon]

I search for civplayah with my mind's eye.

 

[choxorn]

I pray to the Random Number God to stop giving me so many single-digit rolls.

 

[civplayah]

I summon the werewolves to protect me. (please work)

 

[kill fire]

Good. Now that I know where to go, I head on over to Viktor's house.

 

[mythmonster2]

Take a tasty bite out of Anonymoose.

 

[Anonymoose]

I fail to resurrect Abaddon.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I search for civplayah with my mind's eye.

7: It's distracted by somebody reading Calvin and Hobbes.

I pray to the Random Number God to stop giving me so many single-digit rolls.

1: You become hexed, and any roll higher than 9 will default for your next five actions.

I summon the werewolves to protect me. (please work)

18 (16): This time the call gets through, and they patrol the hospital while the surgeons patch up 30 hitpoints.

Good. Now that I know where to go, I head on over to Viktor's house.

9: You're nearly hit by a speeding car.

Take a tasty bite out of Anonymoose.

7 (8): You scratch him for a paltry 4 damage.

I fail to resurrect Abaddon.

14 (12): You grind him into powder.

Quantum Butterfly appears in Zack's jail cell and attacks him.
ROLL TO DODGE!
8 (6): Zack suffers 12 damage.

The rats continue to swarm tuxedohamm.
ROLL TO DODGE!
17: A sweeping blow lands 312 more for the sack.

 

[Omega124]

I use the Air Bud clause to get back in the game.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Air Bud Clause

 

[Double A]

Wow that's almost 1500 rats in all...

 

[Double A]

And I use the Air Bud case to play as an inactive player.

 

[kill fire]

I run over to Viktor's house, while flipping off the car at the same time.

 

[mythmonster2]

Take a bite out of Anonymoose this time.

 

[Double A]

I run over to Viktor's house, while flipping off the car at the same time.

In Soviet Russia, car flips off you !!

 

[choxorn]

1: You become hexed, and any roll higher than 9 will default for your next five actions.

OMGWTFBBQ YOU ARE BLEEPING KIDDING ME.

Fine, I fly to Paris and sit on a bench. That can't possibly go wrong, can it?