Are you a Nice Guy who can't seem to get a date because you're too nice?

[downtown]

I know, this is buzzfeed and all, but these silly comics and flow chart express a good principle I think.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/hnigatu/13-reasons-why-nice-guys-are-the-worst

What do you think OT? Are you a nice guy who thins girls are jerks who just want the proverbial BAD GUYS? Do you suspect there may be truth in these silly internet memes, and that perhaps the NICE INTERNET GUY shtick is in fact, not so nice?

What do you think about this phenomenon, or the perception thereof?

 

[Crezth]

The internet nice guy phenomenon largely consists of people who are losers/creepoids who need to justify why they keep losing and creeping.

Being in engineering I run into a disconcerting number of these types on a good basis and boy, if you think you're a "nice guy" and yet you keep agitating about how much women (those foolish, foolish women) don't have sex with you, jesus christ sequester yourself away from humanity (or like see a shrink).

 

[dutchfire]

Scrolling down the page, there is a flowchart to see if you are a nice guy.
One of the questions is "Do you own a fedora?"
I thought they meant fedora, the linux based operating system. I thought it was a bit of a weird question.

I guess this tells enough about me.

 

[LamaGT]

Scrolling down the page, there is a flowchart to see if you are a nice guy.
One of the questions is "Do you own a fedora?"
I thought they meant fedora, the linux based operating system. I thought it was a bit of a weird question.

I guess this tells enough about me.

I didn't know what a real fedora is either, I think that's because we aren't native English speakers.

 

[Patroklos]

The only consistent thing about all your dissatisfying relationships is you.

In the end I find those suffering this syndrome are either ugly, boring, or awkward. Maybe all three. Nearly every dude I know has been at least one of those things a some point in their lives with the predictable results. Myself definitely included. Everyone gets their slut phase, just hang in there little root and hit on fat chicks until then.

Girls go through the same thing only it applies to them being able to get boyfriends, they can always get sex. That's why you should have been nice to the less than pretty girls in high school, most of them will have their day and women remember. And by remember I mean be nice to you and maybe give you the priviledge of buying them dinner, they still won't sleep with you if you are a "nice guy."

Oh, and http://www.laddertheory.com/

 

[Luckymoose]

There are also "nice gals" that do the exact same thing. I'd never put the blame on one side or the other. We're all a bunch of idiots missing opportunities.

 

[TomYo689]

Imagine if people were always nice to you how would you be able to tell them to go away? I believe it's the responsibility of the self-identified nice guy to realize where their relationships are going

 

[Lord of Elves]

Oh, and http://www.laddertheory.com/

I stopped reading after "as far as intellectual whores can determine, the average female [female dog] has a rating system that looks like this..." I understand the existence of this particular school of thought (the "ladder theory"). Not certain what the author was trying to accomplish when he wrote this, though.

EDIT: Nevermind, I kept reading. Now fairly convinced it is a parody of "nice guy" thought.

 

[Cheezy the Wiz]

Nope. I used to be a nice guy, but then I figured out that being a kind and confident guy was far more satisfying. And far more successful. Now I don't care who I offend, I just don't try to go out of my way to do it.

 

[BornInCantaloup]

From Kant:
It is not enough to perform an action that happens to be moral to act morally.
To act morally, one must perform the action because it is moral. Morals aren't a welcome addition/coincidence/whatever.
-> The intention rather than the action holds the quality of moral/immoral.
-> Is the point nice guys seem to be missing.

 

[Evie]

I'm mostly in the same vein as Cheezy. I used to be a "nice guy" (really a socially stunted guy who tried to get somewhere by being "nice" to girls and thinking that would work).

Though I'm not sure I ever really expected sex in return for niceness. Thought one might, eventually, lead to the other,perhaps, but not as a "I'm nice, now you owe me". More as a "If I'm nice, maybe one of them will be interested in me." Not that it worked any better. But still, no significant expectations. No "I'm nice, so you owe me this."

Now I much prefer playful humor as a way of getting noticed (followed by asking them out once I have their interest, though I'm still working on keeping my fear of rejection in check for that part.)

 

[hobbsyoyo]

Everything Crezth said.

One of the comics had a scene where a guy asked 'Why do they always go for those jerks' and his friend said, 'cause those jerks asked them out'. If you want to go on a date, it starts with you asking her, not with you fantasizing about it and building it up until you can't handle the level of intensity you've elevated the simple question too.

It's not a big deal, stop guessing yourselves.

 

[emzie]

"Women never date nice guys like me...

... I hate those bleeping bleeps."

That is basically every self-proclaimed nice guy I've met. Nice guy tends to be short hand for misogynist creep who hasn't figured out the world does not owe him a girlfriend.

 

[WindFish]

Most internet nice guys are members of r/PUA and r/MRA.

 

[Oruc]

I consider myself a dickhead really.
I don't see the reason for such a harsh objection to "nice guys" though, treating a lass you actually like better then others would seem obvious and being annoyed that they only see you as a friend would seem a normal response to me (do internet nice guys hang around women that aren't interested in them for years?).
Never went out of my way for a lass myself though.

 

[Arwon]

The existence of nice people who are in relationships or pick up regularly should be prima facie evidence that the whole idea is bollocks, but then this sort of dude is remakably oblivious.

 

[Cheezy the Wiz]

"Women never date nice guys like me...

... I hate those bleeping bleeps."

That is basically every self-proclaimed nice guy I've met. Nice guy tends to be short hand for misogynist creep who hasn't figured out the world does not owe him a girlfriend.

See, I was never the closet misogynist type of nice guy who thinks the world owes him a girlfriend, and a girl owes him sex because he was nice to her. I was this guy:

More deserving of pity than scorn. I put it on a pedestal and worshiped it. Really embarrassing, looking back on it, but then again I was young and inexperienced, driven only by the desire not to be "that" guy who dated a girl for the sex. It might have almost worked, had I not also been extremely boring to any girl I actually fancied, and thus squandered the one thing I had going for me.

 

[cybrxkhan]

What if I tend to be relatively pleasant and nice not because I don't want to get girls but because I really don't care about attracting,or want to attract, girls I wouldn't really be attracted to in the long run anyhow? (Edit: i.e. I'm nice just becaues I feel like it, not because I want some hot coffee action)

Maybe overthinking things much.

 

[useless]

I don't see the reason for such a harsh objection to "nice guys" though, treating a lass you actually like better then others would seem obvious and being annoyed that they only see you as a friend would seem a normal response to me (do internet nice guys hang around women that aren't interested in them for years?).

I'm pretty sure i'd be annoyed with someone if they were only being nice just to get into my pants. Sorry dude, if she/he isn't into you, you can't make him/her like you in that way. You can't force someone to be attracted to you, the fact that this isn't realised by "nice guys" is pretty creepy.

Let's be honest here, it's not the woman they're interested in, it's the sex.

 

[Evie]

Cheezy - yeah, that would be more the sort of nice guy I used to be, too.