18 Civs; the Aztec Version

[DroopyTofu]

I love this story. It just keeps getting more and more suspensful. I find it interesting that you made "Aztecinized" names for your regions. Espesially Palinaska.

 

[MadmanOfALeader]

Palinaska? Is that named after a certain troglodite?

 

[Patricman]

It was named after the governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, who ran for vice president in the past U.S. elections.

 

[MadmanOfALeader]

Don't you think I know Sarah Palin, the third Geico caveman?

 

[BakingTheArt]

POPOL: Oh, and I founded a cool little city up in Palinaska. Even named it. It’s called Ixtapaluca.

Ah, Palinaska. Where the men are old, the children pregnant and/or mentally disabled, and the women are MILFs in $150,000 clothes.

You betcha!

EDIT:

Troglodyte: A member of a primitive race or tribe of cave-dwellers, a caveman.

I hope that wasn't a joke, or else I might spew my Mountain Dew out my nose.

 

[Harry Potter52]

Nce, i hadn't realisied his ulterior motive in naming it Palinaska

 

[micbic]

Palinaska!!! I suggest renaming Arizona to Macainona
Anyway. Very nice thread

 

[Pacifist46]

I suggest renaming Arizona to Macainona.

I like it!

 

[MadmanOfALeader]

Or Illinois to Obamatlolco.

 

[Patricman]

so, is there a timetable for the next update?

 

[BakingTheArt]

so, is there a timetable for the next update?

No, because a timetable is a sign of defeat. We must stay the course, and wait until he feels like posting!

 

[Pacifist46]

Part VIII​

1894AD​

The reinforcements make an instant impact
MONTEZUMA: Ha! Now that is war at its best! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!
VERZUMA: Well, I think it was best to move quickly. And now we have Timbuktu and Djenne back, we can concentrate on moving forwards.
MONTEZUMA: Rather than backwards, which is what Popol seemed to do.
POPOL: What I was forced to do, due to the fact that you left bugger all troops in Exmalia.
MONTEZUMA: How can it be my fault? I was in Paris, remember?
AXA: Ladies! If we could cease the arguments?
MONTEZUMA: Get lost Axa, and besides, this isn’t an argument, it’s me telling you losers what to do. Seeing as you can’t do it properly on your own.

 

[Pacifist46]

1896AD​

A trade occurs
HATSHEPSUT: Guess what?
MONTEZUMA: I’m not interested.
HATSHEPSUT: Really? I thought you always were, when blood’s involved.
MONTEZUMA: Blood? Lush! Where?
HATSHEPSUT: The seafaring nation of Egypt has discovered a large and exceedingly wealthy nation across the sea from us. And, they have a puny army.
POPOL: Yeah, that sounds believable.
MONTEZUMA: Really? That is nice going, Hattie!
HATSHEPSUT: However, I will only show you our maps if you give us your maps first.
MONTEZUMA: Yeah, whatever. Here you go. (passes maps over).
HATSHEPSUT: Thanks, Montezuma!
MONTEZUMA: Right, now where’s this big and weak empire?
HATSHEPSUT: Oh yeah.(points) Here it is, this lime green one here.
MONTEZUMA: Eh? But that’s us!
HATSHEPSUT: Oh! So it is. I should have realised. Bye! (Hatshepsut exits)

MONTEZUMA: THAT SCHEMING LITTLE . . . Gaaaaaaaah!
AXA: You got done there, sire!
MONTEZUMA: She said were puny! Unbelievable!
VERZUMA: Anyway, our troops managed to wipe out an entire Persian force, proving their worth.
MONTEZUMA: Yeah! Stupid Hattie, doesn’t have a clue what she’s on about really. She still defends her cities with Muskets.

 

[Pacifist46]

1898AD​

It’s going to be a long war
VERZUMA: It seems that a combined Persian and French force has managed to capture Elephantine for Louis.
MONTEZUMA: Bloody HELL! War is not so easy when it’s on three fronts! Send some Tanks up there.
VERZUMA: But darling, we need them to capture Kumbi Saleh.
MONTEZUMA: Well one of them is going to have to do without. So it might as well be Kumbi effing Saleh, if you know what I mean. This is a right pain.
POPOL: Yeah, Cyrus does tend to be a bit inconvenient with his tactics. No slight on you sire.
AXA: Oh, and Louis also settled another city, Rheims, on a desert hill south, so you might want to capture that some time as well.
MONTEZUMA: Or I might want to LET IT BURN! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

 

[Pacifist46]

1900AD​

And now Rome is under threat
MONTEZUMA: I’m telling you, when I roll through the gates of Persepolis in a Tank and capture Cyrus, I am gonna make him pay for every bloody minute of my time he wasted with his stupid counterattacks. And I’m pretty expensive.
VERZUMA: Very good, but what about Rome?
MONTEZUMA: Just send our Paris army across. I was gonna use it to invade Berlin, but it’s gonna have to . . .
POPOL: You were gonna declare war on Frederick? Is this a good time?
MONTEZUMA: Yeah, because Berlin’s culture is pissing me off NOW!
VERZUMA: If I could just point out that our army can’t even get to Rome without passing through Germany . . .
MONTEZUMA: You mean I have to go all the way over to Germany to force Fred to open his borders with me as well?
AXA: No, you could send me. I’m fed up of . . . I mean, I’d love to see Europe, as my stay in Paris was both brief and unenjoyable.
MONTEZUMA: No sweat Axa, I’m on the case. (Montezuma exits)

POPOL: That’s what everyone’s afraid of.

(Montezuma arrives on Berlin)

MONTEZUMA: Frederick! I wish good health upon you and your kin.
FREDERICK: And I wish upon the House of Zuma what they truly wish upon me.
MONTEZUMA: Bastard! But anyway, as long as you give me Open Borders, I’m not gonna wipe you out. Oh, and did I mention that if you see fit to refuse, such is your stubborn nature, I will likely declare war on you, and move my troops through to Rome anyway, albeit via Berlin.
FREDERICK: You did imply that.
MONTEZUMA: Good! So that’s a yes?
FREDERICK: I don’t see that I have any choice.
MONTEZUMA: No, you don’t really. But hey, that’s life. It’s unfair. Not to me though.

(Montezuma returns to Tenochtitlan)

MONTEZUMA: So what did I miss?
POPOL: Recently, or just generally?
MONTEZUMA: Don’t play smart with me Popol. Besides, I’d win any day.
VERZUMA: We managed to capture Warwick in NE Quebecacoatzl. It used to be English.
MONTEZUMA: Another score for the righteous! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!
AXA: Yeah, a negative score.

 

[Pacifist46]

1902AD​

Kumbi Saleh is recaptured
MONTEZUMA: What? I thought I told you to ignore it!
POPOL: Which was when I realised that it would be best to recapture it. It was what made up my mind, so cheers sire.
MONTEZUMA: Erm . . . no problem.

 

[Pacifist46]

1903AD​

England becomes a free state
POPOL: I hear England has decided that Cyrus is not their best ally, and has seceded from his coalition.
MONTEZUMA: Took them long enough to work out that Cyrus is a nutter.
VERZUMA: Darling, you should go and make peace, we may as well.
MONTEZUMA: Alright, alright, I’m going.

(Montezuma flies over to London)

ELIZABETH: Well, well, well . . .
MONTEZUMA: Ha! We use taps now in the Aztec Empire. And there’s more of them than you can count too.
ELIZABETH: If it isn’t the worst thing to happen to this world since Tokugawa.
MONTEZUMA: It isn’t, I’m way older than Tok. Besides, I came to make peace, so beg!
ELIZABETH: My vaults are yours, take what you can find. Oh, and one last thing.
MONTEZUMA: What?
ELIZABETH: Hattie had won by now last time. So I think that proves that women rule!
MONTEZUMA: I rule too, and a much bigger empire than mangy England. Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

 

[Pacifist46]

1904AD​

Cyrus makes a fresh surge forwards
POPOL: So first, what did you get from England?
MONTEZUMA: A fat lot! 250 Gold, plus 6 additional gold per turn and I managed a quick peek at Liz’s maps, although they don’t add much to ours.
VERZUMA: That’s pretty decent. You did well.
AXA: Yes, great effort sire.
MONTEZUMA: Thanks! Anything interesting happen over here?
POPOL: Oh, just the odd city got taken. Nothing as important as your fantastic deal with . . .
MONTEZUMA: Hoooooold on there a cotton-picking minute. Which city?
POPOL: Damn. Erm . . . it began with K.
AXA: K – S, actually.
POPOL: Axa!
MONTEZUMA: Kumbi Saleh? You better make that two cotton-picking hours! Anything else before I blow my top?
POPOL: Well Axa did something as well actually.
AXA: Bastard!
MONTEZUMA: Which involved . . .
POPOL: He’s been giving away free techs!
MONTEZUMA: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! RULE ONE, AXA! RULE BLOODY ONE!
AXA: To hell with Rule One, I thought . . .
MONTEZUMA: Never give anyone something for free, because they bloody well wouldn’t do it for you! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH, I knew you were a waste of air.
AXA: Well since you introduced your Air Tax, I now have to pay for my air, so actually, I’ve been holding my breath for the last 2 hours. I use hardly any air.
MONTEZUMA: I wondered why you were talking funny. Well what did you give away?
AXA: I merely gave Hatshepsut . . .
MONTEZUMA: HATSHEPSUT? I still haven’t forgiven that whore for that map fiasco!
AXA: . . . Rifling and Steel, to help her fight better.
MONTEZUMA: Man, every time I think I’ve seen it all, you have to go and prove me wrong. And I’m never wrong, so basically it follows that you’re an idiot. But I’ll let you off with a fine this time.
AXA: Which I can’t pay, since I’m broke. And I nearly need to take another breath . . . there, I just took one, so that’s another ten grand I owe.

 

[Pacifist46]

1905AD​

India gets in on the act
MONTEZUMA: So India took Byblos? I don’t care. I’m used to your failures by now.
VERZUMA: (mutters) At least I don’t have to put up with this for much longer.
MONTEZUMA: What?
VERZUMA: Bugger, did that slip out? Erm . . . it must have been the wind? Please?
MONTEZUMA: Oh, sorry darling.
POPOL: Hmm . . .
VERZUMA: But it’s not all bad news. Calixtlahuaca finished the Manhattan Project, so now you can bring nukes into play!
MONTEZUMA: Nukes! That is SWEET! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!
AXA: Sire, the other nations could be fairly cross if you go around using nukes like they’ve gone out of fashion.
MONTEZUMA: What? Quit chatting, Axa, nukes have just come into fashion! And I plan to nuke all Cyrus’ cities! Build me some at once!
VERZUMA: Erm . . . it would be my pleasure.
POPOL: I’m sure it would.
VERZUMA: What?
POPOL: That wind. So noisy today!

 

[Pacifist46]

1907AD​

Byblos is retaken
VERZUMA: We are in a strong position after the capture of Byblos and the landing of reinforcements in Gao. It should be possible to press on.
MONTEZUMA: About time we gained ground in this war.