ROTQM03: Return of the Quantum Monkies

[Rex Tyrannus]

All hammers turn to gold, just like losing a wonder.

 

[GreyFox]

Not a got it ... I am due to head out for dinner ... I will post a got it just before I have time to play ... well .. if that happens before pholky can play tonight.

Unlikely, so it will most probably indeed be pholky who will get the fun :<

(why in hell did I put myself on autoskip??? )

 

[pholkhero]

won't be able to play until tomorrow ~ it's all yours

 

[GreyFox]

Last time, on Retun of the Quantum Monkies ...

And this is what becomes of Bubles ...

Meanwhile, Mr Bobo was finally located admist a banana garden ...

---

Audience A: Yeah, right, what a bright place to hide. A monkie hiding in a banana garden ... the last place any apes would look for him.

---

What would become of him?

... and now, the continuation ...

------

Bananas, I love Bananas! I can eat them all day long ... hush ... what was that? Sounds like Mr Ape's new assistant. He always walk with such a big swing ... I better hide himself. Now, Mr Biblo, we don't want to be handed over to Mr Ape, do we?

---

Audience A: Who the fcuk is Mr Biblo!?

Audience A's Wife: Shut up! Isn't it obvious Mr Biblo is the banana he is holding on his hand!?

Audience A: Huh? WHo would talk to a banana, and give a name some more???

Audience A's wife: You dumbass! If Tom Hanks can talk to a volleyball and name it Mr Wilson after 10 years on an island, the monkie can damn well talk and name his banana after 1000 years of maroon! Now shut up an dwatch the movie!? * stuff popcorn into husband's mouth *

---

Why not? You ask me why not? Why, Mr Biblo, haven't you heard what they'd done with Mr Bubles? They forced him to wham those hideous human females ... those females all looked like those ugly humans on the magazines left behind by the homo sapiens we found before the war ... yes, right, those magazines with the words "Playboys" on it.

Yucks! Right, yucks! Imagine what a terrible ordeal Mr Bubbles must have gone through! Mating with these girls all day and night none stop! Worse, without any bananas!

We better go hide somewhere ... ah ... urgh ... let go of me! Let go of me!

Ape's Assistant: Alright ... but what are you doing here? For that matter, what am I doing here?

You don't know?? Hmm ... you mean you are not sent by Mr Ape to catch me?

Ape's Assistant: Catch you? Now, why would I do that?

This is puzzling ... then why are you?

Ape's Assistant: Yes, why am I here? I must have amnesia strike as well. Last that I know, the apes in the production center were affected as well. They suddenly forgot what they are building, and decided to throw the production away and starts again.

AH ... the amensia ....so you do not recall that you are here to catch me and hand me to Mr Ape?

Ape's Assistant: Why would I want to do that? No, I must be here to bring you to the war front. The war is not going well, a poop-thrower was killed by those humans ... no chance at all!

Ape's Assistant: And more humans factions are discovered. We need all the hands we have ...

All right, let's go then! Mr Teenyville it is! No, Mr biblo, battlefield is it a dangerous place, You can't go. The humans will love to spilt. They have a famous desert called Banana Spilt. I think, Mr Biblo, it's better you'd stay here.

Don't worry .... * holding his warrior club like Arnold Schwarzeneger * ... I'll be back.

---

>>> The Save 400BC <<<

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

Was that a Navy Seal vs an Archer? We're screwed. Anyhow, interesting continuation of the story. Has Bobo turned into Golum or is Fox just a bad typist?

So gentlemen, the war continues

Muster at oh-seven-thirty:

Rex Tyrannus: Dyslexics of the world: untie!
GreyFox: Chasing all the Cunning little Runts
Pholkhero: The Larry Flynt of monkey-porn.
Ruff Hi: Still hasn't gone blind doing that.
negyvenketto: Tied up, tied down, up against a wall, [Bobo's] my rubbermade baby and we can do it all.
Lobster Boy: Life, liberty, and the pursuit of more doritos.

 

[Zophos]

I think that was the Archer that's been exploring the east end of your continent, so at least it's a long way from your borders. Check the minimap in the screenshot. Hard to say why Roosevelt has that unit wandering around in Spain, though. (For the record, it wasn't me. Adding enemy uber-units right now would be the essence of unfair and un-fun. :thumbdown: ).

And, yeah, it sounds like Bobbo has developed an unhealthy attachment to his banana. (must...not...crack...joke ) Perhaps he got into the rubbing alcohol when the banana-winery didn't work out?

 

[GreyFox]

Nope, that's just a plain spanish marine.

 

[pholkhero]

or perhaps the banana winery worked out too perfectly, but the fumes from it are just too overwhelming to be done in an enlcosed space, and so Bobo has 'got the vapors' so to speak.

i'll be playing later tonight.

 

[pholkhero]

hmmm...no updated dramatis personae? what a poor GM we have! , ahh well, we'll just have to invent some . . . and get some more sub-plots moving . . .

fade in; the exterior of Mr Teeny's home.

Camera enters through the bedroom window. Mr Teeny is asleep, alone. He slowly wakens, feeling the other side of the bed.

TEENY: Ahh man! [He sits up and looks around.] Ahh! [He grabs what he was looking for: a pack of Strucky Likes. He lights one and inhales.] Ahh, love that fresh banana leaf taste! [He holds the pack at the camara.] Nothing wakes me up like a pack of Strucky Likes! [Mr Teeny smiles widely at the camera.]

Director: anndd....CUT! Great work, Teeny, Great work. This will work out great when we Timejump into a later era and can record it. But for now, it just LOOKS terrific!! We'll be back in, say....4-7 turnsets . . .

Teeny: (sarcasticly) Great, see ya then! And leave the smokes. [Everyone exits, leaving Teeny alone] This life is miserable . . . a jump forward, a jump backward, and it makes me sick! Sent out here to found a forward outpost . . . i thought that would be the start of a great military career. and what? nothing! Not one god-d@mned--

A Voice Outside Mr Teeny's Bedroom: Mr Teeny...uh, sir?

Teeny: Yes, come in Diddy Kong. What's the news?

[The door opens and in lopes Diddy Kong, a young monkey, barely of age for military service, Teeny's adjutant]

Diddy: Sir, they discovered iron, up north. (He hands Teeny a picture)

Teeny: Isn't that where the iron mine was before the last Timejump?

Diddy: Uhh...yes sir. However, Mr Chimps sent a message that i was to let you know as soon as possible that it had been discovered . . . or, uhhh, rediscovered at least.

Teeny: What did he send the slaves in on a hunch and one of them said, "Oh, would you look at that, it's a neat black metal. How cool!"?? That Chimps . . . (Teeny lets the insult fall silent in the face of his subordinate.)

Diddy: Um, yes sir. He also sent word of a human colonists' ship heading east from the nearby island.

Teeny: Yes, yes . . . and did he mention anything about the rumors I told him of, about the humans raising an army?

Diddy: He did, sir. (Diddy can barely conceal his grin.) He said "You'd know what to do."

Teeny: (Shocked) Did he?

Diddy: He even dispatched Gen Beast to help.

Teeny: (Even more shocked) DID he?!? Well, well . . . when does he arrive.

Diddy: The day after next. You know how travel is in this age.

Cut scene.

Open Scene: outside Mr Teenyville, near the eastern forests. Mr Teeny rides atop Gen Beast, speaking to the assembled troops (all infantrymen).

Teeny: Gentleman . . . blah, blah, blah . . . let's kill the bastids!!

Soldiers: HOO-HAH!!

Montage:

End scene.

Next scene opens, Mr Teeny's bedroom again. There is a knock at the door.

Diddy: Sir?

Teeny: Come in. What is it?

Diddy: Great work the other day sir!

Teeny: Thank you, Diddy. Was there anything else . . . ?

Diddy: Yes sir! We found a strange, bearded human walking the streets, preaching that a christ, a savior, would be born to lead the people . . .

He speaks of a new religion based on this man who has yet to be born.

Teeny: More human lunatic ravings. You came to me this early for that?!

Diddy: No sir! It's just that . . . the religion he wants to start . . . it seems, well, it's already been started:

[OOC: notice: he can bulb Theology in the Christian Holy City!!]

Teeny: As I said, more lunatic ravings. Send him to Mr Chimps. He seems to have an affinity for these (snidely) humans.

End Scene.



Click this strange cryptogram for the save.

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

You resurected Diddy Kong? Didn't I kill him in the first scene? Oh well. Dawn of the Dead over here in Chimpsopolis. Anyhow. Nice going with that Infantry v Archer fight. It was a toughy. Oh, and I don't see the save link in your strange cryptogram. Nevermind. It's the image. D'oh. Roster coming later (unless someone else wants to post it.) I have to go.

 

[GreyFox]

I thought pholky meant Zophos when he mentioned lazy, but I guess that applies equally to Rex as well ...

It will a waste burning any GPerson for Tech ... so, let's build a Shrine. 3 gpt is better than nothing, or we can merge him, and have him bring 2gpt and a hammer. Seems like merging makes more sense until we have more cities.

--

 

[Zophos]

I thought pholky meant Zophos when he mentioned lazy...

Hey, I resent that! Those banana-wineries don't create themselves, you know!

I'll agree that I didn't put the proper level of care and craftsmanship into the last scene I wrote. Must've spent too much time doing the actual EDIT, instead.

Therefore, I present the following meager effort by way of apology:

INT - CORNELIUS' LAB - MORNING

A large room, but messy. Two lab benches against the longest walls are covered with glassware of innumerable varieties, fish-oil-fired burners, a balance and weights, and samples of various arcane substances. The desk in the corner is similarly strewn with scrolls of papyrus, quills, inkwells, and a blotter. The window at the end of the room shows morning sun streaming across the capital city. CORNELIUS is slumped in a rolling chair, head down on the desk, snoring.

MR. CHIMPS enters through the door.

MR. CHIMPS​

(chuckles softly)Cornelius?​

CORNELIUS continues snoring. MR. CHIMPS shakes his head, pauses, and slams the door shut. CORNELIUS bolts upright.

MR. CHIMPS​

Up late again?​

CORNELIUS blinks fuzzily at MR. CHIMPS, then seems to focus.

CORNELIUS​

Um...yes, yes I was. Too much to do, as usual. And I have to do so much of it myself.​

MR. CHIMPS​

Have the assistants helped at all?​

CORNELIUS​

Yes, a bit. I don't have to clean the glassware myself, at least. (chuckles) But for the research, well, not much. Since the last Event, all the younglings have forgotten how to run simple experiments! (sighs) Well, I suppose I'm lucky they still know how to read and write.​

MR. CHIMPS​

Yes, that was fortunate. Though I could have wished they had remembered how to find Iron. It's bad enough being stuck on a planet full of backwards humans without having to rediscover our own technology. Well, we do what we can. Your memo mentioned that you had discovered something?​

CORNELIUS looks troubled, and starts shuffling through the papers on his desk, even opening and shutting drawers in the search.

CORNELIUS​

Yes...yes...where did that go? Ah! Here...no, that's the crop report. Oh, here we go.​

CORNELIUS pulls a scroll out of the jumble on the desk and hands it over. MR. CHIMPS unrolls it and stares blankly at a column of numbers. CORNELIUS begins pacing.

CORNELIUS​

I was stunned, too. The timing can't be coincidental, but -​

MR. CHIMPS​

(interrupting) Cornelius, what am I looking at?​

CORNELIUS​

What? Isn't it labelled? It's the mean sea level each month since we arrived.​

MR. CHIMPS​

(long pause)I'm busy, Cornelius. Don't make me guess.​

CORNELIUS walks over and points at a line most of the way down the column.

CORNELIUS​

Normal seasonal fluctuations for centuries...then it jumps half a meter in a month? At the same time as the last Event? And look at this. (grabs a roll of actual paper with grid markings on it) This is the last seismic trace from Station Four before the power failed during the Event. (taps the page) It's a long way off, but there was a big earthquake somewhere at around the same time. Other reports indicate unusual wave activity at the time, but nothing that caused any problems for us. It wouldn't have taken me so long to notice if any of my assistants could still do simple mathematics, but... (sighs)​

MR. CHIMPS​

So...what? The drive is causing earthquakes now?​

CORNELIUS​

I don't know. It was experimental technology, and I don't really know what happens - even theoretically - when it's activated in a gravity field like this. And it's happened twice now. Maybe we're seeing increased volcanism at the poles...that could melt a lot of ice and raise the sea level. Otherwise...I just don't know. And that bothers me.​

MR. CHIMPS​

(suddenly decisive) I'll have the scouts and the navy keep an eye out for anything unusual. Is that it?​

CORNELIUS​

For now. You'll let me know if anything turns up?​

MR. CHIMPS​

Of course. Any progress on the drive problem?​

CORNELIUS​

(looking grave) None. We're obviously getting effects out here from whatever's happening inside that storeroom, but the only thing that seems accessible from the outside is the library. The drive is completely cut off!​

MR. CHIMPS​

Well, keep at it.​

CORNELIUS nods distractedly, and MR. CHIMPS strides out.

CUT SCENE

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

Hmmm...could this be the Greater Ape of Antics hinting for us to check out the poles? Or maybe that one of the other civs built a nuclear plant with a reactor failure? Have we had any Global Warming notices? Where's Al Gore when you need him? (Hmmm, maybe he'll show up and give us the Internet.)

Anyway, well written, Z.

 

[Zophos]

Where's Al Gore when you need him? (Hmmm, maybe he'll show up and give us the Internet.)

At first I thought: in this variant, at least, the Internet has got to be the World's Most Useless Wonder (TM). But maybe not...it's not out of the question for the 'net to give you, oh, Iron Working.

 

[·Imhotep·]

That is one of the most hilarious screenies I've ever seen...

You do not see that too often - Archers carried by a Transport... *LMAO*

Keep on guys, this is the best stuff !

Imhotep

 

[Lobsterboy]

Click this strange cryptogram for the save.

Kewl! I didn't realize that you could do that!

I don't think that that transport full of troops will attack our Galleon, but we should probably dock it in Chimpsopolis just the same to be safe.

 

[Zophos]

I don't think that that transport full of troops will attack our Galleon, but we should probably dock it in Chimpsopolis just the same to be safe.

I was thinking about that, too. That transport is going to rule the waves until the monkeys can whip up a Destroyer. But I bet the AI won't think to use it offensively.

BTW - I was disappointed to find that there were no naval-related monkey names on that Mr. Monkey page (that I could find, anyway). Guess we'll have to conjure up one of our own for whatever Admiral we eventually decide is in charge of our...um...one ship.

However, when/if we finally get an air force, we just HAVE to name the commander Nikko.

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

However, when/if we finally get an air force, we just HAVE to name the commander Nikko.

Hilarious! That thing had a name? Can our air-monkeys bomb cities with poo?

 

[Lobsterboy]

BTW - I was disappointed to find that there were no naval-related monkey names on that Mr. Monkey page (that I could find, anyway). Guess we'll have to conjure up one of our own for whatever Admiral we eventually decide is in charge of our...um...one ship.

I'm actually quite disappointed that only four of the cast from Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp make that list!

Helmsman Chim-chim has taken command of the Mysterious Origin. After several hundreds, nee thousands, of years sailing around our continent, he should become fairly proficient in naval strategy!

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

Updated order of the happenings:

Rex Tyrannus: The "E" is for evil. (The R and X don't stand for anything.)
GreyFox: Stuck in Dallas, poor bastard.
Pholkhero: Almost as smart as the R.O.N.
Ruff Hi: Waiting to be shot for his Epic 9 report.
negyvenketto: Following the words of the prophet written on the subway walls.
Lobster Boy: Dodging flying monkey poo.