Beards improve combat effectivness

[NickyJ]

Sourcy sourcy.

Jonathon Burns was the lead researcher in the study.

“We took 100 soldiers. 25 were Special Forces qualified and had beards, 25 were Special Forces qualified without beards, 25 were regular Army allowed to grow beards for the study, and the last 25 were regular Army without beards. All 100 of these subjects were in direct combat in Afghanistan during the study.”

He continued, “Xegis Solutions had several teams of researchers embedded with these troops to make observations on their combat effectiveness. The results were overwhelming, out of the 50 soldiers with beards, zero were wounded or killed and they had a significantly higher accuracy of fire than the soldiers without beards. The soldiers lacking beards had a higher rate of weapons malfunctions and basically, went wrong most of the time.”

...

CENTCOM wasted no time establishing a new rule forcing males to grow beards.

Commander Gen. James E. Mattis issued a statement to all troops in combat zones.

“The time has come for the Armed Forces to accept the facts, and the facts are that beards save lives. All this time it was speculated that Green Berets were better because of their superior and intensive training while in fact, most of it had to do with beards.”

My response: Duh. How do you think Gandalf was such a great wizard in LOTR without attributing it to the beard?

 

[Borachio]

Nice.

 

[Quackers]

All this time it was speculated that Green Berets were better because of their superior and intensive training while in fact, most of it had to do with beards.”

I can't take this seriously.

 

[sophie]

How does this work? How can you measure something in such an uncontrolled, wild, and unpredictable environment as a warzone?

Oh also correlation does not imply causation, but mostly that first thing I said.

 

[Mr. Dictator]

Yet Chuck Norris didn't survive becoming a joke.

 

[NickyJ]

I can't take this seriously.

How does this work? How can you measure something in such an uncontrolled, wild, and unpredictable environment as a warzone?

I'll let this roll a bit more before I tell you that it's posted on a joke websi- Oops.

 

[sophie]

I'll let this roll a bit more before I tell you that it's posted on a joke websi- Oops.

Then why the hell did you put it in the tavern?

 

[NickyJ]

 

[Quackers]

Well played sir, well played.

 

[Borachio]

Very drole.

 

[Flying Pig]

I've actually added that website to my 'favorites' - military humour seems to be pretty universal. Certainly this particular article sounds like something my lot would have made up back in the day!

 

[Borachio]

that’s when adrenaline and my training really kicked in

Oer. This guy's the biz. Watch out. Are my chickens safe in their coop tonight?

 

[Antilogic]

I thought it was an Onion article at first. Then I discovered a new site to follow.

Well-done, NJ.

 

[Ayn Rand]

Taliban trannies ftw!

Spoiler :

 

[Borachio]

Really did LOL!

 

[GoodGame]

Sourcy sourcy.


My response: Duh. How do you think Gandalf was such a great wizard in LOTR without attributing it to the beard?

It didn't work for the Steelers this year.

 

[NickyJ]

It didn't work for the Steelers this year.

Ryan Fitzpatrick seemed to improve, though.

 

[The_J]

Aaarrrrr....pirates!


Link to video.

All the ride with us on raids,
must be men with beards.
Jan and Hein and Klaas and Pit,
have beards that have beards.
Jan and Hein and Klaas and Pit
who have beards, who drive wit hus.
All those who catch whales and seals,
must be men with beards.
Jan and Hein and Klaas and Pit,
have beards that have beards.
Jan and Hein and Klaas and Pit,
who have beards, who drive with us.
All hell and the devil does not fear
must be men with beards.
Jan and Hein and Klaas and Pit,
have beards that have beards.
Jan and Hein and Klaas and Pit,
who have beards, who drive with us.

 

[Skwink]

Then why the hell did you put it in the tavern?

This is the "fun" sub-forum.

 

[DroopyTofu]

A new study needs to be conducted to see how having a moustache effects combat effectiveness.