So, you wake up in the morning and realize you're in love with your best friend...

[Cheezy the Wiz]

What's a guy to do?


I'm normally the kind of guy who would say "well tell her moron!" but this case is different. You see, not only is she my best friend, but she's also the ex of a good friend of mine. That's where the situation gets hairier, for reasons you can see.

My dilemma is that I don't know which is more valuable to me: her friendship while I keep all this bottled up and under control, or telling her, and most likely losing my best friend, but the conflict inside me is resolved, and I can go on with my life.

Why can't this stuff be simple, you know, cut and dry?

 

[El_Machinae]

I understand.

Remember that there's a 'puppy love' stage. It usually is less accurate than the later stages of love. Might as well ride out the puppy love part out before ruining a friendship.

I've said it before; the problem with acting on your love for your best friend is that when the relationship ends (which they very well might) - you've lost a friend.

Friendships need never end; a relationship might. I would recommend riding out the puppy love stage - you know it exists.

 

[Cheezy the Wiz]

The problem is, this is the end of the puppy love stage. I've been fighting this for months. It was only this morning that I felt I needed to do something about it.

 

[warpus]

Do you think she might have similar feelings for you?

That's really the big question here, I think.

 

[El_Machinae]

You under some type of time pressure?
As well, you've been 'in love' with her for months already?
How do you know the 'puppy love' stage is over?

 

[IglooDame]

You might lose two friendships instead of one.

There's a third option - ask your friend-who's-the-ex whether he's cool with you hooking up with his ex.

 

[warpus]

Cheezy, I'm a similar situation as you then, except that the girl in question is not my best friend.. I'm not even sure what to call her.. she's important to me though.

And at the present time I'm giving her the cold shoulder treatment due to me being hurt. I'm not sure how this is going to affect our relationship, but I had to do it for my own sake.

In any case, good luck man.

 

[thetrooper]

You see, not only is she my best friend, but she's also the ex of a good friend of mine. That's where the situation gets hairier, for reasons you can see.

That's forbidden territory in my book.

 

[Cheezy the Wiz]

Do you think she might have similar feelings for you?

That's really the big question here, I think.

I don't know, apparently my interpretation of a woman's 'hints' is seriously flawed, as per personal experience.

She is 23, I am 18, going to be 19 here in about two months.

She is also my manager at work, but it's just a Ruby Tuesday, if all it took was to leave Ruby's so it wouldn't be 'against company policy' (which she's shown disregard for before, having dated another employee once upon a time), I would do it in a heartbeat.

I know women usually go for older men rather than younger men, but the guy I mentioned above was only a year older than me. If it's any more of an argument for the age thing, most people meet me and think I'm 20-21, before I tell them.

 

[Truronian]

I suggest you avoid rum and coke in the future

If you get on with this girl enough to consider her your best freind (and visa versa?), then at least you know she likes you. I'd try talking to your good freind (her ex) and ask him if he's cool with it/for advice. If he really is a freind, he'll help you.

 

[Bamspeedy]

Did your other friend (her ex) tell you exactly why they split up? Sounds like she dates quite a bit....Ok, maybe I'm saying that a little prematurely, but how many guys has she dated that you know of?

 

[Cheezy the Wiz]

This is all great, guys.

Normally her being my friend's ex would turn me away right there, and that's how I justified to myself not doing anything about it, but I don't care anymore what he thinks, I spend too much of my life worrying about what other people want and not what I want.

I think I will ask the ex first, though. Though, I might wind up playing TR to his Columbia, and just do it whether he likes it or not!

How do I know the puppy love stage is over? Well, I don't really. I've known this girl for about a year now, but I've never felt this way before.

Truronian, I came to this decision AFTER I was sober again, hehe.

 

[nc-1701]

Well being fifteen and never having had a GF I'm not really qualified to give advice, but I'de say go for it if you don't you will only feel bad later if you do and get rejected or whatever then it's over and you can work on something else.

On the otherhand she is your boss and your best friends ex and older than you a pretty bad combo if you ask me.

 

[Shaihulud]

I wouldn't let anything hold me back if i were you, do you want her or not? Even if it turn out bad, which is likely, you would have learnt valuable lessons. Just be cool about it if she doesn't reciprocrate your feelings, it wouldn't mean anything to her, you might still even maintain a tense relationship. I would assure you however that you would hate yourself for not acting on your feelings, don't worry so much about the friendship thing, its just an excuse that guys give for not acting.

 

[Cheezy the Wiz]

Did your other friend (her ex) tell you exactly why they split up? Sounds like she dates quite a bit....Ok, maybe I'm saying that a little prematurely, but how many guys has she dated that you know of?

They broke up about a year ago. That I know of, she's dated two guys since then.

 

[WerBackIII]

Take it easy...

But if she is really your best friend, you can tell her, but you won't win her.

 

[Cheezy the Wiz]

I wouldn't let anything hold me back if i were you, do you want her or not? Even if it turn out bad, which is likely, you would have learnt valuable lessons. Just be cool about it if she doesn't reciprocrate your feelings, it wouldn't mean anything to her, you might still even maintain a tense relationship. I would assure you however that you would hate yourself for not acting on your feelings, don't worry so much about the friendship thing, its just an excuse that guys give for not acting.

A friend of mine (the ex to whom I refer in this thread, actually!) told me this once, he said:

" Best friends...always have that potential to become something more. If it didn't, they wouldn't be your best friend, would they?"

Certainly ammunition in my mag, but this isn't a debate of points, it's a decision of the heart.

 

[WerBackIII]

Hehe, Now I know- If your best friend is the same sex as you, you may not told him...

 

[C~G]

You see, not only is she my best friend, but she's also the ex of a good friend of mine.
I don't know, apparently my interpretation of a woman's 'hints' is seriously flawed, as per personal experience.

She is 23, I am 18, going to be 19 here in about two months.

She is also my manager at work, but it's just a Ruby Tuesday, if all it took was to leave Ruby's so it wouldn't be 'against company policy' (which she's shown disregard for before, having dated another employee once upon a time), I would do it in a heartbeat.

They broke up about a year ago. That I know of, she's dated two guys since then.

So what were the good news again?
Why I have feeling this whole thing is labeled with "BAD IDEA" all over it. And you will be labeled after this with "handle with care".

The problem is, this is the end of the puppy love stage. I've been fighting this for months. It was only this morning that I felt I needed to do something about it.

I can remember that feeling.

As you are friends I would suggest you talk about dating with her and how she sees the subject, after gentle discussion you can move if the signs are right to the question whether she's interest or not.

I don't want to sound too rude but you should really try to get to know why the ex and she broke-up. I fear that woman has "spoiled goods" written all over her, which might be partly a bad thing and yet again good thing for you depending from various reasons especially how you want the possible relationship end up being.

But I would imagine your own perceptions about her are probably flawed as you might be quite seriously fallen for her.

 

[Panda]

You shouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole. For your own sake. I know what it's like to have the hots for a mate's ex, but zip it up.