Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[Omega124]

I turn my lack of enthusiasm into a weapon

 

[JohannaK]

I shoot at Ted Cruz's spaceship once more.

 

[CivCube]

I fly back to Mbuji-Mayi and see what their scientists and engineers have developed.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I take aim and shoot out Ted's grenades from a safe location to have them explode in his face taking out his hit points while Frank Stops-Drops-and-Rolls to put out the flame.

18 (15): You miss the bombs but you hit him in the hip, dealing 18 damage and sending the grenades rolling across the floor. Frank tries to put out the fire.
ROLL TO DODGE!
2 (3): He only succeeds in making it worse, increasing the damage to -5 hitpoints/turn. Cruz makes his move.
ROLL TO DODGE!
15 (16): Managing to keep your distance, you fire into his charge, dealing another 20 damage.

I turn my lack of enthusiasm into a weapon

20 (17): Adopting the tried-and-true Communist dictator's prerogative of not giving a damn, you reverse your spiritual polarity to immunize yourself from emotional effects. Opponents' emotion-based modifiers now work to your benefit in combat, and you convert your Lust into health.
ROLL TO DODGE!
12 (9): The Ghost Writer tackles you, mostly unsuccessfully, for 6 damage.

I shoot at Ted Cruz's spaceship once more.

7 (2): Cruz doesn't have a spaceship, and the Mike Pence finally has a firing solution on your vessel.
ROLL TO DODGE!
4 (5): The Space Oddity takes a devil of a beating. Shields lose 20% effectiveness, leading to direct hits on the armour for -8% strength and causing injuries to the crew.

I fly back to Mbuji-Mayi and see what their scientists and engineers have developed.

9 (10): Monarchist ground forces try to intercept your departure.
ROLL TO DODGE!
15 (20): Leaving them something to remember you by, you take some time to rain all hell on the frontline troops, buying South Africa plenty of time to raise its Defence +3.

SOL 740 goes for the 80th.
ROLL TO DODGE!
13 (6): "Joan is against the Mad King, right?" wonders India as it loses 1 Defence.

The monarchists roll into western India.
ROLL TO DODGE!
10 (10): The Indians push them back. Cruz's forces launch a nuke at the Space Oddity while its weapons are still down!
ROLL TO DODGE!
16 (11): The missile detonates prematurely but close enough to wipe out shielding, delivering 12% damage to armour and mild EMP effects that erode all other functions -4%.
Loss of shielding and armour penalizes the USS Space Oddity's basic defence bonus -2.
ROLL TO DODGE!
20 (14): The Mike Pence is washed in fallout, sapping shields by 16%.
Loss of shielding penalizes the USS Mike Pence's basic defence bonus -1.
The Somali terrorists move to finish off Somaliland once and for all.
ROLL TO DODGE!
7 (8): Overstreched from the last attack, the invaders are beaten back.

 

[CivCube]

I return to Mbuji-Mayi and spend all personal funds and science into upgrading myself. The city funding goes into building more mechas.

 

[JohannaK]

All hands on deck! Cycle the crews and put all available men and women to repair duties, including myself, only to return fire if we are shot at.

 

[GenMarshall]

I concentrate all my fire at Ted's head while Frank puts out the flames by using a nearby fire extinguisher.

 

[Omega124]

I stab Ghosty.

37 times.

in the chest.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I return to Mbuji-Mayi and spend all personal funds and science into upgrading myself. The city funding goes into building more mechas.

11 (12): Spending $650 and 100 , you install some aerial stabilizers, improving your mobility rating +2.

All hands on deck! Cycle the crews and put all available men and women to repair duties, including myself, only to return fire if we are shot at.

15 (16): Comprehensive on-site repair fixes most internal systems and restores shields 25%.
Replenished shielding restores +1 to the USS Space Oddity's basic defence.

I concentrate all my fire at Ted's head while Frank puts out the flames by using a nearby fire extinguisher.

10 (8): The burst goes wild. Hope you didn't hit the extinguisher by mistake.
ROLL TO DODGE!
12 (13): Frank douses himself liberally with fire ret—oh, apparently CivFanatics doesn't believe in kitchen safety.
ROLL TO DODGE!
19 (18): As Ted comes in for a lunge, you feign right and grab his shield, sending him off-balance before bludgeoning him with it for 18 damage.

I stab Ghosty.

37 times.

in the chest.

20 (13): It's mostly shallow cuts and scrapes, but you manage to inflict 13 damage.
ROLL TO DODGE!
15 (10): You're trickled-down for 8 damage and -$9.52.

SOL 740 gets a lock on the 17th.
ROLL TO DODGE!
5 (1): It just ain't Afghanistan's day as mountain hideouts are burnt out, and with them, 3 Defence.

The Eternal Kingdom renews the assault on Mongolia. THIS TIME FOR SURE!
ROLL TO DODGE!
16 (18): The last desperate resistance is mercilessly slaughtered, allowing the Monarchists to focus on the Soviet Union in force. Russia loses 2 Defence.
Mongolia has been defeated by the EKNC!
Cruz's cronies intensify the assault on Mexico.
ROLL TO DODGE!
19 (19): The insurgents continue pushing down the bottleneck, overrunning defensive lines and weakening Mexican resistance -2. The Somali cell launches an amphibious assault on Socotra.
ROLL TO DODGE!
7 (11): The island is brought under the merciless jackboot of free trade.

​

 

[JohannaK]

I upload an improved targeting software onto SOL 740 while the crew keeps on repairing as we wait for the weapons to go back online.

 

[CivCube]

Searching now: Gang of Four (Ghost Writer). Flying to target.​

 

[Omega124]

I now cut off his hands.

And eat them.

 

[GenMarshall]

I rifle butt Ted in the head while Frank follows up with another swift kick to Ted's package.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I upload an improved targeting software onto SOL 740 while the crew keeps on repairing as we wait for the weapons to go back online.

18 (19): "About bloody time," says the world. The satellite gains a +5 attack bonus and will no longer be thrown off by divisions' Mobility rating.

Searching now: Gang of Four (Ghost Writer). Flying to target.​

8 (11): You set course for Somalia, ETA 3 turns.

I now cut off his hands.

And eat them.

13 (6): Goading you like a toreador, he dodges your strike and trips you up, sending you crashing into the floor for 11 damage.
ROLL TO DODGE!
20 (15): Succumbing to a bout of sheer madness, you tear off one of the bedposts and hurl it at him, dealing 14 damage and winding him for -2 to all rolls for the next three turns.

I rifle butt Ted in the head while Frank follows up with another swift kick to Ted's package.

13 (8): His sword is longer than your gun (jeeealooous..?), and he parries the strike while knocking 6 hitpoints out of you. While he's distracted, Frank tries to grab him from behind.
ROLL TO DODGE!
6 (7): He's beaten back for 5 damage. Critically injured, Cruz activates his Executive Power: Moral Majority!
ROLL TO DODGE!
13 (8): Channelling the hatred of the Religious Right, Cruz unleashes a purifying wave of theocratic fury! You and Frank suffer 3 damage each turn for as long as you're battling Cruz.

The recalibrated SOL 740 locks on to the 80th Division.
ROLL TO DODGE!
3 (4): Well at least it didn't fail completely this time, only nixing Nepalese defences -2.

Monarchist forces pour into western China.
ROLL TO DODGE!
17 (20): Smoothing out the frontier, the Eternal Kingdom seizes two more missiles that will be armed in 4 turns! The American cell likewise consolidates its flank.
ROLL TO DODGE!
3 (5): Caught up on the Rockies, the offensive stalls, buying Idaho, Utah and Nevada time to fortify. Somali insurgents renew the Kenyan offensive.
ROLL TO DODGE!
17 (20): Blitzing down the coast, Monarchist forces draw in sight of the capital and even push on to Tanzania; Kenya loses 2 Defence and Tanzania 1.

​

 

[CivCube]

I fire at any EKNC knuckleheads on my way to Somalia.

 

[JohannaK]

Bombard the EKNC missile silos we know of.

 

[GenMarshall]

I take aim at Ted's head to deliver a fatal killing headshot while Frank channels his inner rage to neutralize Ted's purification effect and pummels him into a pulp.

 

[Omega124]

I BITE HIS HANDS OFF

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I fire at any EKNC knuckleheads on my way to Somalia.

15 (20): Your BS detector picks up a seditionist vanguard in Uganda and you promptly make a flyby. This early warning allows the country to fortify 3 points.

Bombard the EKNC missile silos we know of.

6 (12): You commence a synchronized surface bombardment that will suppress American missile launches for the next three turns.

I take aim at Ted's head to deliver a fatal killing headshot while Frank channels his inner rage to neutralize Ted's purification effect and pummels him into a pulp.

10 (10): You sneeze, and the shot misses. Frank decides he's tanked enough, and opts to heal himself instead.
ROLL TO DODGE!
11 (12): He patches up 25 hitpoints. Cruz keeps the pressure on you.
ROLL TO DODGE!
11 (14): You punch him in the face for 19 damage.

I BITE HIS HANDS OFF

13 (7): Hey, just because you've shut off emotion doesn't mean you should abandon reason! Exploiting your mania, Ghosty misleads your attack, gaining a +1 bonus in his counterstrike!
ROLL TO DODGE!
11 (7): You're hit for 13 damage and -$18.39.

SOL 740 makes a pass on the 52nd.
ROLL TO DODGE!
18 (16): Freakin' finally, amirite? The unit suffers 21 damage.

The Eternal Kingdom renews the Indian front.
ROLL TO DODGE!
11 (11): Uttarakhand falls to the Monarchist menace. Anticipating an eventual Pacific linkup, the American cell invades Hawai'i!
ROLL TO DODGE!
12 (17): The state falls, expanding the EKNC's projection power into the South Pacific. Nauru, Kiribati, the Marshall Islands and Federated States of Micronesia each lose 1 Defence. The Somali band begins the invasion of Yemen proper.
ROLL TO DODGE!
12 (14): The insurgents establish a beachhead near the Bab-el-Mandeb.

The Eternal Kingdom has readied a nuke!

​

 

[GenMarshall]

Utalizing my skills in sneak attacks and infiltration, I have Frank distract Ted as I hide to maneuver a sneak attack against Ted by driving a Chef's Knife right into Ted's back.