Ask a Girl

[Prince_Imrahil]

Yes, it is. But when you have them attracted to you, then what to do? That is the hard part. Especially if you're not a good conversationalist with people you don't know well.

So how do you become a good conversationalist? A previous thread listed that 26 some odd % of topics here at CFC were appropiate for a date, but from a girl's unique perspective, what would you find as good conversation material, say, if you or said date were generally shy about conversation?

 

[Eran of Arcadia]

Hey, we have enough "how to get a girl threads" dominated by men, let's ask GT things she can answer.

Like, um, what's with all the pairs of shoes? Wait, that's horrible.

Okay, have you noticed girls who try to fit certain stereotypes?

 

[Whomp]

So how do you become a good conversationalist? A previous thread listed that 26 some odd % of topics here at CFC were appropiate for a date, but from a girl's unique perspective, what would you find as good conversation material, say, if you or said date were generally shy about conversation?

Who, what, why, when, where, how are all good starters.

 

[Homie]

So how do you become a good conversationalist? A previous thread listed that 26 some odd % of topics here at CFC were appropiate for a date, but from a girl's unique perspective, what would you find as good conversation material, say, if you or said date were generally shy about conversation?

Its not about material. It's just that for some people, conversation just doesn't flow naturally unless you know the person well.

 

[Desmond Hawkins]

Warpus you don't have to take my advice but this is a classic "takeaway" situation. You've used it and it's when she came back. Don't play a lot of games but make sure she's aware that you are "the man" and she's not getting it without a fight. The date is a really good start and she should somehow be aware of the situation.

However, if she is going away for a long time and if it may be his last chance, he perhaps should just take up her most recent "signals". He doesn't have to be a lapdog about it, but perhaps he shouldn't wait too long.

@Warpus: I was in a very similar situation for a while. Not quite that close, but still close. I also found that once I had accepted that it could never happen, I suddenly got a newfound power over things.

 

[Narz]

Something tells me this is going to be too much for the poor girl to handle.

That's what they said what they said about my girlfriend.

 

[Whomp]

However, if she is going away for a long time and if it may be his last chance, he perhaps should just take up her most recent "signals". He doesn't have to be a lapdog about it, but perhaps he shouldn't wait too long.

@Warpus: I was in a very similar situation for a while. Not quite that close, but still close. I also found that once I had accepted that it could never happen, I suddenly got a newfound power over things.

She's using the same "takeaway" by saying she's going away. I'll be interested to hear what a girls take is on this because she's sent all the signals but continues to take it away. I think the date with the ex is his own version of the same.

 

[warpus]

Cuddleb|tch or merely intellectual whore? YOU DECIDE!

She is soo using you, what a female dog she is.

She may not have realised that she was using him - she probably thought he liked being a cuddleb|tch.

I thought about that.. We haven't really cuddled all that much though.. it was $%@&&!!&! amazing that one time we did do it.. because we were almost naked.. and stuff.. but if she's been using me for cuddling, then she hasn't really been doing such a good job of it There's been that 1 intense night and a bit of touching here and there, but usually we just feed off our positive energies. They come out when we're together.

She's had a lot of gay friends, probably because she can get close to them knowing that nothing will ever happen. Personally.. I think she needs to be loved, but doesn't want the comittment. Loved/cared for. I asked her if she thought I was gay or something.. and nope.. but she did say that she didn't think anything like this could develop.. I think it's her low self esteem.

EDIT: She's also very nice to me.. all the time.. she buys me stuff, she does things for me. If she's using me for anything, she's been paying for it.. I really don't think that is it.

Warpus you don't have to take my advice but this is a classic "takeaway" situation. You've used it and it's when she came back. Don't play a lot of games but make sure she's aware that you are "the man" and she's not getting it without a fight. The date is a really good start and she should somehow be aware of the situation.

She's aware of the situation.. she heard about the other girl through the grapevine, and I told her about it myself after our "never" talk.. I said we're just friends, but we have been seeing eachother, spending time together.. and that there is a lot of chemistry. I didn't say much else.

And speaking of chemistry, there is definiately a lot of chemistry between me and the current girl.. it all came back after the 'never' talk, things got a lot more comfortable.

Her birthday is coming up, on the 20th. I have been talking to her best friend about it - we want to organize the best %&@@&!ing birthday for her. I am even baking her a cake - something I have never done in my life. Wish me luck

Her boyfriend willb e coming and I've already communicated that I don't care that he's here.. last time he came to visit I sorta blew them both off and told her I don't want to be spending time with him.. ever. So I think that's a nice gesture - and I hope I get through the day ok He might be a bit awkward when he's here, but that's just going to play into my hands.. whatever that means.

I have been cool about this lately.. it just got so emotional and so crazy for me for a while that I feel I could deal with anything. I don't know what she's feeling, but I'm all relaxed. that's why there is all this chemistry, I think.. I just have this smooth "I don't care" attitude, but at the same time I do seem to care because I look after her. I know her likes, wants, needs, and I will make sure that she's doing ok. So if that's what you mean by 'the man', then I'm on the right track.

I just talked to the new girl and she ditched me on thursday for another guy "it's not serious, don't worry about it".. hmm.. apparently she thought that in a fight between herself and the other girl, that she would lose. This may be true, but she thought she had no chance at all.

So I gave her some hope. I think she just wanted to stir some $%@ up with this new guy.. plus we both knew there would be other people.. she's not ready to comit..

damn girls and comittment! in the interests of staying on topic, I must ask why it is so hard for girls to commit.

However, if she is going away for a long time and if it may be his last chance, he perhaps should just take up her most recent "signals". He doesn't have to be a lapdog about it, but perhaps he shouldn't wait too long.

She'll be here for another 4 months at least, for school. Then the most logical move would be a move home to her parents, unless she could find a job here for 4 months, before school... which she hinted at too.

It's her birthday on the 20th and her boyfriend will be here. so I'm just going to ride this thing out and see what happens. I'll let her approach me about spending time together and play things as they come. She left some Bailey's in my fridge, so she will be back here to claim that at some point. If she really meant to send those signals, then there will be more, and she knows she has to make them more.. evident.

@Warpus: I was in a very similar situation for a while. Not quite that close, but still close. I also found that once I had accepted that it could never happen, I suddenly got a newfound power over things.

It is a good feeling indeed.. I didn't know this was possible

 

[shortguy]

Incorrect. Perfection is instant

[Michael Scott]That's what she said![/Michael Scott]

 

[warpus]

She's using the same "takeaway" by saying she's going away. I'll be interested to hear what a girls take is on this because she's sent all the signals but continues to take it away. I think the date with the ex is his own version of the same.

Yeah, now that I've thought about this whole "takeaway" thing, it appears to be a version of that. It was just mentioned in passing, nto to me, but I was right there, sitting facing her, basically. I was involved in the conversation, but not that particular tangent.

I wonder if all this is her sensing what I'm sensing, sending her own signals, and I'm not making a move.. so she gets confused and discouraged. And that's what she's been trying to tell me lately with this passive "something needs to happen" bit. I could be reading into that, but it really feels like it was directed at me.

Maybe I could really make a move, one of these times when it "feels right" and just run with it. But this could totally backfire and ruin our entire friendship, and she could easily use the "but we had that talk, remember! we agreed it would never happen" thing as a defense. and "but I have a boyfriend"

Any girls got advice? Do I trust my feelings, or the cold hard evidence that I've been presented with.. which are the words "It will never happen" ?

She already said that cuddling will happen.. if I want it to. Is this something I might have to potentially do as a stepping stone? Might this be something she might want to do first, psychologically, before she is ready for something more?.. ie. something sexual?

 

[Bad Player]

What's her boyfriend like? Does he fit the outlaw biker category?

 

[Peri]

Does it irritate you that usually men are so clueless about women?

 

[chinesefireball]

I've asked every girl I know, and another female perspective wouldn't be bad. What would be the youngest age that you would get married? I ask because I hear over and over from my family and others that I and my girlfriend are much too young to get married. Not that I have made any plans, but I'm just interested in knowing as all.

For me the absolute minimum is after I finish university - so I would be 21 then

And a follow up quest unrelated to the last one :

Do women understand women?

and what do you girls talk about on the phone ??????
A guy phone conversation usually lasts 30 seconds or less while you gals talk for hours and hours!

I understand other women to a certain extent - but most of the time I think they are being absolutely rediculous.

warpus: I don't think the girl is using you - essentially she see you as a great guy with the occasional benefits.

I had a guy friend who I really enjoyed hanging with, lots of mucking around (i.e. water fights, wrestling - nothing sexual), and all our mutual friends took it as flirting (as did he). I was completely clueless (I normally am on things like that). So when I got with another guy he was quite upset - and only then did I discover that he liked me. And that was essentially the end of our friendship - I mean we still talk occasionally, but nothing like we use to, which kinda upsets me. Note: I did sort of consider think about wheter he would be boyfriend material, he was boarderline - in the end no (if he ever asked me)

So your situation could have been something like that, but with your cuddling she doesn't really have the excuse to be clueless. More really good friends with some benefits thrown in.

If you are happy with it - I say keep it. You mentioned you wanted some more controll in where the relationship was heading - the only way I can think of you doing that without pushing yourself onto the girl is by saying no to cuddling (but since that is occasional, well it may not really work)

In short I'm not really sure - but I think it is brilliant what you are doing for her birthday

 

[Steph]

Breast size = 34C

34cm? You really aren't fat!
What is that in a civilized unit of measurement

 

[Golden Touch]

Since you have had a bad experience of chatting with American men percieving you British chicks as wanton.What is your perception on American women since we are playing with stereotypes?

American women? well I've only really been to Florida as my stepdad was working out there for a while. I thought they were exceptionally nice but boring stupid women. sorry. I'm sure there are smart ones but I really cant get past the accent.

Why is it that 99% of the women that I meet are all taken?! Arent there ANY single good looking women out there?

Not all woman are taken. Could well be that your being too picky. You dont have to think this is a woman I could marry just to date her. Go have some fun, might find you like woman that you would never normally be interested in. Or it could be they are all lying to you sorry, we do that.

1. I don't know if or what you do for a living, however, do you feel that the workplace is a level field? Or is there still gender discrimination?

2. Does size matter? Kind of a classic question, I know. How small is too small and how big is too big?

3. Do you think you have a grasp of the generic male 'fear of commitment'? That fear that men seem to have that if they get married then the very next day Cindy Crawford will try and make out with them at a picnic.

Thank you for letting us badger and harass you!

1.I'm still a student and I've only really worked in bars/restaurants in which if anything women get the better deal so I cant really comment on this one.
2.Yes it matters, but not as much as you think. Too small is when you cant tell its in use, too big is when you want to scream because it hurts. Anything inbetween is good to go, its how you use it. Width is more important than length I would say.
3. I know it exsists but I cant pretend to understand it. As I said to Abaddon when I was trying to get him to make an honest woman out of me 'its not like you have to bloody marry me I'm not going to be the last woman you sleep with! I just want a little commitment!'. men.

and your more than welcome. I'm really enjoying this!

And a follow up quest unrelated to the last one :

Do women understand women?

and what do you girls talk about on the phone ??????
A guy phone conversation usually lasts 30 seconds or less while you gals talk for hours and hours!

You understand woman that are like you. I always thing there are 3 breeds of woman. Girly girls/dolls, Rough and tumble girls, and shy girls.
what do we talk about? world peace!?! No mainly men things. Or planning outfits in advance. Bitxhing about friends by start with 'I love her but...'. Plus we like to share and know every details of everyones lives. You boys arent that interested in whats going on with other people.

Hello Golden Touch...
OK so I've been through two major dating periods in my life.
One in my unis years through my late 20's then a marriage and single again in my late 30's.

The problem is it was easy to go missing in my 20's because there were no cell phones, internet and Blackberries but in 30's it was impossible to disappear. Very frustrating for someone getting into mischief.

What techniques would you use to not be found by a girl trying to hunt you down?

A girlfriend, from Britain, called me "Treacle". Do you call your sweet love Louis "Treacle"?

I do not call Louis treacle. I would never dare! Firstly this is a horrible question I dont want to answer it! but...i will *sigh*. If its a woman you one night/day it with give her the wrong number. If its someone you've been seeing for a while just ignore her calls, she'll take the hint within about a week. or try being a grown up and just saying 'yeah sorry, not that interested'. Failing that get some CAMO gear and you can disappear into bushes whenever you like...

hmmm to stick with the whole questions theme, describe a good night out?

A nice meal with my friends and a few bottles of wine, a long getting ready procedure as a group. Hitting a few bars and getting a fair few gin and tonics in me before hitting a club with indie and dance and pop and dancing on the dance floor until my feet hurt, Peferrably a dance with a sexy guy that has the moves (like my main man) then walking home with my shoes off getting something to eat on route. If i'm going home with my girls we change into PJs watch some friends and have a gossip about the night, if I go home with abaddon.....

I'm asking here because I don't think a guy would give me good advice

wow and I thought men were ****ed up! In a nutshell I think your right in thinking your the boyfriend substitute. It is hard to do long distance relationships and what started out as some male influence and a hug from some manly arms went too far. I'm not denying she must feel something for you to be spending so much time with you in fairly intimate ways - but at the same time you dont do long distance for a laugh. She MUST love her boyfriend and as such you should stay well clear as she's only going to mess with your mind.
However, shes a friend which makes it more difficult. I would recommend cutting down on the time you spend together. Its not normal to spend that much time with a member of the opposite sex that your not dating and your always going to feel this way about her whilst you do. I would say get out there, date again - they dont have to be your soulmate just someone fun! Try and keep your friendship on a strictly friends basis think 'would I do this with another female friend'. Try being civil to her man, show her you dont mind. There is a good chance she WILL come on to you but its up to you to take the 'you have a boyfriend, we're just friends. If you want me then i'm not settling for being your plaything during the week. friends dont do that to each other'. That way she will either leave her man and end up being yours, OR you'll know once and for all that shes just a very messed up girl.
Hope this helps!

On topic, whats the best thing a boyfriend has ever done for you?

wow thats a REALLY difficult one! tbh I dont think any one boyfriend has done anything spectacular, I'm a wee bit short on the grand gestures - I seem to be the one that does them! I think abaddon did the best thing for me when we were away over Christmas. It was my 21st birthday and he climbed up the side of the mountain and wrote 'Kate 21' massive in the snow. ohhh, and way back when I was learning to fly I was dating one of the pilots and he flew me to devon for tea and scones. That was pretty special.

Hey, we have enough "how to get a girl threads" dominated by men, let's ask GT things she can answer.

Like, um, what's with all the pairs of shoes? Wait, that's horrible.

Okay, have you noticed girls who try to fit certain stereotypes?

I only have about 6 pairs of shoes but i think the shoes obsession is to do with having something frivolous and impractical and beautiful that is all yours. I'm more of a comfort girl
Yes, I think girls and in fact everyone triesd to fit into certain stereotypes. if you get a reputation for being 'cool' you try harder to be the 'cool one'. What kind of stereotypes did you mean?

Does it irritate you that usually men are so clueless about women?

Nope, its pretty undertandable - we're quite complicated. Plus we're relatively clueless about men we just muddle along. I think all the talking between girls about men is what gives us a slight advantage. If you all talked about your girl experiences with your friends you'd have more to draw on and then you might understand!

This is getting completely out of hand! Had no idea this would be so popular! wweeeeee

 

[Golden Touch]

34cm? You really aren't fat!
What is that in a civilized unit of measurement

I know thanks

 

[MamboJoel]

wow thats a REALLY difficult one! tbh I dont think any one boyfriend has done anything spectacular, I'm a wee bit short on the grand gestures - I seem to be the one that does them! I think abaddon did the best thing for me when we were away over Christmas. It was my 21st birthday and he climbed up the side of the mountain and wrote 'Kate 21' massive in the snow. ohhh, and way back when I was learning to fly I was dating one of the pilots and he flew me to devon for tea and scones. That was pretty special.

Women often are ego maniacs. In fact, thru a lot of indirect means what comes at the end is a need to satisfy the ego : "He understood I was right", "He wrote my name in the snow" etc... Depending on the humor of the day I sometimes find it cute and sometimes astonishing...

 

[Abaddon]

well there wasn't really much relevance in writing my name on her birthday..

 

[Golden Touch]

mankind are egomanics. thats why everyone wants to do well in life. so people know you exsist.

 

[MamboJoel]

No problem folks...

well there wasn't really much relevance in writing my name on her birthday..

I think you understood what I meant.

mankind are egomanics. thats why everyone wants to do well in life. so people know you exsist.

Of course men have big egos too but a woman's ego is more surprising because it's more subtle... In a way, most men enjoying having their name written on a mountain (and such) are dictators or megalomaniac nabobs, while the few women who don't are suspicious...

Ok Macho morning is over, bon appétit !