I think the teacher's judgement would improve just by rewriting the paper to have more concise paragraphs. Adhere to the idea of there being a single main topic sentence for each paragraph, with all the other sentences of the paragraph (about 3 to 5) being support for the topic sentence.
Another thing I saw immediately was there's a lot of parenthetical phrases, but they aren't clearly offset by commas.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comma_(punctuation)#Grammar
You might even want to remove some of the excess phrases to write shorter sentences. Or just develop them into separate sentences if they support the topic sentences.
Focus on writing clear sentences and concise paragraphs, and the teacher will be at least impressed with the readability. Then work on the logic of your overall arguement, and how well each of the paragraphs support your overall arguement (e.g. thesis).
EDIT:
This draft is much better. The introduction is much stronger and attention-grabbing.
I take it that the first sentence is your thesis. It's not necessary to make it the very first sentence, but that's ok. You could also just build up to the thesis in the paragraph like a crescendo.
The third-fourth sentence could be combined into one with a comma. It kind of diverts from the thesis sentence though (it's actually almost a second thesis), so I'd take it out, or only leave it in if it's being used as a transition to the next paragraph.
I'd focus more on expanding upon, and supporting, the first two sentences to make the introductory sentence. For example, add some sentences that give examples of the first sentences. Also, rewrite the second sentence to include the idea of the first sentence, for explicitness. E.g. Nora & Antigone fit the form of the noble heroine, brave, self-sacrificing women who <blah>. That way you have a single, highly explicit thesis statement, rather than than two sentences that combine to be an implicit thesis.
The noble heroine is an ever preset aspect of literature, with the brave woman who sacrifices herself in the name of dignity and honor and is willing to undergo great suffering and adversity. This is how the protagonists Nora Helmer and Antigone are normally viewed by its audience in the play a Doll’s House written by Henrik Ibsen in the late 1800’s and the play Antigone written by Jean Anillouh in the 20th centaury. This view is normally cemented by the role and actions of these characters. However this fundamental viewpoint may be mistaken.
EDIT EDIT: Just read thru the second draft. I think part of what makes your writing hard to follow is the logic. The paragraphs kind of support the thesis, but the logic is not exactly clear or explicit.
Think about rewriting the "Nora" section to more tightly fit the thesis that:
1. Noble heroines self-sacrifice in the name of duty
2. Noble heroines 'rise-up'.
It seems like the writing gets distracted by the details of Nora's experience and character, but don't focus on the two above points tightly enough for a casual reader to follow.
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