Are you a Nice Guy who can't seem to get a date because you're too nice?

[The_J]

Your last sentence is correct. And Hobbsyoyo and Hygro are correct, as well. [...]

Guess I have to go a bit more conscious through my life.
Was my new years resolution, might have to do even more.

And depending on the circumstances (at least in the US), a women asking you to coffee is an invitation to have sex, usually when asked after a date.

...well...I'm not *that* ignorant, thanks .

... Wait, reading the flowchart - what's the issue with using the term "friendzone"? Am I using it wrongly? Why must I use it ironically?

For example, if I flirt with someone for a whole night, and she ends up telling me that she's not interested and wants to be friends, how am I not friendzoned?

Do I no good English speak ?

The whole term implies that she willingfully turned you down, despite the fact that she would be attracted to you.
Which is BS (for 99% of all cases, probably; let's not generalize to broad).
In your example you just had no chance at all, because she was not attracted. Period. It's not so that she just let a chance vanish, but rather that there was never a chance.

 

[Hygro]

That's true, but the agricultural impact on human evolution has only had a couple thousand years to affect us. That's gotta have a bit of an influence on our biology, but not much.

We were primates living in forests, swinging around trees for millions of years, and then (and I'm not sure how long this went on for exactly but I think it was a significant amount of time) ventured out onto the savannah and began hunting and living in packs.

The dynamics changed then, when we abandoned living in the trees and eating fruit, and then we abandoned hunting in packs, and the dynamics changed again, but those 2 first periods, and all the ones before them, lasted millions of years. Agriculture and basic technology is fairly new compared to that and we must be very slowly moving away from those .. sorts of urges that our ancestors used to display, but I don't think enough time has passed for them to no longer play a major role in how we interact with eachother, members of the opposite gender, and how we mate. Cause really, that's why we're all here: to find a mate and get it on .. biologically speaking, that urge is one of the strongest we have

I may have misrepresented my point about agriculture, because I was using that as a dramatic example of a preexisting biological possibility, not a cause of one.

We've had had upward millions, and reasonable at least 80,000 years of evolution to realistically nullify the existence of human alpha males. My point of resources and sticking out applies even more to hunter gatherer tribes. Few can overpower the one, with ease. Selfish acquisition of resources are a danger to human tribes as a whole and are easily mitigated. It would then be reasonable that the women who preferred the men who fit into the mold would be more successful in continuing their line. We've had many thousands to millions of years of time to have potentially evolved that nature.

 

[caketastydelish]

Not everyone is unprepared to deal with a size disparity.

Indeed. I'm not afraid she's going to rape me, I'm afraid she's going to reject and/or mock me.

 

[TomYo689]

When I was younger I would be annoyed when girls in school said 'ur so tall'

 

[Gary Childress]

I know, this is buzzfeed and all, but these silly comics and flow chart express a good principle I think.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/hnigatu/13-reasons-why-nice-guys-are-the-worst

What do you think OT? Are you a nice guy who thins girls are jerks who just want the proverbial BAD GUYS? Do you suspect there may be truth in these silly internet memes, and that perhaps the NICE INTERNET GUY shtick is in fact, not so nice?

What do you think about this phenomenon, or the perception thereof?

Loved the site above. I think it really hits things on the head from my perspective. I think the really nice guys out there are the ones women snatch up almost immediately. Those of us who used to sit around and complain about all the "jerks" out there getting all the women were pretty much self delluded from my experience.

I suppose we all get what we deserve in life, unfortunately for some of us perhaps.

 

[caketastydelish]

When I was younger I would be annoyed when girls in school said 'ur so tall'

Maybe you got annoyed when they whispered that to each other, but I'm not annoyed by it in the least, in fact I'm flattered. The point is, I don't know how to start talking to them because 1) I'm not 100% sure she was talking about me and 2) I don't know what to say.

 

[Valka D'Ur]

Oh I know, but since The_J didn't seem to even get the basic underlying meaning of 'hey, wanna get some coffee', I felt behooved to lay out the other meaning of it.

Gotta help a brother out.

No problem.

 

[Farm Boy]

The whole term implies that she willingfully turned you down, despite the fact that she would be attracted to you.
Which is BS (for 99% of all cases, probably; let's not generalize to broad).
In your example you just had no chance at all, because she was not attracted. Period. It's not so that she just let a chance vanish, but rather that there was never a chance.

I am under the impression that the term friendzoned means that the lady of interest knows that the male is interested in her but does not reciprocate. In an act of (possssssibly) unthinking cruelty she adds him to her list of frequent companions, makes requests, lets him do favors, all in what should (sometimes)obviously be attempts at winning her romantic interest. If it's done in ignorance its obliviously hurtful. If it's done knowingly it's borderline evil. This can be done by men as well as women, but it's less a commonly referred to thing that way.

 

[TomYo689]

I mean like it's an awkward thing to randomly say to someone. I'm not talking about a whisper to somoene else. I'd get smacked if I walk around saying yo nice rack girl

 

[Phrossack]

I thought friendzoning was when a girl turns down a guy because they're already friends and she doesn't want to date him or change that relationship.

 

[Gary Childress]

I am under the impression that the term friendzoned means that the lady of interest knows that the male is interested in her but does not reciprocate. In an act of (possssssibly) unthinking cruelty she adds him to her list of frequent companions, makes requests, lets him do favors, all in what should (sometimes)obviously be attempts at winning her romantic interest. If it's done in ignorance its obliviously hurtful. If it's done knowingly it's borderline evil. This can be done by men as well as women, but it's less a commonly referred to thing that way.

When I was younger I used to complain about the "friend" thing also. That was also probably linked to the "we're so nice, why don't women like us" delusion. Women seem to have an instinct for when to keep a guy at a safe distance. Like I said above, looking back with 20/20 hindsight and experience, the really nice guys practically had to fend off women with a stick if they wanted to remain bachelors. Most women seem to instinctively know when a guy is good mating stock. I know I wasn't but somehow through good fortune I survived youth!

 

[caketastydelish]

I mean like it's an awkward thing to randomly say to someone. I'm not talking about a whisper to somoene else. I'd get smacked if I walk around saying yo nice rack girl

Even if she just flat out faced me at point blank and said "you're so tall" I wouldn't be offended in the least. It's sort of a cheesy compliment, but nothing offensive or obscene about it. If she said "that's a pretty big bulge in your pants", that might be a bit different.

 

[Hygro]

Even if she just flat out faced me at point blank and said "you're so tall" I wouldn't be offended in the least. It's sort of a cheesy compliment, but nothing offensive or obscene about it. If she said "that's a pretty big bulge in your pants", that might be a bit different.

Cakes my man, meet Neomega. I believe he tried to gain your acquaintance earlier.

If you are 6' 2", you have no reason to be afraid of women. Jesus dude.... ....you should have slicked your hair back, smiled and said, "yes, yes I am!" Even if they weren't talking about you, it would be funny enough to get a conversation started.

Cake, here's the secret to succeeding at things that knock you paralyzed with inhibition or even fear. Get playful.

Ever get really tired and you start saying nonsensical goofy things, or maybe really witty things that just pop into your mouth before they pop into your mind? Like that.

 

[caketastydelish]

...I always thought girls usually hated it when guys do that?

 

[Hygro]

why so?

 

[caketastydelish]

Because they think guys that do that are obnoxious or otherwise harassing them?

 

[TomYo689]

If the girl likes you she'll probably be glad to hear you. As long as what's said isn't too out there

 

[caketastydelish]

getting them to like me is the trick.

 

[Mise]

Because they think guys that do that are obnoxious or otherwise harassing them?

These particular girls might think that, or they might not. It's up to you if you want to find out for sure.

Sent from a phone, apols for any mistakes.

 

[Mise]

Was I being that specific, really, though?

I will persist to claim that the same evolutionary pressures that were affecting us back when we were living in groups on the savannah, hunting in packs, affect us now. There is more stuff piled on top, but those basic urges towards the other sex should remain to some degree. And a big part of that has parallels to the nice guy vs alpha male dynamic, which is what I was alluding to.

How much of an effect? I dunno, but it's gotta be there.

Yes it is a specific claim. You're saying that women in the EEA were attracted to "alpha males". You're saying that "alpha maleness" is hereditary. You're saying that alpha maleness increased the chances of offspring survival. You're saying that this persisted through 100,000 years of socialization. And you're saying that alpha maleness as we understand it today, in the context of this thread entails the same behavioural traits as it would have done back then. And you're saying all of this without even the faintest scrap of evidence!! This is nothing more than a "God did it" creation story.

The only thing that's not specific is the evidence to support it. All you've said is monkeys do this and David Attenborough does that and we're animals and then somehow that means that any crazy evolutionary theory must be taken seriously. Because any narrative invented on the spot to explain anecdotes about dating that has some reference to monkeys and evolution must be true! This isn't science and masquerading it as "evolution" is not only intellectually dishonest, it also risks undermining people's confidence in the very real science of anthropology and evolutionary theory.

Come on, you wouldn't accept this BS from a creationist or someone who thinks that blacks evolved with lower average IQs than whites because selecting for physical traits was more important in deadly animal-infested Africa than in safe, green Europe. Why spout this equally spurious twaddle about alpha males?

Sent from a phone, apols for any mistakes.