Ask a Girl

Status
Not open for further replies.
When you get back answer me this: Why do girls insist on putting their hair up at the Prom? I've seen many a stunning girl with gorgeous long hair look far worse than usual on a Prom because they hide their hair in some strange 'bob' arrangement.
 
Nanocyborgasm said:
Are all British girls as cool as you, and can I have one too?
Click to expand...
If you Yanks want our Women then you'll have to wait until the German's threaten our border again. That was the only reason we let you have some last time.
 
Nanocyborgasm said:
United States is such a drag. From what I hear, European women are far less manipulative and temperamental than American women. Here they seem to be concerned with furthering some ulterior goal, such as taking your money, or having you do errands for them; essentially, the tasks of a lackey; and all for the sake of their company alone. As a man, you have to be ridiculously callous to shrug off such attempts. Is it true that European girls are more easy-going and less difficult to please? Because if it is, I think I may go on a trip.
Click to expand...

Ah... :) They're all very different... I don't think it would be a good idea to draw arbitrary differences from one country/region to another, but I will for once authorize myself to do some country stereotyping. It's not a very important issue so it's ok (but still wrong).
With other nationalities its always easier to get things started because :
1/ accent, manners, you're different etc...
2/ it's usually during vacation.
And Europeans often have a lot of the two points (lots of different countries lots of vacations too) ;)
So, from my experience as a single during two years (say around 24-25-26 years old) mostly in Southern Europe (France/Italy/Spain) :

English girls are the ones that look the most interested, seduced. The ones I met appriciated the French attitude a lot (Italian also btw). Well, I must say I'm under quite the same impression with american girls traveling in Europe.
I can't say too much about Italian girls since there is a lot of variety. A lot wear fancy clothes of course, but I have to admit I wasn't very successful with them.
Swiss girls are pretty good looking usually. I would say they are the ones that I found the cutests at that time. The problem is they're often fluant in German, Italian, French, English (if not Spanish) so they're pretty hard to impress with easy tools such as cultural differences etc...
German girls are often good looking too, but well, there's already too much variety here, it's hard to draw any kind of stereotype. But I can say they have no complex towards sex. It's pretty impressive how straitforward some are (quite destabilizing the first time).
Netherlands... Ah... ;) I haven't met a lot of them, but it has always resulted in complete incomprehension (pure coincidence), and I share this same experience with other French guys.
Spanish women : curiously I haven't met too much of these. But I haven't visited Spain often...
Central Europe girls are often devastating (Czech, Slovaks...), but sometimes a bit too tall for me (1m76 here) and pretty rare in the region in fact...

Hum... Enough of these stupid stereotypes...
 
MamboJoel said:
Spanish women : curiously I haven't met too much of these. But I haven't visited Spain often...
Click to expand...

What I like with Spanish women is that they're really open about letting you know they like you. Very often you'll see girls eyeing you over. :goodjob: Yes, a nice way to know what a girl usually feels like :lol:

MamboJoel said:
Central Europe girls are often devastating (Czech, Slovaks...), but sometimes a bit too tall for me (1m76 here) and pretty rare in the region in fact...
Click to expand...

My issue with Central European girls is that too often they're very traditional and conservative, and usually they do not age very well ;)
 
Bad Player said:
What's her boyfriend like? Does he fit the outlaw biker category? ;)
Click to expand...

Hehehe.. I get the reference, but no ;) He's the musical type who plays in a band... and cuts grass for a living. His family is fairly well off, so he's a bit spoiled, or so she claims anyway. He's very quiet when I've been around him and doesn't say much. All else I know about him is that they have some sort of connection and that he plays soccer, as a hobby, from time to time.

chinesefireball said:
So your situation could have been something like that, but with your cuddling she doesn't really have the excuse to be clueless. More really good friends with some benefits thrown in.
Click to expand...

Yeah, it's possible. I've gotten "tickle fight" and "shoulder rub" coupons from her before. She just enjoys that sort of stuff and I get it, but I don't get how she could not have clued in into what she was doing. We talked about the cuddling and she says she doesn't remember most of it. However, during it.. she was quite awake and aware. It's almost as if she doesn't want to face it and talk about it most of it directly.. which bugs me a lot, because that night meant something to me. The first time I brought it up she started crying - said she thought I would say we couldn't be friends anymore.

chinesefireball said:
If you are happy with it - I say keep it. You mentioned you wanted some more controll in where the relationship was heading - the only way I can think of you doing that without pushing yourself onto the girl is by saying no to cuddling (but since that is occasional, well it may not really work)
Click to expand...

Yeah, I wouldn't mind that at all. I suppose I could just rent a scary movie and invite her over one night, and see what happens. Thing is that now there are feelings involved - at least on my end. I told her that we're going to be friends no matter what.. But I'm not sure if something like that would hurt me a lot or not. It almost feels like I might as well go all the way and make a significant move.. or forget cuddling at all.

I still have 2 of those coupons that I never redeemed. Maybe I can work those things into all of this somehow.

Golden Touch said:
wow and I thought men were ****ed up! In a nutshell I think your right in thinking your the boyfriend substitute. It is hard to do long distance relationships and what started out as some male influence and a hug from some manly arms went too far. I'm not denying she must feel something for you to be spending so much time with you in fairly intimate ways - but at the same time you dont do long distance for a laugh. She MUST love her boyfriend and as such you should stay well clear as she's only going to mess with your mind.
Click to expand...

Yeah, they do have some sort of connection. I don't get it. She got a bit insulted when I told her that I would never want that sort of relationship with her.. so if that's what she thought I meant by 'boyfriend', then that's not what I was talking about. Her response.. "But he's my boyfriend!" *stare*

She might very well love him, but their lack of communication and time spent together makes me go.. "whaa?". He only lives 1.5 hours away.

Golden Touch said:
However, shes a friend which makes it more difficult. I would recommend cutting down on the time you spend together. Its not normal to spend that much time with a member of the opposite sex that your not dating and your always going to feel this way about her whilst you do. I would say get out there, date again - they dont have to be your soulmate just someone fun! Try and keep your friendship on a strictly friends basis think 'would I do this with another female friend'. Try being civil to her man, show her you dont mind. There is a good chance she WILL come on to you but its up to you to take the 'you have a boyfriend, we're just friends. If you want me then i'm not settling for being your plaything during the week. friends dont do that to each other'. That way she will either leave her man and end up being yours, OR you'll know once and for all that shes just a very messed up girl.
Click to expand...

Yeah.. It is hard to spend less time together. It was always her, though, who initiated these things and asked if I wanted to do something together. I did my share, but I would have felt weird to call her every single day, asking her to come over, so she'd usually come on msn and call me, and we'd make plans that way. She'd even show up @ my work and bring me food and stuff.. or just drop by to say hi and make plans there.

So lately I've felt bad that it's usually been her, so I've been trying to be more proactive about it.. but right now.. I saw her Monday night, and I haven't taken steps to set up our next "date". We'll just hang out whenever she wants to. I think that's the best approach.

And I like your idea about keeping it professional.. but this is the sort of thing she will do.. Last week she decided to try to fix my faucet.. and she's a weak little thing, so I'm in there trying to help her.. She claims she has experience doing this sort of work - but it does take a lot of manly power to screw/unscrew some of those bolts ;) So we'd be down on the floor, she'd be down inside the cabinet checking stuff out.. and while she's doing that, her ass is rubbing up against me, indiscriminately. seemed very playful. I rubbed up against it a couple times, I just couldn't resist. I will be seeing more stuff like that - instead of a direct "coming on". It is not something I can deny her .. She'll just go "what? I'm not doing anything"

That helped btw, thanks :)

Brighteye said:
What more needs to be said? You've found someone with whom you can have a wonderful time, and she feels the same about you, but you can't do anything sexual with her because of intimacy issues, and so you have 2 options:
Click to expand...

Well, it's not quite that simple. My intimacy issues aren't really that bad - they don't prevent me from having sex.. but they do make me more cautious about physical contact. Having said that, I seem to have gotten over all of that.. somehow.. lately. So it shouldn't be an issue anymore.

It is mostly the fact that I never wanted to ruin our friendship - and her signals weren't ever strong enough for me to go "Ok, she means it". All her signals have been very... careful.. something she can deny if she wants to.

Brighteye said:
1. She feels like she's your platonic friend. She has a great time with you and loves you dearly, and doesn't want to lose you. However, she doesn't think of you sexually, so any move you make will just spoil the friendship for both of you.
Click to expand...

This is what I'm not sure about. There have been hints both ways. She has even directly asked for sex before, but it was still early in our relationship and I took it as a joke.. plus at that time I wasn't emotionally attached. We were just walking home from the store, and I ended up paying for a bunch of pop and chips and what not... and she quietly said: "you can pay me back later.. with sex".. it just took me aback. I didn't respond.. boo! I should have.. but ah well, that's the past now. We didn't get close at all that evening, so at the time it was easy to dismiss it as a joke. I was still in "We're just awesome friends" mode anyway.

Brighteye said:
2. She loves you more than in a platonic way, but is confused by your lack of sexual advances. So she thinks that you're platonic friends, but is then confused by your moodiness about her boyfriend and her odd signals. She opts for the safe option of saying that you're both just friends; it may be that she isn't entirely sure of her own feelings too.
Click to expand...

That could very well be right on.. except that I've told her why I haven't been making any sexual advances.. When we first started hanging out, she made a point of telling me that most of the previous 'close male friends' she had.. that weren't gay.. ended up taking advantage of her.. and the rest of them gave her a "boyfriend or nothing" ultimatum. I have always felt like we have something special, and I did not want to ruin that, becoming just another guy that she was used to. That isn't me, anyway.

Her signals just haven't been strong enough. They are there, and they are confusing me, but at the same time, they are not strong enough for me to consider risking what we have. Right now, as far as she is concerned, I have fully accepted the "never" thing and am hving a blast just being friends. I haven't done anything to signal otherwise, unless she's misinterpreting the walks I have been taking with her.. and I suppose it might be possible to read me without me doing anything direct. See, this sort of attitude from me is what made her send those recent signals. So I am hoping that by doing more of the same, she will get more frustrated and do something more direct. Or she could just get frustrated and give up.

Ingvina Freyr said:
@warpus There were two things I didn't get out of your very interesting story (sorry if it's there but I missed it); You say that the girl is talking about moving away and saying that she wants something to happen, but nothing about what she is saying about her boyfriend. Is that because you don't want to talk about him with her or us, or is it because she doesn't include him in her future plans?
Click to expand...

She never talks about him. I used to hear about him maybe once a month, and it'd be something in passing. They don't seem very close at all, but then I hear that she's "in love with him" or whatever. It is confusing.

I don't think she is including him in her future plans, but I don't think that is because she doesn't want him in them. I think it is more a case of her wanting things to just unfold naturally. Plus, including him in her future plans would be a comittment.

Ingvina Freyr said:
Secondly, your questions are basically about what she wants, but what do you want? I think that's what you need to decide for yourself, and then try to make that happen. If you ask me, I'd say it seems you want her as a girlfriend, otherwise I think you would have been more content with the situation as it is.
Click to expand...

See, here's the thing. I haven't talked about it because I've figured that part out.

I would love to have her as my girlfriend.. okay, so apparently this is "never" going to happen. Her idea of a boyfriend is a bit messed up, IMO, so her idea of a boyfriend/girlfriend type relationship is not what I'd want.

I want to spend a lot of time with her and for her to be around. It makes me happy. I also want to be able to fully express my feelings for her and do what feels naturally, without having to pull myself back, not wanting to damage the friendship.

I know what I want, but I have no idea how much of that she would be willing to give me, and in what form. That is my predicament. She is a very fragile creature and confusing to say the least. I do not know what options I have, so I am being very careful.

Thanks a lot for all of your input. THis has been very confusing for me, but the more I type it out and/or talk about it, and the more feedback I get, the more sense everything is starting to make.

For now I'm just going to do my own thing and see what she does. Last time I saw her was Monday night and I was getting out of a cab.. and I said: "We gotta work on my faucet! We'll be in touch" and gave her a hug.
 
Warpus my last piece of advice is stop analysising something which probably isnt that complicated. and stop talking on all over the topic it takes up loooads of space :)

Brighteye said:
Which archetype tends to be better: 'blonde and blue-eyed' ot 'tall and dark...'?

Why do girls like dancing so much?

When you dress your boyfriend in poncy 'stylish' stuff, are you trying to make him such a figure of fun that he'll never excite another girl's interest?

If you like muscles, what do you think of sweat? Lots of pictures that I'm told are sexy are of men working, with a sheen on their skin, but girls also seem to recoil from men fresh from the rugby pitch.
Click to expand...

I have dated both 'blonde and blue' and 'tall and dark' and they both have their wonders! I would say tall and blonde and handsome. Can I have that?!?
If have never tried to dress my boyfriend in ponsy clothes but i have felt the urge, I think its to make them look more grown up. Probably because something immature they're doing is pissing you off so you try to make them dress the age you'd like them to act.
Muscles.....droool. Sweat...drool. Rugby...droool. Are u american? i think its just american girls who are like 'ewwww'. most brit chicks I know like rough and tumble men

PrinceOfLeigh said:
Do you think in general large groups of men thrown together in a situation such as living together at uni are likely to get into less conflict than groups of girls living in close quarters? If so, why?
Click to expand...

Possibly...though maybe they're more open to having a conflict, fighting about it, then getting over it. All male houses tend to get disgusting and groups of men tend to share girls (especially at uni) so I imagine fights break out, but they just get over it.
The same with girls, you probably get a similar amount of annoyances but in girls it leads to subgroups *****ing about it as noone wants to 'upset' anyone. Which only leads to bad things. and if a fight does ensue then it will takes AGES to get over it. That what I like about the girls I live with...its not ununsual to find signs around the house that say things like 'kate you slut do your dishes'. they're the best!

Whomp said:
Staying on track...you said long distance relationships are tough and I'll confirm they are. What are you two going to do about that to keep the spark?
Click to expand...
not really a 'girl' question rather a 'golden touch' question. we're still in the honeymoon period I recon, despite the last week or so of living together. I think the big thing is when we do see each other we both get all our work out the way and plan fun things to do together to keep it interesting. plus we can do nothing and have a right giggle which is why we do it in the first place.

Nanocyborgasm said:
Are all British girls as cool as you, and can I have one too? :D
Is it true that European girls are more easy-going and less difficult to please? Because if it is, I think I may go on a trip.

As someone who was once a nice guy, and who was married and now divorced, I can say for certain that nice guys definitely finish last.
Click to expand...

Not all British girls no, but lots! and thanks for thinking i'm cool. HA abaddon, hes always calling me a chemistry geek :s I think European girls are easier - but less well turned out. If your a nice guy you finish first with me :)

Eran of Arcadia said:
Which stereotypes?

I mean, do girls intentionally act ditzy and dumber than they really are because they feel it is expected of them.
Click to expand...
yes, i think so. Infact I know so my housemate is one of them. Shes a smart girl and perfectly capable but if she can giggle and be like 'oh i cant manage' people do things for her. Cant say I blame her really!

PrinceOfLeigh said:
When you get back answer me this: Why do girls insist on putting their hair up at the Prom? I've seen many a stunning girl with gorgeous long hair look far worse than usual on a Prom because they hide their hair in some strange 'bob' arrangement.
Click to expand...

I totally agree. I think most updos, especially the ones the hairdressers do which take hours and hours and lots of hair spray make you look crappy. I've never understood it being a 'wash it with a nice shampoo and use a pretty slide' kinda girl. I think its to do with doing something different to everyday, and for these slightly higher maintance girls which was a straighten their hair to perfection every day the only way for them to make it look 'different' is to put it up in some fancy do.

On a totally seperate note I beat Abaddon at pool in the pub. He had 6 balls left on the table! girrrrrl power. He might kill me now....
 
warpus said:
It is mostly the fact that I never wanted to ruin our friendship - and her signals weren't ever strong enough for me to go "Ok, she means it". All her signals have been very... careful.. something she can deny if she wants to.


That could very well be right on.. except that I've told her why I haven't been making any sexual advances...
Her signals just haven't been strong enough. They are there, and they are confusing me, but at the same time, they are not strong enough for me to consider risking what we have. Right now, as far as she is concerned, I have fully accepted the "never" thing and am hving a blast just being friends... So I am hoping that by doing more of the same, she will get more frustrated and do something more direct. Or she could just get frustrated and give up...

I think it is more a case of her wanting things to just unfold naturally. Plus, including him in her future plans would be a comittment...

Her idea of a boyfriend is a bit messed up, IMO, so her idea of a boyfriend/girlfriend type relationship is not what I'd want.

I want to spend a lot of time with her and for her to be around. It makes me happy. I also want to be able to fully express my feelings for her and do what feels naturally, without having to pull myself back, not wanting to damage the friendship.
Click to expand...
I've selected various parts to quote, in the hope that putting them together will help you see that you've already got the answers. She's not into commitment and likes to see things unfold naturally; she's into you in no small way (we just don't know whether this includes sexually), and she wants to return to that stage where you're both just friends. She enjoys that, and you like her being around, so take what's being offered.
Maybe her signals are ambiguous deliberately. Just keep on doing what you do, because it's what made you friends in the first place. Maybe she won't become frustrated at all, but likes things the way they are.
Her idea of a boyfriend is a bit mixed up, after all...

Do you see my point?
 
Warpus situation update: I am working from home today; I called my boss and told him that in order to meet this deadline that I have on friday, I'm going to have to really focus.. and I can't really guarantee that at work..

I called the girl in question and asked her if she would like to be my "working buddy" for the day. SHe has a bunch of classes today, but she agreed.. It will be a couple hours, but she'll be over.

I genuinly enjoy spending alone time with this girl - even just as friends.. it just doesn't matter what we're doing - and I know she feels the same way. But it's very tough to get a hold of her - she NEVER picks up her phone. Her best friend (female) keeps calling over and over until she picks up. Sometimes this takes minutes. This of course isn't an option for me, as I don't like being pushy.. and being pushy in this situation would backfire :) SO usually I leave a message, and she just gets a hold of me whenever she feels like it.. which is often anyway, so I never complained.

But today I took a littlebit charge, msgd her roommate, found out if she was around.. she was.. so I said that I'm calling - a message which she got from him, and picked up. This is different to be sure - I am usually much more passive than this, at least with her.

Why did I invite her and contradict what I said I was going to do earlier? Well, I don't really want to play stupid games. We haven't really spent much alone time lately - her best friend has been around and it's usually a group of people hanging out. So I want to show her that I can take charge - and that we can be good friends and do the things we used to do.. and more..

And now the question: Did I make a mistake here by "caving in?". Or is she likely to see this as something else? such as... "Hey, I'm bored, I would enjoy your company".. which is what it really is.
 
Brighteye said:
I've selected various parts to quote, in the hope that putting them together will help you see that you've already got the answers. She's not into commitment and likes to see things unfold naturally; she's into you in no small way (we just don't know whether this includes sexually), and she wants to return to that stage where you're both just friends. She enjoys that, and you like her being around, so take what's being offered.
Maybe her signals are ambiguous deliberately. Just keep on doing what you do, because it's what made you friends in the first place. Maybe she won't become frustrated at all, but likes things the way they are.
Her idea of a boyfriend is a bit mixed up, after all...

Do you see my point?
Click to expand...

I see your point and I apologize for cluttering the thread up with my BS.

What I am not sure about is how to deal with the signals. I realize that I should just act on them as they come, but I obviously have a lot on my mind. I have no idea where the line lies, you know? I suppose I can rely on her to tell me when we've gone too far.

I have been feeling pretty confident lately, so this might work out well after all.
 
Warp - start a specific thread perhaps.. Im sure people want to help.
 
Duplicate thread! EDIT: :cry: Now I look silly because of the merge. [/edit]
Raisin Bran said:
and what do you girls talk about on the phone ??????
A guy phone conversation usually lasts 30 seconds or less while you gals talk for hours and hours!
Click to expand...
I suspect that is because your average stereotypical male phone call is for the purposes of exchanging information, while your average stereotypical female phone call is for the purposes of being friends and maintaining the friendship.

:wavey: Belated welcome to the forum, GT! I'm one of the other females on the forum (see my profile if you want to know more about me).
 
Nanocyborgasm said:
Are all British girls as cool as you, and can I have one too? :D

But seriously, dating in the United States is such a drag. From what I hear, European women are far less manipulative and temperamental than American women. Here they seem to be concerned with furthering some ulterior goal, such as taking your money, or having you do errands for them; essentially, the tasks of a lackey; and all for the sake of their company alone. As a man, you have to be ridiculously callous to shrug off such attempts. Is it true that European girls are more easy-going and less difficult to please? Because if it is, I think I may go on a trip.

As someone who was once a nice guy, and who was married and now divorced, I can say for certain that nice guys definitely finish last.
Click to expand...

Well, on the brighter side, if you become successful with dating in the US, everything else is easy and you've reached "master" status. (Ok, that was a little humor there, don't get on my butt.) ;)

It is indeed tougher in the US though. It seems to me European girls are indeed much more relaxed when it comes to game-playing.

But if game-playing is what US girls want, they can get that very easily.

(PS: I'm European and I've dated a European girl, and that's what I've concluded. My brother and I were once joking that if all the girls were like that in Europe, we'd just move there. So if you can't beat American girls' game-playing, either move, or join the game - both work nicely.)
 
This thread has inspired me! I feel like launching my long awaited "offensive" tomorrow. (After i get painfully regreted im gonna come crying here of course)

Just to ask a question:

Do you feel your fate in men drop even more when you see the hundreds of questions from internet nerds that dont know anyhting about women?
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

Fippy
  • Poll Poll
Pizza Thread
6 7 8
Replies
147
Views
7K
Arwon
Arwon
Valka D'Ur
Crowdfunding questions
Replies
7
Views
728
Birdjaguar
Birdjaguar
C
Some Questions
Replies
11
Views
1K
J437
J
Y
Questions re: Diplomacy
Replies
3
Views
780
yturk39
Y
sophie
[RD] Ask a trans person II: 2 trans 2 sexual
19 20 21
Replies
409
Views
38K
Birdjaguar
Birdjaguar
Back
Top Bottom