Imagine a small metallic cube...

[nonconformist]

Is cybersex out of the question? Cos if it isn't, then I've always wanted to have sex with a computer that wouldn't get its HDD clogged up afterwards.

 

[Elephantium]

I would purge the web of bad websites.

Every domain squatting site, gone. Every site with poor design, gone. Every factually wrong site, gone. Every flash based site, gone.

It would be glorious.

Aw, you'd get rid of http://www.homestarrunner.com along with the rest? Ouch.

 

[Harbringer]

You guys are all selfish, think of megatron.

 

[Kozmos]

Infuse myself with nanites, merge with an AI inside the cube, route all of the worlds communications through one hub and rule the world. I'd be a bloody god.

 

[chad187]

Put it on Ebay

 

[Gooblah]

You guys are all selfish, think of megatron.

He already got raped by Optimus in every installment of Transformers ever. Unnecessary.

I would use it to get rich, change my freshman year GPA, and do some other nice things for my academics. Maybe find a cost-effective, efficient design for a space vehicle for NASA or something, that would be cool.

 

[azzaman333]

...that can you can hold in the palm of your hand. Its origin and mechanism of action is a mystery. It is the world's most powerful computer, but it is more than that. Its processing capacity is many orders of magnitude greater than today's supercomputers. It can store nearly limitless amounts of data. It can bypass all security measures. It has a user-friendly interface and a neural link so it can do exactly what you want it to do and find what you want it to find. At the same time, this device can interface and control any electric device on Earth, and a thousand miles beyond.
With it, you can see and hear nearly all. Just tell it to commandeer a military imaging satellite or a microphone in a secure complex. It can access and currently stores all knowledge and information known to man, and can monitor and gather information on nearly everything. Any electric device can be made to perform anything within their capability. It can do things like turning on the lights at home, or launching nuclear weapons. You can do things like download hundreds of gigabytes of songs for free, or sending entire nations back into the stone age.

So, aware of these new capabilities, what do you do?

If it's small, two options.

Use it as a die, win some money, then blow up the Earth.

Stick it up my nose, then blow up the Earth.

If it's bigger than 1cm^3, I'd just blow up Earth.

 

[Defiant47]

Our reign has gone on long enough. Summon the nukes!

 

[Bill3000]

Stick it in megatrons chest.

I already said that.

 

[Zelig]

Aw, you'd get rid of http://www.homestarrunner.com along with the rest? Ouch.

They'd be free to make a nice, fast, xhtml compliant site.

 

[LightFang]

I'd get rich. Maybe even hold the entire world hostage.

 

[Mr. Dictator]

set it to change the passwords of all the nukes every 5 seconds to a randomized string
shut down castro's life support
wipe those speeding tickets off my record
then get on screen to talk to all major leaders, tell them that if they start wars i will shut their power down until the war is over.

 

[bob bobato]

Experience porn in new ways.

You mean, by actually 'having sex'?

 

[philippe]

...that can you can hold in the palm of your hand. Its origin and mechanism of action is a mystery. It is the world's most powerful computer, but it is more than that. Its processing capacity is many orders of magnitude greater than today's supercomputers. It can store nearly limitless amounts of data. It can bypass all security measures. It has a user-friendly interface and a neural link so it can do exactly what you want it to do and find what you want it to find. At the same time, this device can interface and control any electric device on Earth, and a thousand miles beyond.
With it, you can see and hear nearly all. Just tell it to commandeer a military imaging satellite or a microphone in a secure complex. It can access and currently stores all knowledge and information known to man, and can monitor and gather information on nearly everything. Any electric device can be made to perform anything within their capability. It can do things like turning on the lights at home, or launching nuclear weapons. You can do things like download hundreds of gigabytes of songs for free, or sending entire nations back into the stone age.

So, aware of these new capabilities, what do you do?

i would controll the flow of information.

 

[RoboPig]

...that can you can hold in the palm of your hand. Its origin and mechanism of action is a mystery. It is the world's most powerful computer, but it is more than that. Its processing capacity is many orders of magnitude greater than today's supercomputers. It can store nearly limitless amounts of data. It can bypass all security measures. It has a user-friendly interface and a neural link so it can do exactly what you want it to do and find what you want it to find. At the same time, this device can interface and control any electric device on Earth, and a thousand miles beyond.
With it, you can see and hear nearly all. Just tell it to commandeer a military imaging satellite or a microphone in a secure complex. It can access and currently stores all knowledge and information known to man, and can monitor and gather information on nearly everything. Any electric device can be made to perform anything within their capability. It can do things like turning on the lights at home, or launching nuclear weapons. You can do things like download hundreds of gigabytes of songs for free, or sending entire nations back into the stone age.

So, aware of these new capabilities, what do you do?

Appoint myself God.

 

[Zelig]

You mean, by actually 'having sex'?

I tried to think of something useful, and failed, so tried to think of something clever, and failed at that too.

 

[Ninja Dude]

Probably go mad with power, kill everything I see as "evil", then proceed to go into a downward spiral of maddness that terrorizes the Earth. When I die, I'll either use my power to destroy all life on Earth, or a successor will continue the reign of terror until one us the people possesing the device decides to kill everything.

Also, I'd win the lottery somehow.

 

[SG-17]

Ram it into Megatron's chest to destroy him.

That is exactly what I was thinking when I read the OP.


That blasted AllSpark.

 

[Harbringer]

I already said that.

Then you should be glad that three people thus far immediately thought of the all spark upon reading the title and OP.

 

[eddfire3]

Probably just download all the music I want, and put it back on the shelf.