Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[Terrance888]

I am breaking free... out of the brig into another part of the ship.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I attack myth with my knife.

5 (9): You meant 'myth' as in mythology, right?

I input the Konami Code into my ship's computer.

6 (9): Ow! Point your old cheat codes somewhere else. Didn't you know that when something grows popular enough, referencing it is not funny anymore?

Belay that. I use Bavarian Firedrill in order to get the guards to free me and attack Abaddon.

3 (1): The guards immediately suspect you're with the Illuminati, and start shooting you.
ROLL TO DODGE!
10 (8): A volley of... whatever they're using shears away 31 hitpoints.

Order my bodyguard to me and conveniently duck under Red_Spy's attack by looking under the crates.

18 (19): Ha ha! A brand new laser chain gun and two battery packs!

I go to the Medical Ward and obtain some healing nanobots.

17: GRABBIN' PEELZ. You restore your regeneration with a +3 boost.

I am breaking free... out of the brig into another part of the ship.

16: You fall through Abaddon's trap door, landing on top of Red_Spy, dealing 16 damage.

 

[Red_Spy]

I run around the ship.

 

[Double A]

Oh really, computer? Try repeating that 42 times.

 

[Abaddon]

I cough up all the acid in Seon's face.

 

[Seon]

I rig the dice.

 

[Terrance888]

I hand on to red spy and stab him repeatedly.

 

[mythmonster2]

Fire the chaingun ahead of Red_Spy to avoid Hero Tracking Failure.

 

[Terrance888]

Darn you! You sucked me into a morass of TV tropes for TWO HOURS!

 

[mythmonster2]

Mission accomplished.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I run around the ship.

10: You trip and fall.

Oh really, computer? Try repeating that 42 times.

1 (4): OH TEH NOES!! You computer has overheated and shut down.

I cough up all the acid in Seon's face.

16: You inflict 12 damage, blinding him and subjecting him to ongoing -12 hitpoints.

I rig the dice.

4 (2): ...to explode!

I hand on to red spy and stab him repeatedly.

3 (1): You only exhaust yourself, to the tune of -17 hitpoints.

Fire the chaingun ahead of Red_Spy to avoid Hero Tracking Failure.

19 (20): He stumbles right into the field of fire, suffering a bright volley for 34 damage.

landlubber, !!!!!, Darth Caesar, Verarde and CivGeneral each suffer 15 damage for inactivity.

 

[mythmonster2]

Sic my bodyguard on him and continue the barrage.

 

[Abaddon]

Since I have successfully coughed up all the acid, my body heals fully.

 

[Double A]

I fix my computer with my amazing mechanical skills.

 

[Red_Spy]

I get the ablity to survive in space somehow.

 

[Seon]

I put the dice on the locks of the jail so that I can break out.

 

[Darth Caesar]

I'm here! I ask the hippies for a ship and set off to find some Spartans

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

Apologies for the egregious delay.

Sic my bodyguard on him and continue the barrage.

2 (3): Your grip is loose and the spray rebounds, hitting you for 27 damage.

Since I have successfully coughed up all the acid, my body heals fully.

8: You coughed some of it up, but there's still enough left to burn you.

I fix my computer with my amazing mechanical skills.

12 (15): You perform a reboot and are now back on course to Earth.

I get the ablity to survive in space somehow.

1: Ooh. Looks like you're especially susceptible to the vacuum. Don't leave without a spacesuit.

I put the dice on the locks of the jail so that I can break out.

4 (2-BLAM! You suffer 19 damage.

I'm here! I ask the hippies for a ship and set off to find some Spartans

14: They don't have a ship to spare, so you steal a private shuttle from the hangar.

The Bagel Men remember they're not pacifist anymore, and resume the attack on CivGeneral.
ROLL TO DODGE!
6: He pummels CivGeneral out of 16 hitpoints.
ROLL TO DODGE!
7: He sandwiches CivGeneral for 14 damage.

 

[Abaddon]

The acid is neutralised as I heal completely.

 

[GenMarshall]

Enough with the constant attacks. I slice Bagel Men into over 9000 pieces!

Also, whoever has a quest to help me best Bagel Men, you're not doing a good job .