I start wondering about why the hell I do something this stupid and those kinds of questions get uncomfortable.
So what isn't stupid?
I want so much to rather be studying history than engineering.

hmm. I think it's because I've always wanted my life to be something more, to be something more than just a random person in the world. I've always wanted to be something special, and can you blame me? I think most people want the same thing. So I study history because I'm fascinated with all the civilizations and people who have done great things, and deep down I want to be one of them. And I'm not talking about a story in the local news, I've always wanted to be remember, not 100 years from now, not 500 years from now but thousands of years from now. A person people hundreds, and thousands of years from now can look up to and say "Wow, he was GREAT. He represented heroic characteristics, was intelligent, and charismatic."
Now, of course once I got to the age of about 14 I realized how unlikely that is, so since then I've decided to just study history... Deep down though, somewhere, I think I still want to make history.
I can completely sympathize with this. It's definitely dangerous to plot your life path on an idea so romantic, but it's also oddly satisfying.
History is unbelievably awesome for economists. Short institutional memories are something to loathe.
Economics was like watching paint dry for me until I recently (last 6 months or so) became interested in the relations between economics and history.
I don't know how economists can live (much less be employed) without having a strong background in history.