The Llamast Jokes Thread... 3

[Fippy]

Ghosts sit around campfires and tell Chuck Norris stories.

 

[tjs282]

I'm a dyslexic agnostic. I'm not even sure there is a dog.

You think you've got it bad: I'm an insomniac dyslexic agnostic.

Spoiler :

Pondering Dog's existence actually keeps me awake at night.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

One of my drinking buddies has a studder. By the time he told us his Nana died, we were all singing 'Hey, Jude'...

 

[Uncle Sparky]

When heated, things expand.
I'm not fat. I am just very hot.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I was having a drink at the bar the other night when the server yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?"
I yelled, "I know the entire alphabet!", and everyone laughed.
... well, except that one guy.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

People cut down bird's houses to make birdhouses...

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Turning on your flashing lights and siren after you lose a drag race is poor sportsmanship.

 

[Gori the Grey]

People cut down bird's houses to make birdhouses...

There are other black birds than blackbirds.

 

[Arakhor]

A man lost three fingers on his hand and asked the doctor if he could relearn to write with it.

"Possibly," said the doctor, "but I wouldn't count on it."

 

[Gori the Grey]

If I were a lawyer interviewing a Trump associate who was pleading the fifth to every question, I would sneak in questions like:
On what day in May do you celebrate Cinco de Mayo?
Which is your favorite Beethoven symphony?
Between a bottle of wine and a fifth of scotch which would you rather have?
On what avenue in New York could Donald Trump shoot someone?

 

[Kyriakos]

Which column are you employed to support?

 

[Uncle Sparky]

My wife always makes sure she’s done her hair and make up before she enters our camping sleeping quarters.
She’s pretty in tents.

 

[Arakhor]

Why shouldn't you wear glasses when playing rugby? Because it's a contact sport.

What do politicians and nappies have in common? They should be changed regularly and for the same reason.

I used to be addicted to the hokey-cokey, but then I turned myself around.

 

[PhroX]

There was a young man
From Cork who got limericks
And haikus confused

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I'm addicted to seaweed...
Must sea kelp.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Dracula has never been rebooted...
but has been revamped.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

In Star Wars, what is a stormtrooper's favourite store?

The one next to Target.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Two fish are in a tank. One says, "You man the guns. I'll drive."

 

[The_J]

Two fish are in a tank. One says, "You man the guns. I'll drive."

You'll not laugh anymore after watching this:

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Last night I met a guy in the pub who claimed to be a famous pop star from the '80s. I didn't believe him, but he was adamant...