What's the stupidest thing you've ever heard?

[WillJ]

And I'm talking about things that you have heard aloud in person, not something you read on the Internet or saw on TV (no Bush quotes, please).

I think the stupidest exchange of words I've ever personally witnessed might have to be this (I was at a hockey arena):

"Hey honey, what's that mural there of?"
"That's Neptune, the Greek god of Mardi Gras."

Or perhaps this, at school (note that this isn't a perfect recollection):

"Wait, is London in England, or is England in London?"
"I thought England is in France."
"No, England is in Europe. France is also in Europe. London's in France."
"So what is Europe? Is it a country?"
"No, it's a continent."
"And where's Austria?"
"I heard it's down under somewhere."
"Wait, is that the place with koala bears and kangaroos and Steve Irwin?"
"Yeah."
"Hey, I heard Arnold Schwarzenegger is from Austria too."
"That's crazy! He doesn't have that funny accent. I mean, he does have a funny accent, but not like Steve Irwin's."
"Maybe they speak different dialects."
"Yeah, that's probably it."

 

[Moss]

"Can you hear now?"

Someone asking me whether or not I can hear after getting prosthetic ears... (yeah a piece of silicon does a great job in improving hearing ability )

 

[stratego]

"Can you hear now?"

Someone asking me whether or not I can hear after getting prosthetic ears... (yeah a piece of silicon does a great job in improving hearing ability )

But you heard him/her say it, so it worked!!!

 

[Mrogreturns]

In St Paul's, London (just near the wooden model of Old St. Paul's)-

Woman: "Do you suppose this carpet was here in the days of king Arthur?
Man: "It seems a little worn so you never know."

 

[Mrogreturns]

And I'm talking about things that you have heard aloud in person, not something you read on the Internet or saw on TV (no Bush quotes, please).

I think the stupidest exchange of words I've ever personally witnessed might have to be this (I was at a hockey arena):

"Hey honey, what's that mural there of?"
"That's Neptune, the Greek god of Mardi Gras."

Or perhaps this, at school (note that this isn't a perfect recollection):

"Wait, is London in England, or is England in London?"
"I thought England is in France."
"No, England is in Europe. France is also in Europe. London's in France."
"So what is Europe? Is it a country?"
"No, it's a continent."
"And where's Austria?"
"I heard it's down under somewhere."
"Wait, is that the place with koala bears and kangaroos and Steve Irwin?"
"Yeah."
"Hey, I heard Arnold Schwarzenegger is from Austria too."
"That's crazy! He doesn't have that funny accent. I mean, he does have a funny accent, but not like Steve Irwin's."
"Maybe they speak different dialects."
"Yeah, that's probably it."

To be fair, we Australians get that confused all the time too. The number of times I've forgotten myself and tried to drive to Germany..........

 

[nonconformist]

Upon being asked how a soldier would disable a Tiger tank:

"I'd throw my bayonet down the barrel, and hope it hits the people inside"

 

[Steph]

When flying from New York to Denver:
"Look, we are above Florida, I can see the ocean" (it was the Great Lakes)

 

[Turner]

That would have to be Monday afternoon in BurgerKing:

Me: I'd like three kids meal, chicken nuggets, coke to drink, with Ranch for the sauce.

Them: Okay.

At the window:

Mgr: The ranch has been recalled.
Them: Sorry, sir, we're out of ranch.
Me: Okay, bbq then.
Mgr: The ranch tastes funny. See if he still wants it.

Okay, I could have understood if the kid tried to pass of the ranch, but the manager trying to give it to me after he knew that it tasted bad.... :shiver:

This would be the Burger King at Metcalf & Johnson Drive in Merriam, KS if anyone wants to avoid the place....

 

[nonconformist]

What's ranch?

 

[DreadCthulhu]

"Ranch" refers to a type of salad dressing - though it is pretty good on french fries and chicken nuggets.

 

[MrPresident]

"I swim much better overwater."

 

[Plotinus]

I can't beat the "Europe" conversation, but I was once in the college lodge in Oxford and an American tourist asked me how to get to Salisbury. Thinking this was a college I had temporarily forgotten the existence of, I thought for a moment, and she said, "To see Stonehenge." Right. Well, it's a couple of hundred miles *that* sort of way...

Actually I have a work-mate who doesn't know very much. A story about Mars came on TV and she said, "So are there animals running around on Mars? Have we been there?" After the lunar eclipse she announced, "You know, someone told me last night that the moon doesn't actually shine with its own light! It reflects sunlight! Is that true?" - and this after a whole day of TV reports about what a lunar eclipse actually is. On another occasion I found that she hadn't even heard of Neanderthals... Oh, I could go on. Scary thing is, she usually works as a teacher. She's such a lovely person though, so she gets away with it!

 

[JohnRM]

"IMPORTANT: Read Instructions before opening the box!"

Unfortunately, the instructions were inside the box.

 

[Garbarsardar.jr]

When I was in the army, my superior officer was an ill-tempered Colonel.We were sharing the same office, and one day he had to go on a ficticious errand, and avoid the gym session...So he turns to me and says:
>>>I will be out for 15'. Dont pick up the phone except if its me on the other end...
Now there was absolutely no way to identify the caller-(the concept was unknown in Greece at the time...) without picking up, so I let the phone ring repeatedly.
20' later boss comes furious into the office and screams at me:
>>>Why the**** you dinn pick up the ******** thing? I called twice!
-Sorry sir I couldn't identify you....
>>>Bah! and they say psychiatrists are clever! I can always tell when the General is calling!!!
-.........

 

[anarchywrksbest]

My mum:
"If you fall of that wall and break your legs, DON'T COME RUNNING TO ME!"

"Just look at the dirt in your ears!"

 

[CivCube]

The stupidest things I've ever heard have come from my own mouth. This is what I said in my speech for class president in eighth grade:

"And you gotta do what's right, because, uh...that's good."

 

[privatehudson]

Well....

Up in Liverpool we have this radio show called "Hold your plums" (Don't ask) which basically has a member of the public on who have to guess a word, name or person usually from clues given. Mostly the people who go on it are a little dense, but this one...

The word in this case was Potatoes, Billy Butler (one of the presenters) began by giving various clues such as "A bike company brought them back" (Raleigh is or was a bike company in Britain, and though others brought it back first, the's the one who's better known) and so on, but no, that went right over her head.

So with a thought Billy splits the word into smaller pieces...

He begins with the clue "What goes with pans?" Which after some thought she eventually gets "pots". Unfortunately he then has to explain what a singular type of word is She gets "pot"

The then asks her "What is a short version of Thank you" (Which in Liverpool is just "Ta"), anyone could get this he thinks... Not this woman, after "Thanks" and some others I forget she FINALLY gets ta.

Finally he gives her the clue "What is on the end of your feet?" This sunk her, she went through Stockings, shoes, ankle and leg before working out Toes!

That wasn't the end of it though, despite having "Pot" "Ta" and "toes" she couldn't even put it together for a while

The final stupidity though was after finally* getting the answer her only reply was "Well if you had just said Spuds I would have got it!" (spuds is a slang term for potatoes here)

*The whole thing took more than an hour in total, the radio crew were so busy laughing that they had to switch to someone else for a while to calm down

I just thank god I'm not a Scouser

As a side note, these days in our family, whenever someone can't think of a name for a movie or similar, my dad always asks if we want the Billy Butler clues (ie the clues for the immensely thick) or the difficult clues

 

[Syterion]

Some idiots in my school-

"Wait, the Popes were Catholic, right?"

"I don't know who discovered the heliocentric theory! I know it wasn't Copernicus..."

"Is that why you wear glasses, because you're blind?"

(After reading and analyzing Romeo and Juliet for a few weeks) "What book are we reading?" The teacher, to mess with him, says, "We aren't reading a book." He looks absolutely befuddled and says, "What is this then?"(While picking up a copy of the play) The teacher says, "A play."

 

[BassDude726]

This thread is just BEGGING for some Dan Quayle quotes. For those who don't know, Dan Quayle was perhaps the dumbest person ever to serve the US government. The following quotes are actually REAL:

"[Abortion] is not an issue with the American people. It is a figment of your imagination if you think that this is an issue that is talked about a lot."

"Add one little bit on the end... Think of `potatoe', how's it spelled? You're right phonetically, but what else...? There ya go... all right!"
-- Vice President Dan Quayle correcting a student's correct spelling of the word `potato' during a spelling bee at an elementary school in Trenton.

"And it was a very good book of Rasputin's involvement in that, which shows how people that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history."
-- Senator Dan Quayle gives his opinion of the book `Nicholas, and Alexandra', to Hendrick Hertzberg of the New Republic, 9/28/88. Oh, the irony!

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."

"Unfortunately, the people of Louisiana are not racists."
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, regarding David Duke's candidacy, 10/12/90, (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

One more....

"I love California; I practically grew up in Phoenix."
(Phoenix is in Arizona)

And we all thought Bush was dumb...

 

[Inter4]

An american once told me that Venezuela was in Western Europe..