advice plz:(

[Elrohir]

If she isn't that important to you, tell her to take a hike. And be sure to mention that you didn't actually cheat on her, and what actually broke up your relationship was her paranoia and endless harping.

If she is really important to you, then explain the situation calmly (Ask her before you start talking to let you finish) and ask her to please drop the subject, because nothing happened. If she doesn't believe you, or she is still being a . .. .. .. .. . about it, (I apologize for my language, but the word is apt) then dump her. If she won't drop it now when you come completely clean and ask her nicely to after telling her nothing happened, then she never will. Honestly, do you want to marry her and hear her gripe about this crap for the next fifty years? If she doesn't believe you, then drop her like a *insert idiom of your choice here*.

 

[Vietcong]

your all right, but i want to try to save it.
but i have allways had a filling she might be cheating one me..
what makes some of u think she might be??

one thing i found out about was she was at a friends, and she had a bug in her shirt. so she took her shirt off, but for whatever reasion she allso had her bra down so her boobs whear hanging out... when i asked for a explanation, i never got one.. when i explaned she chloud have just took her shirt off, and goten the bug out then put it back on.. she never did think of it.. :S
going over to "girl" friends place and some time hanging around in jsut her bra and crap.. yea shes cheating....

 

[Elrohir]

your all right, but i want to try to save it.
but i have allways had a filling she might be cheating one me..
what makes some of u think she might be??

one thing i found out about was she was at a friends, and she had a bug in her shirt. so she took her shirt off, but for whatever reasion she allso had her bra down so her boobs whear hanging out... when i asked for a explanation, i never got one.. when i explaned she chloud have just took her shirt off, and goten the bug out then put it back on.. she never did think of it.. :S
going over to "girl" friends place and some time hanging around in jsut her bra and crap.. yea shes cheating....

I think it's pretty obvious, and even you can see it now.

Really, though, people often accuse others of doing something wrong if they are doing it themselves. By keeping you on the defensive, she can keep you from accusing her, and let out all the anger she has. (Probably a lot at herself, because she's acting like a slut, and she knows it) Again, I'd suggest just dumping her. She doesn't sound like she's worth the time and energy, to me.

 

[StarWorms]

A woman who constantly accuses you of cheating is likely a cheater herself.

That's quite true actually, and it applies to anything, not just cheating.

I would honestly say dump her, or at least give her an ultimatum. If you don't have trust in your relationship, then what do you have?

 

[robo-snickers]

this always works for me...

say.. yah! yah! i did it! is that what you want to hear! i f'ed her! you hear me! i f'ed her! i f'ed the crap out of her! you hear me! is that what you want! i f'ed!!! her!!!!.... BUT i made LOVE to YOU

 

[IglooDame]

Always, always, ALWAYS be in control.

Like pets, women need to be trained, and limits have to be clearly defined if you want to maintain control and keep her respect.

When she asked for your password, you could have refused, and said that it was your personal and private space, that it is something that everyone needs, and that her request cannot be entertained.

But that is now a sunk cost. Let it go.

Having found that, instead of confessing, you could have said quite clearly that your comment was innocent, and that (this is important - it gives you both the moral high ground and the emotional control to later exploit to your advantage) she was the one who wronged you, by assuming a sexual intent while you were simply catching up with an old friend. Say that you are hurt because of this, as it shows that she does not trust you, even though you trusted her enough to give her the password. Exploit this to the hilt if necessary later in the relationship.

If you find the above advice amoral - well, I'm a bastard who knows how to manipulate people's emotions. What can I say?

But again, that is a sunk cost. Let it go.

Now that you've confessed to something you didn't do, the trust is completely gone, and you're pretty much screwed. She seems to be a she-dog anyway, so I'd suggest you both do some introspection, and talk things out. This time, be FIRM, tell the complete truth, as it is, and don't give in, whatever happens. If that doesn't work, and she doesn't reform (make it clear that that is what you expect), ditch her. In fact, given what you've posted, I'd say you ditch her anyway.

Be firm, be a man, and always, ALWAYS be in COMPLETE control.

It's funny - even I disagree with the above, and I'm in considerably more control in my home than you likely ever will be. Control is born out of mutual respect, trust, and out of both parties' desire to live in that sort of relationship. Emotional manipulation is just a paper-mache version of the real thing. But "be a man"? I know a few women that would make us both look like cowering wallflowers - trust me, control is not about what's between your legs, or what you wear.

Oh, and VietCong - I'm with everyone else here. At this point it hardly matters if she's cheating on you; her emotional manipulation of you is what you should be taking as the end of the relationship and reason enough for you to wave goodbye and never look back.

 

[Brighteye]

Smack her in the face and tell her to get a grip.

IAt this point it hardly matters if she's cheating on you; her emotional manipulation of you is what you should be taking as the end of the relationship and reason enough for you to wave goodbye and never look back.

This women is evil. I've been entangled with one like this, but wasn't unfortunate enough actually to love the twisted harpy. You need to get away as fast as you can, no matter how much you love her.

She will screw up your life. She already is screwing up your life. I know you're stuck in the middle of it, and things might not appear so bad, but once you're out and able to view it objectively, like the rest of us, you'll realise that she's broken all bounds of acceptability and there's no returning to normal.

Tell her to take a few months off if you can't end it at once. See what she says. If she whines that you're dumping her, then she's simply insecure beyond the point of paranoia, but still is not worth being with. If she happily accepts, then she's been cheating on you as well, and is still not worth being with.

 

[aneeshm]

It's funny - even I disagree with the above, and I'm in considerably more control in my home than you likely ever will be. Control is born out of mutual respect, trust, and out of both parties' desire to live in that sort of relationship. Emotional manipulation is just a paper-mache version of the real thing. But "be a man"? I know a few women that would make us both look like cowering wallflowers - trust me, control is not about what's between your legs, or what you wear.

It was meant to be a bit trollish.

But nobody fell for the masterpiece, the "Women, like pets......" line.

Even I don't agree with most of what I posted, but I do like to have these manipulative abilities in case I ever need them.

 

[Neonanocyborgasm]

well its kinda a long story, but my gf thinks i cheated on her. the thing is i never did!
she we are still together, but she keeps bringing it up and making me fill crappy about it! i tell her i love her and ill hear "well u didnt think of that when u did such and such*!!
hears the thing, i basically confessed to it, being mostly forced into it out of fear of if i say i didnt do it shell leave me for good..
here's the full story

me and a old friend of mien have been talking on my space, and i used to know her in high school. shes had 1 kid and is pregnate agin blah blah, i told her she "Looks hot" but only as a complament! nothing sexual at all!
my gf wanted my password, saying " if u have nothing to hide it will be ok".
so i did give her my password, and she found the old message. now shes full convinved i have been haveing some online afare or something!!
scared and thinking she wont bleave me, being the extreamly jelus gf she is, i was bascily forced to confes to something i didnt do! i tried telling her but she hangs up or just start yelling!

i realy need some advice on how to get her to sit down with me and talk
i am realy filling crapy, i fill like i realy did cheat with how she treats me now! i just want to get things out in the open and talk to her... and want her to know that im NOT a cheater!

It's suspicious that you chat with a girl on myspace and tell her she's hot. If I had a girlfriend who did that, I'd probably dump her or at least demand she close her myspace account. Btw, you do realize that myspace's only purpose is for people to hookup?

In this case, however, I believe your best course of action is to do nothing. Your girlfriend is trying to generate drama in order to intimidate you into an inferior position in the relationship, one where she will call the shots. If she was really outraged, why hasn't she broken up with you for cheating? You are best served by ignoring her drama and carrying on as usual. It will show her that you're not intimidated by her. If you keep trying to appease her for something you never even did, her demands will later increase, until you are little more than her lackey. At this point, she will lose respect for you as a man and have sex with your best friend.

Women occasionally carry on like this in a relationship. It's a device called a "S--t test." Basically, a woman wants to know that her man is strong and secure so she will periodically demand a demonstration by trying to gain control of the relationship. She will make demands that are somehow demeaning to the man. If the man gives in to the demands, her respect for him will be lessened. If he shrugs off the demand, or stands up to her, her respect for him is maintained. You can tell if you are in this dynamic if the woman relents quickly after being opposed. Essentially, the whole process is a bluff by the woman and she is hoping that her man is of strong character and will stop her.

EDIT: Oh, and also she might be cheating on you and is hoping to setup a situation where she has a moral high ground.

 

[Bill3000]

It was meant to be a bit trollish.

But nobody fell for the masterpiece, the "Women, like pets......" line.

Even I don't agree with most of what I posted, but I do like to have these manipulative abilities in case I ever need them.

I'm pretty sure that if you have to stick to any manipulation in order to make a relationship solid, then there's a fundamental problem.

 

[IglooDame]

It's suspicious that you chat with a girl on myspace and tell her she's hot. If I had a girlfriend who did that, I'd probably dump her or at least demand she close her myspace account. Btw, you do realize that myspace's only purpose is for people to hookup?

In this case, however, I believe your best course of action is to do nothing. Your girlfriend is trying to generate drama in order to intimidate you into an inferior position in the relationship, one where she will call the shots. If she was really outraged, why hasn't she broken up with you for cheating? You are best served by ignoring her drama and carrying on as usual. It will show her that you're not intimidated by her. If you keep trying to appease her for something you never even did, her demands will later increase, until you are little more than her lackey. At this point, she will lose respect for you as a man and have sex with your best friend.

Women occasionally carry on like this in a relationship. It's a device called a "S--t test." Basically, a woman wants to know that her man is strong and secure so she will periodically demand a demonstration by trying to gain control of the relationship. She will make demands that are somehow demeaning to the man. If the man gives in to the demands, her respect for him will be lessened. If he shrugs off the demand, or stands up to her, her respect for him is maintained. You can tell if you are in this dynamic if the woman relents quickly after being opposed. Essentially, the whole process is a bluff by the woman and she is hoping that her man is of strong character and will stop her.

EDIT: Oh, and also she might be cheating on you and is hoping to setup a situation where she has a moral high ground.

Wow, I am SO glad that I'm in a relationship where bluffs and testing aren't in the dynamic.

 

[dcbandicoot]

I would switch the password on your MySpace. Never give it back to her. Tell her you didn't cheat. (This will likely make you look bad for a short amount of time). Tell her you've put up with the BS over one comment for long enough.

If she won't believe or trust you, then it's time to dump her. Sorry.

 

[Masquerouge]

what i did was admit i was wrong, said sorry, and admited to something i didnt do!

Terrible mistake here.

im just sick of filling guilty, like i did wrong, of constantly being buged about it, and so on.. she thinks im a chater, but i never did. i dont want her to think that or bleave that..

just talk to her, tell her you said you didn't cheat, tell her you're tired of her accusing you, and be prepared to cut it if she doesn't want to stop.

I mean, NOBODY is forcing you to STAY with someone you're not happy with.

 

[StarWorms]

just talk to her, tell her you said you didn't cheat, tell her you're tired of her accusing you, and be prepared to cut it if she doesn't want to stop.

I mean, NOBODY is forcing you to STAY with someone you're not happy with.

I'd like to add onto this that if she has been cheating, she may well continue, so keep a close eye on her. But to be honest, if she can't accept your word that you haven't been cheating, then she doesn't trust you, and is probably cheating herself. If she does accept that you haven't been cheating, then maybe she hasn't been cheating afterall.

 

[dcbandicoot]

Yeah, I'm going to revise my earlier statement. You didn't exactly give her a reason to trust you when you confessed to something you didn't do. Granted, she cast the first stone by demanding your MySpace PW, but you need to come clean. Now.

If it's unfixable from there, then dump her. If it's not, then you need to figure out some way to regain that trust (both of you!) and soon.

 

[Angst]

I can't stand these kind of girls. She is actually exactly like my female cousin! (lots of teenage grumbling + swearing etc etc) She made life miserable for her boyfriend (Which is my best friend btw) as she said he was cheating on her constantly, didn't allow him to go to parties, wanted to stay in contact (That is, messaging constantly, driving him insane... When he shut down his mobile phone for 10 minutes or such, she would send about 12 messages, in which the last one says: "What is wrong, don't you love me anymore, why don't you answer or are you together with another girl." Seriously dude, that type is:

A Cheating on you
B According to your newest story, not very related to you emotionally
and therefore
C Using you as a pet

D U M P her.

 

[Neonanocyborgasm]

Wow, I am SO glad that I'm in a relationship where bluffs and testing aren't in the dynamic.

Not anymore anyway.

 

[WerBackIII]

Tell her the truth and meet her with that old friend!

 

[IglooDame]

Not anymore anyway.

Oddly enough, I don't think my wife and I were ever really at that point. We're both quite firmly in the "no relationship games" camp, and as we were friends before we took the relationship on to the next step, there wasn't really even an opportunity for that kind of stuff.

Life is tough enough without worrying about the person you share your life with - inducing little contests between you is making life unnecessarily tougher, unless you happen to like playing those kinds of games (and I've met people who do - more power to them, but I'd never enter into a relationship with one).

 

[Neonanocyborgasm]

Oddly enough, I don't think my wife and I were ever really at that point. We're both quite firmly in the "no relationship games" camp, and as we were friends before we took the relationship on to the next step, there wasn't really even an opportunity for that kind of stuff.

Life is tough enough without worrying about the person you share your life with - inducing little contests between you is making life unnecessarily tougher, unless you happen to like playing those kinds of games (and I've met people who do - more power to them, but I'd never enter into a relationship with one).

I've been looking for a cool chick like that for years and have never found one that wasn't already taken. It's one of those needle in a haystack quests.